Sing Like Never Before

I cannot believe that it is August 25th!  I just cannot wrap my mind around the fact that it is the end of August, that fall begins next month, that the leaves will begin to change and that colder weather will soon be on its way (last year we had our first snow fall the first week of October).  The summer has FLOWN by, and I realize what a cliche that is to say.  But it's true!  This has been a crazy, gnarly, awesome summer but it was so full that it flew away!

 This week has been a SUPER good week for my heart.
This week the Lord brought together a bunch of the stuff that has been rolling around in my brain waiting to be doused in His peace and love.  All summer, it has been so hot and SO DRY! I went from humid Texas summers to completely dry almost zero percent humidity Denver. And my soul has felt like it matched the weather.  I have been desperately awaiting a good thunderstorm, a good downpour upon the landscape of not just outside but also of my heart.
This week it has rained and stormed almost every single day!  It is gorgeous in the morning, in the 60's, you can run around and do what you please.  Then in the afternoon it heats up and the heat is followed by a cooling thunderstorm and wind and rain.  then it clears up and you go to bed.  Every day!  It has been so refreshing!  And my soul has felt like this too.  Every day I wake up, enjoy my sweet quiet time with my Savior and then comes the heat of the day.  And just when I feel like its getting too warm (go with my spiritual analogy hear okay?), then comes the rain, His Spirit just washing over my soul and making me more in love with Him.  He has been drawing me with His cords of love into the secret place of His sanctuary and I have been learning new littles pieces of His character, and some huge crazy wow Jo how did you never get that before pieces too!  It's been amazing.  In those times of being washed over, He has brought peace and love to areas that were just a ball of pain in my heart.  He has brought excitement where before there was just uncertainty and fear.  It has been a truly wonderful week.  This morning in my time with Jesus, I read this:

Psalm 40:2-5 completely rocked!  When we were still praying and planning to move to Denver, Alicia Sherbet introduced a new song during worship at church and I remember being almost literally knocked down by it.  In the chorus it says "sing like never before, O my soul, I'll worship Your holy name..."  and the Lord spoke to my heart and said basically, "I will make you sing like never before in Denver.  Your song to me will be more complete and more worshipful because of what I will do there.  Some of it WILL hurt.  Are you ready to sing like never before?"

Quite honestly, that scared me.  I wasn't really sure that I wanted to sing like never before if it was going to be a painful path to get there (I'm just being honest here).  But I knew the call Jesus had placed on us, so off we went.  Sometimes obedience is a choice.  And here I am.  I haven't reached the other side, Im not done learning this new song that He is teaching me, but I am so in love with the One who is teaching me.  And I am far enough in to hear His voice clearly speak to my heart of His love.  It begins like these verses begin.

 Verse 2: I see what He has saved me from, well as much as my puny mind can grasp it anyway.  I was in a miry clay pit and He brought me out.  That is always the beginning of the song we sing to Him, isn't it!?!  And every single day, He keeps saving us from our junk.  He is so glorious!!!

Next, HE has put a new song in my mouth, and it is one of praise.  Only He can put that song in my mouth.  I can't manufacture it.  But, by the power of His Spirit, I can open my mouth and let Him fill it with praise.

Then, people
see it,
hear,
fear, and
trust.  Oh I am praying for this to be true!!!  I want people to see His glory, hear of His majesty and be drawn into a real lasting abiding relationship with HIM!  I don't want to convince people, I want Jesus to be able to woo people through the beauty of His love song sung through His saints.  Isn't that  a beautiful picture of what the church is to be?  A bunch of love songs that draw people into His presence!  And we feel like this is a specific word for here, for now.  And that is crazy cool!

And that brings us to His wonderful works.  That is beginning to happen now!  Yes, we are seeing sweet relationships that began almost a year ago being brought deeper, questions being asked, fruit is beginning to happen for sure!  BUT the wonderful works that are blowing my mind this week are happening inside of me.  My heart has never felt lighter, more joyful, more trusting.  And that is a miraculous wonderful work of HIM!!!  Where I am normally fighting to be forgiving or loving or understanding or sacrificial, I find HIM doing HIS thing and knocking my socks off.  It's been beautiful.  I hope that doesn't sound like boasting.  Im only sharing that because it is a miracle really haha!  And because I am blown away by how much ministry really does need to begin in my own heart.  And when I say ministry I do NOT mean being a pastor's wife.  Anything you do for Jesus is ministry.  Loving your kids, your neighbors, your job, whatever.  That's ministry.  And that must begin in our own hearts.

So I guess my update from Denver this week is that He is in fact teaching me a new song to sing to Him.  It has been painful.  It has been beautiful.  And I am finally truly, down into my toes excited to learn it.

An Anchor of the Soul

So there's a ton floating around in my brain and my kids are about to wake up so I will try my best to see if I can get this out.  There have been SO MANY things that the Lord is speaking to my heart in the past couple of weeks.  Many of them I can't put into words yet because they haven't processed fully yet.  I haven't come to the other side yet.  Still walking in the lessons, so I don't have much to say about them yet.

But I will say that Jesus has been speaking about His Word.

To my heart.
To christian's heart.
Through times of prayer.
Through sweet people in our church.
His word keeps coming up, in all it's beauty.  And although the last few weeks have been a bit intense, I have to say that His word has kept me grounded.  Dominic Balli has an awesome song that I was listening to this week (okay all his songs are awesome, but this one in particular) and it says, "I've been in valleys and mountains, rest comes and peace like a fountain....His word keeps me grounded...I know You are there, You are there no matter where life goes, You are there..."  And I have to say, that has been so true this year.

Moving to Denver...leaving a loving, sweet church family...going somewhere that no one thought we should go...starting from nothing at all but the call of God in our hearts...it has been a walk of faith for sure.  It hasn't always been easy to discern what is our flesh and what is the heart of God.  We aren't perfect.  Just sinners who are so stoked to be saved that we just have to share it with others.  But in that, theres a lot of room to not be sure of what we are doing, how we should do it, if we are even hearing the heart of Jesus.

That's where the Word comes in.  The word of God has been like an anchor to me these past months and I have never been more in love with the Savior who bore my sins upon the tree for me because of it.  

Hebrews 6:19 tells us
"This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast..."

That is what God's word has been to me.  When my emotions want to run away like a kite in the wind...He is my anchor.  When waves are tossing the boat of life...He is my anchor.  When people hurt or disappoint or misunderstand...He is my anchor.

There are days when I just want to sit and listen to my Saviors voice speak and never leave my corner of the bedroom where I read each morning.  But that would be escapism and anyway God's word is my anchor, my strength, my shield....but that doesn't play out as me hiding away from the world.  If I am really hearing from Him, He will prompt me to get up...to share His love with anyone I meet...to pray with more diligence...to clean my house and feed my babies with a heart that knows how much that means to Jesus...to praise Him in the "everyday".

You see its in His word that I catch a glimpse of His glory...His nature...His character...His heart.  It's so easy in my mind or in this world to forget how loving He is, how HOLY He is, how much He loves the little children, how much His heart is for the outcast and the poor, how much He wants UNITY even among believers who differ in the minor areas.  Hey, it's in His word that we find the answers to those minor differences!
His word teaches us to pray.
His word shows us what worship is really to look like and to do in our hearts.
The model for parenthood and marriage and friendship and love...it's ALL FOUND IN HIS WORD!
There is nothing that I need that can't be found there.
And there are days when we read and think, "All righty then.  Hmmm.  That wasn't earth shattering."  But it is as we continually pour things into our heart, hide them there, make them our own, that He is able to link by link by link anchor us deeper and deeper into HIM.  

Like a boat in a storm, things might get rocky, but I wont be moved.  I mean, I will be moving up and down back and forth a bit, but I wont lose ground.  I won't wake up after the storm subsides and find that I am in the middle of the ocean, so far from where I wanted to be.  Because, lets face it, on our own we wander.  And we end up places we never thought we would be.

Feeling lost today?  A bit far from shore?  Dude, dig into His word!  Plan a time every day to say Lord I want to see Your face, hear Your heart.  I promise you, when you get to heaven NO ONE WILL SAY THEY WISHED THEY READ THEIR BIBLE LESS OFTEN.  It is a beautiful love letter from a Lover seeking to share His heart.  Let's not miss out on this anchoring, stabilizing gift that shows us the very heart of our God!  I am so thankful for this rocky season because I can honestly say it has been so good.  Things have been a bit tough here and there, but the GOOD that has come out of each difficulty FAR outweighs the difficulty itself.  Without God's word as my anchor, I know that in my flesh I would not be able to say that.  It is the very breath of God and transforms our hearts from the inside out, renews perspective, imparts wisdom and insight.  AGH! I could go on forever, and I hear my kiddos moving around so I will just wrap it up here.  Pray for me to dig deeper into His word every single day.  And I will pray the same for you.

Love from Colorado,

The Danger of Bitterness

Well, it has been a long time since I last posted an update on how things are going around here.  Things have been busy, and there's been a lot of change.  Some of it great!  Some of it sad yet really really good, too.  And I've just not been in the mood to write down my feelings.  But this morning I was so struck by Michal in 1Chronicles 15 that I just have to try to get out what I am feeling.

The background here is that David is bringing back the ark to Jerusalem.  It had been taken by the Philistines and then they gave it back (great story there, go read it!) and David tried to bring the ark back without consulting the Lord on how to do it (15:13).  That ended super sad and for a while David was afraid to bring the ark home, to mess up again.  But as he saw that the house of Obed-Edom (the dude whose house he left the ark at before running back to Jerusalem) was super blessed and prosperous (what a picture of the blessings that come just from being in the presence of God), David decided to bring home the ark.  But this time He did it Gods way.  How important it is that we do God's stuff God's way!  Zeal isn't enough.  We need to seek Him, to know His character and His word, and then do His stuff His way.  He has a reason for it.

But that's another point.  The thing that struck me today was at the end of the chapter.  David is cruising into town, dancing and twirling and playing music....looking not at all like a dignified king.  and verse 28 tells us that,

"...she despised him in her heart."

And I have always seen that verse and thought, wow, our thought life will affect our actions.  She was all hateful in her heart and it later came out towards David.

But today I was struck by this question and the implications of the possible answers...

Why did Michal despise David in her heart?

Was is because
1. She personally lacked a passionate fervor to worship the Lord?  Watching David twirl and dance before the Lord with joy, did she know that something within her should want to do the same?  But instead of responding to the Lords call to enter in, did she bury the feelings and lash out in hate?

That's not that far fetched you know.  When someone else excels at what we do not, it is so easy to criticize, tear down, until we feel better about where we lack. We, as humans, do that.  How sad.  I am praying that the Lord will make me joyful and challenged when others excel where I don't.  I don't want to be like Michal.

Was it because
2. Her pride kept her from wanting to look undignified in front of the kingdom?  Don't judge, dude.  We do this too.  You want to stand in worship, or kneel, or whatever...have you ever NOT done it, because you were afraid of how it would look?  Have you ever felt that you were supposed to pray for someone or give a word and just not done it because it might be seen as extreme?  I have!  Another thing to cover in prayer for sure.

But the last thing on my heart convicts me the most.  Was it because of
3. Bitterness
This is, to me, the most dangerous poison of all.  Because we can see and identify pride and a lack of fervor for the Lord and see it as wrong.  But bitterness is sneaky.  I was thinking about how much Michal and David had gone through.  Their's wasn't the healthiest of relationships for sure.  Drama, man, drama.  But at some point Michal really loved David.  When you really love someone, you open yourself up to be hurt.  Vulnerability.  And David had hurt her for sure.  Most recently,  David had taken away the man that she married when David left.  Granted, she shouldn't have gotten remarried but still, the dude LOVED her deeply( he bawled his eyes out as she was taken away).  And David just took her away from him and put her in the palace....along with all the wives that HE had gained while he was away.  Doesn't seem fair.  Or kind.  And IT WASN'T.  Michal had some sincere hurts, real wrongs that David had done to her.  These things weren't made up or even blown out of proportion like I can so easily do.

BUT, to hang on to the hurts.....I know I am speculating here, but it doesn't feel like a far stretch to me.  Because I have seen it happen in my own life.  When we hold on to the hurt that others have caused us, even if it is a real wrong that we didn't "deserve,"

we are robbing OURSELVES of the ability to enter in to JOY and worship.

Is it worth it to hang on to our "rights" and miss out on joy?  Do we want to place ourselves like Michal in the palace window, all locked up inside of our own hurts? Or do we want to place ourselves down in the streets with the people of God, praising God, full of the joy of God?

It is our choice.  It's my choice.

Bitterness is sneaky.  It's like mold.  It creeps in unnoticed.  It takes a LOT of effort to kill.  And no matter how many times you kill it, you have to be aware that it will want to come back.  I have had bitterness issues that I totally gave over to the Lord only to have it rear its ugly head years later.  So i guess I am challegning you (and mostly myself) to be on guard against bitterness.  Let's not let it rob us of joy and fellowship.  Let's gather together in the streets and sing His praises because what HE DID ON THE CROSS is bigger than any offense anyone has ever done.

P.S. Last week, we said goodbye to the Goldens.  The Lord opened a door to them in McKinney, Texas and we are SO SAD to see them go but so thankful for our time with them here and for their obedience to His calling on their lives.  Pray for them but also for us too!  We miss them already and we just can't wait until heaven when we will be gathered together with all of the sweet people we love that are scattered across the country.

Bearing each other's burdens

I can't believe that we are already at the end of Galatians!  This has been a super crazy and awesome season for me with Jesus....really finding His heart on some controversial subjects in the church culture today...really rediscovering His heart on things that I had once learned but had stopped walking in...really pressing in to His embrace and finding it to be sufficient for my every need.  It has been hard to walk through these verses and examine my heart, my beliefs and then say willingly, "Lord change what I have gotten wrong here."  But its been so good too!

This week, we are looking at Galatians chapter 6.  There is SO MUCH GOOD STUFF in here, but I'm feeling one part jump out and so that's what I am going to elaborate on.  There's plenty more here if you want to chime in though.  You know I love to hear your heart!

Verse 2

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

Bear one another's burdens.  I am just struck by the simplicity yet complexity of this command.  By bearing your burden, I fulfill the law of Christ???  Wowza!  That's kinda big, dontcha think?  So how do we bear each other's burdens?  

I think it can be big or it can be small.  I think it will look different on each one of us.  Our individual giftings will affect the exact manifestation of this, but its got the image of me carrying this crazy heavy load on my shoulders, and you helping me.  

I think of my friend that comes over to hang out with me on Wednesdays with a giant bag full of the weeks laundry that she tosses over the shoulder of her tiny frame and then leans into it and manages to somehow get up my stairs.  That's a burden.  A weight.  Something we carry, sometimes we know it's there, sometimes we aren't even aware that we are leaning and struggling.  But it's there.  

Bearing that burden with me has the imagery that as I carry that heavy load, you come alongside me and bear up under it.  You put your shoulder next to mine and help me carry the load to where it needs to go.  It does not change the weight of the burden.  The only difference is that we carry it together and the weight is physically lighter because I am not alone.  And we carry it to Jesus, because thats where our burdens belong.  As you walk with me, even though you're carrying this heavy thing with me, we BOTH draw closer to the Lord because of it.

What does this mean exactly?  Well, its hard to say because we need to constantly be checking with the Holy Spirit and asking Him because it will change based on the situation.  Yes, we are back to that point again.  You HAVE to be full of the Spirit in order to even bear another's burdens.  We need His power for everything.  

But I think usually it means that we do less talking and more listening when people are in pain.  It's so easy to listen to a friend recount their health troubles and spout off dietary changes that would help.  It's easy to listen to a friend with relationship problems and tell her to dump the loser.  It's easy to listen to problems and pop out with your answer for them.  Don't.  Listen first.  Really ask Jesus to help you FEEL what they are going through.  Pray.  Then maybe speak.  Maybe.  

When I was very sick about three years ago, I had the sweetest church body come alongside me and my family and bear that with us.  Women brought over dinner, so my poor family could eat something that wasn't from the frozen section at Walmart.  People prayed for me.  I remember sweet women bringing their kids over to my house to let their kids play with my kids because my kids were SO BORED (I was having heart problems and was basically a lump of a mommy).  One girl came over and cleaned my bathrooms.  BATHROOMS.  Like toilets, people.  I will never ever forget that.  One woman wrote me hand written encouragement cards.  How beautiful and rare is it to receive a card in the mail these days, huh?  And then, when it was all over and the pain was now coming from our hospital bills, sweet people dropped of anonymous gifts of money in our mailbox to help bear the burden of the debt that we were in (heart cath's are expensive!).  

Each person that bore our burden with us did it differently.  I think the Holy Spirit uses the gifts He has given us to make this come alive in our lives differently.  The woman who wrote those cards, definitely has the gift of encouragement rocking in her life.  The one who cleaned my toilets, gift of helps man!  And mercy!  Cause those were toilets she was cleaning!!!  And my son was only 3!  You get the picture though, right?  I can't tell you what it will look like exactly for you to bear the burdens of those around you but I CAN tell you, it will be a working, an outflow of the Spirits power in your life.  

I think verse 3-4 are interesting to note.  

"If anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.  But let each one examine his own works...

That at first seemed to be kind of out of nowhere.  Like Paul is wrapping things up here and needs to get all these statements in before he runs out of room on the scroll.  But actually, I don't think so.  I think he is saying to get in there.  Shoulder the load.  Put your shoulder to the shoulder of the person who is weighted down and really bear it with them.  But as you stoop down and get under the strain of it, it will be easy to become short tempered and want to be done.  (Have you ever helped someone move???)  As you get shoulder to shoulder, in such close proximity, you WILL see the imperfections in the person you are helping, and there is the tendency to then pick at the character of that person.  I feel like this is in here because Paul, and ultimately Jesus, wants us to remember to keep it all about HIM.  Don't examine the imperfections of the person you are coming alongside.  If you need to examine anyone other than Jesus, let it be yourself.  Let His truth affect you, and leave the correcting of the little things you might see in that other person to Jesus.  Now, I'm not talking about straight up sin issues.  Love will not ignore telling a person when they are in sin.  I'm talking about the little stuff.  The stuff that isn't a salvation issue.  I mean, hey, these people could have criticized me for my messy house, for my rowdy kids.  Honestly, there were times when my faith was weak and I was so tired of going through the pain and limitations of it all.  Someone could have told me that I wasn't having enough faith and trust.  And they would have been RIGHT!  But instead, they prayed.  They bore the load.  And God increased my faith.  Try to remember that when we are bearing someone else's load, they are going through a difficult time.  It's hard.  Don't judge.  Just love.  AND PRAY.  And then do what Jesus says to.  And it will be ALL GOOD!

Man, I hope I'm making sense here.  I have been so blessed by people bearing me up in my life, and I hope and pray that I get to return that.  I love that we have the body of Christ, spread out though we may be.  Prayer and love and bearing one another's burdens.....it lightens everything and just makes me feel like singing praise to Jesus!!!!  That's some joy right there!  Reminds me of last Thursday night's Hill Song concert at the Red Rocks...almost 10,000 people praising Him.....I cannot wait for Heaven where this is what we DO!

Walking with Scars

Tonight I am sitting here listening to the storm that finally decided to roll through while I think about Galatians 5:16-26.  All day this storm has teased me.  Have you ever just felt the NEED for a good rain.  I have felt my soul aching to have the thoughts that roll through my head washed away.  I have watched the sky darken in the distance and the wind pick up, only to peter out into nothing.  Twice, it began to sprinkle.  But stopped short of the deluge I was so wishing for.  As the kids and I walked out of Costco, I could SMELL the rain.  Like, I stopped them and made them close their eyes and sniff.  We blocked the traffic of people trying to get their receipts checked so they can go home, but I didn't care.  And the kids faces lit up.  They could smell it too!!!!!!!!  We were all just a little bit too giddy, if I can be honest.  We walked out into a few drops of rain....and then that was it.  I went back to checking the sky between dishes and dinner making and vacuuming and Bible story reading.  Nothing.

Then the sun went down, the wind picked up, and now I can hear it pouring.  It's raining enough to make an impact on my soul even if I can't see it.

My heart has been heavy today.  Ever had that kind of day?  Nothing is really any heavier than yesterday.  But it just feels heavy.  There IS some stuff going on, in all honesty, but nothing that I have any reason to be concerned with.  I mean, my Jesus is on the throne.  He is in charge and I am safe.  He is also loving and faithful and His banner over me is LOVE.  I BELONG.  I am not forsaken.  I am treasured and adored apart from my performance and perceived self-worth.  I am beloved in spite of my epic failures.  I am wanted even though He sees all the way into my yuck.  I know these things are true.  And I know that because they are true, nothing is really that big of a deal.  For reals.  I am not just saying that.  But, also for reals, I'm kinda not feeling it.  Knowledge and feelings don't always come together in my head.  And so my soul waits for a deluge in the form of an actual rain storm to rinse away the blah of my soul today.

But oh!  This is the cry of my heart!  I need a deluge not for my skin and my physical senses, but for my soul.  I need the Holy Spirit to pour over me.  My soul won't be overwhelmed by a darkening of the sky, by the smell of it, by a small sprinkling.  My soul needs to poured over by His Spirit!  Like NEEDS it.  I am so verse 17 way more often than I want to admit to.  There is such a war in me.  I don't really struggle (too much anyway) with wanting to be nice to people or do "the right thing"....my struggle is uglier than that.  I struggle with rejection. I have been hurt in my past.  In the not so distance past.  Today.  And I am tired of trying to walk through life pretending that I haven't.  Jesus has healed me FOR SURE.  And I am so thankful for that.  His blood is the most precious thing in the universe and I am so thankful that He held out His hands to me and welcomed me in.  But a serious wound that has been healed will leave a scar.  And I have had some serious wounds.  Which means I have some scars.  And it's okay to have scars.

Those of us that have born babes can attest.  Scars, stretch marks, they are just part of the territory.  You can spend all of your energy trying to return your body to the shape and size that it once was, but its mostly futile.  And really, why do we want to go back?  Aren't our precious little babes worth the rearranging of our bodies?

I feel like I spend way too much time trying to return my soul's figure to what I think in my mind it should look like (which, in keeping with the post baby body analogy, is probably not even realistic anyway).  Am I making any sense at all here?  Why am I trying to fight against my scars and stretch marks and pretend they don't exist???  I am who I am.  Each thing I have been through, regardless of the pain, has been allowed by a loving Father and has shaped me into who I am.  And it's not like I think I am so great or anything, just that I am who I am.  God has put me together exactly like He has and He wants to use me like this.  Scars and all.  They are reminders of who I used to be.  Reminders of who I so easily become when I am not mindful of Jesus and all that He has done on my behalf.  Reminders of who I am when I am not living full of His Spirit.

And I need to see what I look like when I don't walk in His Spirit.

Verse 25 kinda rocked me today.  If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.  I am no Bible scholar but it seems to me like these are separate and distinct.  I can be saved (living in the Spirit...total gift from Jesus to me) but it is different and distinct to be WALKING in the Spirit.  OUCH.  So I can be totally saved and totally a loser.  Bummer.  A very large bummer.

But I love that Jesus didn't dangle impossible demands over me and say there ya go, Jo.  Have fun with that.

NO WAY!

He left me with a Helper! (John 14)  I am not alone in this walk.  And because of His Spirit, I can walk free of legalism AND free from the bondage of the junk in verses 19-21.  Anybody out there ever annoyed at some of the stuff in that list?  Jealousies, selfish ambitions, envy....really????? Right next to murder and all that junk?  YIKES!  Not that I've ever been jealous or selfish or envious or anything....

But I have the power to leave that behind me and walk in the Spirit and bear fruit FOR HIS GLORY.  I just have to choose it every. single. day.

But the way that I choose it is to wait on Him (Acts 1:8), and to askHim to hook me up! (Luke 11:13)   Ask to be filled.  BEG to be filled.  Like the rain storm I so craved all day, I will not be satisfied with the signs that it's going to happen.  I won't be satisfied with a sprinkling.  I have to wait and ask until I receive the deluge that overwhelms my soul and empowers me to walk and not faint or grow weary (I'm not quite sure what running looks like yet, Im still just working on walking without fainting).  Cool thing is, He doesn't tease me like my storm today did.  He is just waiting to fill my hands with His good gifts.  I just have to ask.  I have to get my eyes off of my scars, off of my mistakes, off of the mistakes and hurts of others, and ASK....BEG.

And the times when I have actually gotten this right, and I have sat at His feet, He really has done cool stuff.  He really has born fruit that brought HIS NAME glory.  And it was beautiful.  Pray for me, okay?  I really want to sit down in His lap and watch Him make me a conduit of His love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  Cause I sure can't manufacture those on my own!  But when Im empty of me and full of Him....well, I cant wait to see what that might look like.

Liberty, Legality, and the Messes We Make

This morning I was up before the sunrise, and although I enjoy my sleep now, it reminded me of the season in my life when I worked for Starbucks and opened the store more than half of the week.  The way our store sat, there were two walls of windows that met each other in a corner looking out to the east and I could watch the sunrise over the hills of Southern California.  It was just the right timing, because the busyness and rushing of getting the store open had passed but there wasn't a morning rush yet and I could make drinks on the bar and watch the sky change colors and be lost in thoughts and in prayer as the colors changed from black to grey to brilliant oranges and reds and finally settling into a normal set of colors for the world.  It was like magic every morning.  My own display of fireworks.  It never stopped being awe inspiring.  

This morning though, there were no purples and oranges and reds, at least not the way I thought there would be.  I sat in my grey chair in the corner of my room and listened to a thunderstorm roll through.  That made think of Texas.  There's nothing quite like reading your Bible in the still of the morning and listening to the growl of thunder.  It was beautiful.  And as I finished reading, I looked out my window and saw this:

Oh man, I just LOVE rainbows.  I love my Promise Keeper.  I needed to see His promise as a banner of love across the sky this morning.  He is so faithful.  The last couple of weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions for me.  Some really great stuff is going on!  Jesus is working and moving and growing and its fabulous.  Some really hard stuff has gone on too.  Personal stuff that has made me get down on my knees and beg for the the Spirit of Truth to lead me into all truth.  Hard and weird and painful, but fruitful too, I think.  At least, Im praying I will be fruitful in this.  This season has been a bit John 12 style around here..."unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain."  There can be fruit if I let it happen.  I can't make it happen, that's Gods crazy mysterious working for sure.  But I have to be sure to let Him.  Some things have had to die in me.  My flesh.  My desire to be justified.  My desire to have my heart seen and not read wrong.  Even the little things that I cling to, that don't look to be wrong, I have to let go of.  I have to let go of ANY rights that I have and just let Him drop me in the ground and bear some fruit.  I don't get to pick the methods.  But by His grace, I DO get to be used.  That is mind blowing to me.

And can I just say that my mind has been blown this week by the love of God, but also by the love of His people.  Seriously, I have had so many people just shower the grace and love of Jesus on me and it has been so so sweet.  Thank you for praying for me!  Thank you for loving me!!!  Thank you for seeing that although I am way not perfect, I love Jesus and I love you.  It means so much to be showered by His love through you guys.  So thank you.  Thank you for taking the time to say kind things.  Thank you for just sticking with me over the years and knowing my quirks.  The love of the body of Christ, even spread out over the entire United States, is overwhelming.  Thank you.  And I love you too.  Like really, I could spend the next ten posts giving some shouts outs and not cover even the tiniest portion of it.  You girls are amazing.

Thanks for joining me through Galatians, too.  It's been so fun!  I've gotten to know some new people through this too which is way cool.  This week, we are going to devour the majority of chapter 5.  Go read 5:1-16.  This is some good stuff.  Watch out though, I might get a little rant-esque.  This is some serious stuff here.

Oh verse 1...stand fast!  I love that image, don't you?  Don't let go.  It's got the image of a boat that is held fast to a dock or shore.  A storm can roll through and that boat might shake, but it isn't going anywhere.  That's what I want to be!  I want to be tied up inside of Jesus so that when the world shakes and rumbles, I know that I am secure.  It also warns not to become entangled again in a yoke of bondage.  This is super key.  We CANNOT get caught up in earning our right standing before God.  Because thats stupid.  We can't ever earn that.  DUH!  Right?  But we can get tangled up and be kept busy with the idea that we have to do enough to earn His favor.  Cause then we're always so self focused that we aren't all about the Kingdom work.  We can't get past ourselves and into the deeper stuff Jesus wants to do.  And that’s not good! For sure.

BUT...13-15 are a giant warning and this really hit home for me as I read through this.  You see, I really feel like Jesus has done some cool stuff in my heart and in the hearts around me concerning legalism.  Like, for reals, it has been a beautiful season.  But, I also have to say that I have seen some stuff concerning legalism that gets me upset.  Well, alright, I guess I will just come out with it.  It seems to me that there are some people who cling so tightly to the concept that they will not be legalistic that they end up being legalistic about not being legalistic.  Well, now, that was clear huh.  Wow, I’m sorry.  Let me see if I can get this out a little better.  We do have liberty in Christ.  I have the freedom of knowing that whether I perform well or poorly, my Daddy loves me.  And that truly is freeing.  It is!!!  However, think of a family.  I think of my own. 

 I love my daughter.  
Even when she rolls her eyes at me.  
Even when she hides all the stuff she doesn’t feel like cleaning up under the desk so that her room appears clean so I won’t tell her to clean it (that’s an imagery lesson all by itself isn’t it!?!)  
Even when she lunges in ferocious anger after her brother in retaliation for the water he just squirted in her face.  
Even when she lies.  
And as she grows, she will do more junk for sure.  She can break my heart into tiny pieces and I will still love her.  She will still be my kid.  Her poor behavior will never make her less mine.  But, it will make our lives uncomfortable, even miserable depending on the circumstance.  And it WILL effect her relationships with those around her.  That’s what I see going on in these verses.  Don’t get caught up in legalism, don’t get caught up in proving your worth before God.  But also, don’t get caught up in your liberty either.  You've got to get caught up in Jesus! Whether you’re living legalistically or liberally, I think there is a common problem.  There is the tendency in both to constantly be looking at self (to check and see how you’re doing) and at others (because you’ve got the right way and you want to tell everyone else).  Oh man, I’m not making sense am I?  In my dealings with people who struggle with legalism, the effect it had on them was much the same as with people who claim to be free from it.  A legalistic person often measures up their worth with other people, is constantly looking around to see if others are better or worse than them.  It’s a pretty insecure place to be.  I’ve been there.  I know.  But, from the people who claim to “be free” I personally have seen a lot of the same stuff.  They seem to always be looking at others and measuring whether or not other people are as free as they are...labeling others as still under a yoke of bondage...always trying to prove that they are free, and scrutinizing the actions of others, sometimes even passing judgements on the hearts of others.  I mean, I get that Paul got fired up about stuff.  It’s good to be sure of what you’re sure of.  But it’s not good to constantly be in a place where you’re criticizing everything around you.  Paul spent four chapters talking passionately about the need to be free from a performance based relationship to God, so we know it’s important.  But I feel like this is placed in there because Paul knew that there would be people who get free from legalism and then end up caught up in being free and pointing out how others aren’t as free as they are and then comes the junk.  Jesus knew this would happen.  The Holy Spirit inspired this passage because He knew we would need to read it.

I think the danger comes when it becomes about US.  Which is what 13-15 are all about.  When we get caught up in the junk that flows out of all of this, we end up biting and devouring each other.  We make it about us and the standards we see.  But what about the things we can't see?  What about leaving room for our hearts to be flawed, to miss something good in someone else.  I have been wrong about about people...have you?  We can’t judge the hearts of others!  If you are struggling with legalism, dude, GET FREE!  Jesus loves you.  If you find that you don’t struggle with legalism, but you’re struggling with always having a problem with other people because they aren’t “free enough,” because they are too rigid if they read the One Year Bible, because they aren’t as passionate about the things you’re fired up about (prayer, reaching the lost, whatever), dude Paul is clear.  You will end up biting and devouring those around you.  Sounds harsh.  But Paul is harsh.  He is harsh because it matters so much.  There is Kingdom work to be done and we can’t get to it if we’re all caught up in the junk.  You read the Bible the way you feel convicted to, and I will do the same.  As long as we’re reading the Bible, who cares how?  You get fired up about this and I’ll get fired up about that and we will both be used to stir up each other and see some awesome stuff happen.  There’s too much cool stuff happening to spend time biting and devouring each other.

So, what’s the answer to all of this?  Vs 16

So, walking in the Spirit is the answer.  We have to constantly take our own hearts to the cross and apply the gospel and then get up and LOVE our neighbor.  If you find you constantly have a problem with the people of God, then you’ve got to check your own heart.  Paul says in verse 13 to use liberty through love as a chance to serve one another.  Let’s make that our focus!  Not our church models.  Not our ideas on how to reach people. Not our criticism of each other, or how we think we could do things better.  Let love for Jesus and for His kids drive our actions.  If we are walking in the Spirit, then it’s all good!  Love will be agape love, not our own flawed love, and it will cover imperfections and the focus will be on Jesus, not self or others.  If we’re walking in the Spirit then we will see that played out in our interactions with each other, in our love and service to each other.  

And that’s where I want to live, right at His feet, sitting in His lap, just wherever He is.  And I need to be empowered by His Spirit to even do that!  Dude, pray for me!

I'm an HEIR, baby!

Okay, so I know this is quite a bit of ground to cover, but I am so stoked to be going over Galatians 3:26-4:31 today!  It all goes together and it is all SO AWESOME!  So go, read it!  And be ready to share it with me.  (p.s. for those of you who have had trouble leaving a comment in the comment section it has been really cool to hear from you through Facebook and text.  You girls rock the house! Love you!)

As far as an update on us....oh man pray for us.  Jesus is wanting to do some crazy awesome stuff.  Like outside of the box kind of stuff.  Like crazy, we have to know this is Jesus kind of stuff.  And we are amped!  Sorry for being cryptic.  We are still praying, so when we hear from the Lord I will totally let you guys know what's up.  But pray for us, for wisdom, for open doors, for Christian.  This opportunity to work for My Green Home has really taken off and we are totally buying groceries regularly again and thats great!  But it does take a lot of his time and he wants to be sure he is dedicating time and prayer and energy into the vision God has given him for this place.  So yeah, your prayers are WAY appreciated.

Alrighty, lets dig in!

So this part is probably my favorite in like the whole Bible.  Okay, maybe it ties with a few other spots but it is definitely top ten.  This whole section is just so life changing!  We're talking about the difference between a son and heir...and a slave.  The difference between the access we have as a kid to cry out Daddy! and the contrast with the nasty slavery to legalism that we place ourselves under again when we lean on our works.  AGH!  SO MUCH GOOD STUFF IN HERE!

3:26-27 is the beginning of it all.  Through faith we have put on Christ and we are now His kids.  That's the beginning.  Not a cleaned up life.  Not a broken addiction to drugs, sex, alcohol.  The beginning is just what Jesus did!

vs 28 places us all on the same playing field.  There is no Jew nor Greek, no slave nor free, no male nor female, can I add in there that there is no "good enough"  "cute enough" "has well enough behaved kids"  "has a clean enough life".... we are "...all one in Christ Jesus."  Oh man, the freedom in that!  This is an area where I tend to fall down in.  Like I said in my last post, I tend to fall into the trap of comparison and man! that's an ugly place to live!  I want to live right here, at the foot of the cross where everyone is level.  Everyone is just loving Jesus and it is all GOOD!

vs29 is some GOOD STUFF.  I AM AN HEIR!!!!!!!!  I read that verse and I feel like I just won a million bucks.  I feel like those lame commercials that were on during daytime TV when I was a kid for the publishers clearing house (am I remembering that right?) when they knock on the door and say "you've won a bajillion dollars!  Here's your check." and the people look all shocked and surprised.  Dude, thats me with this verse!!!!  I am an heir.  And its according to His promise, not my works or worth apart from Him.  Oh man, I am one of those people who never wins games at a baby shower, my ticket is never called at a raffle, and I NEVER got picked for sports.  (I am lame and awkward so I don't blame anyone out there who didn't pick me for their team.  Im totally secure with my non-sporty self.)  But DUDE!  I am an HEIR!!!!  That means I am in line to receive the best stuff ever!  No check from publishers clearing house can touch that baby!  And it is apart from my own works.  It is according to HIS PROMISE which so rocks because then it is unchanging.  Completely outside of my messing up.  Cause I mess up.  A LOT.  Oh man, Jesus is so cool.

And then there's 4:6-7....
Because I am His kid, which I didn't make happen He did, He has given me His Spirit and the access to cry out to Him...Abba...which you guys know means the equivalent of Daddy.  Um yeah.  I could just stop right there.  I have a heavenly Daddy whose lap I can crawl into anytime I want...who is never too busy...who is never harsh...who longs to hear my heart and spend time with me...who has given me ACCESS into His presence.  Awe yeah! The End right there........ Except theres more!  It's like that box from Gramma at Christmas (or the one from my friend Ashley send that comes packed with Trader Joe's stuff)...there seems to always be more stuff in the box no matter how much cool stuff you pull out!  I'm no longer a slave!  I spent so many years being a slave to sin.  YUCKO.  just plain yuck.  Seriously, if you guys knew all the junk I did, you wouldn't let me near your kids.  Praise God for His redemptive work!!!!!!!!

BUT, don't we tend to do 4:9???  I know I have this tendency.  To return not to the vomit that was my old life, but to the weak and beggarly elements of bondage.  Not to my former yuck, but now I have the tendency to want to yoke myself under a bondage of slavery to performance.  It's not that doing well is bad.  But basing my standing before God on my performance is WAY BAD.   I love how Paul puts it there...weak and beggarly.  But dude!  We've been given all things that pertain to life and godliness!  Let's not sit near the ash heap!

Oh and vs 23.....Which do I want to be?  Of the flesh or of the Spirit?  Kind of makes it an easy choice, ya?

But vs28!  Oh beautiful vs 28!
I am not an Ishmael but I am an Isaac!  Oh I am so thankful!

And vs 30 rocks my world....Cast out the bondwoman....this is some sketchy ground to cover.

 Give me your thoughts, okay?  I'm feeling like it says that we have to cast out the things that aren't of the Spirit.  Be willing to be harsh with your fleshly tendencies.  Don't coddle your flesh!  Abraham was like the Bill Gates of his time.  He had tons of wealth, and he could have sent Hagar and Ishmael out with enough to set them up for life.  But he didn't.  He sent them out with a bread and a skin of water (Gen 21:14).  Seems kinda mean, ya?  But that is how we are to deal with our flesh.  Harshly.  Cut off the ties with it.  Burn bridges, so to speak.  Not in a legalistic way for sure.  I mean, duh, Galatians is fighting legalism.  But, by the power of the Spirit, CAST OUT THE BONDWOMAN.  That's going to mean something different for each of us.  I am praying in what that means for me right now.  I know for sure it means that as soon as I have dumb comparative thoughts, I have got to hand them over to Jesus and not coddle and nourish them in my mind.  We each have areas.  I remember when I was newly saved, I had the tendency to flirt with guys when they came through the line at Starbucks.  Sorry, is that too honest?  Well, anyway, I was newly saved and had come out of a life of desperately wanting a mans love and approval.  So, on the mornings I wore make up, I found myself flirting.  On the mornings I had forgotten to wear any, I found that I didn't flirt so much.  I kind of hid.  And I knew the flirting was wrong.  God had convicted me for sure, but I found I couldn't get myself to stop.  And the Lord said, deal harshly with it.  How about no make up?  WHOA right?  Cause make up isn't wrong.  In fact, to this day, I wish I knew how to put it on better.  I'm so lame at it.  But there isn't anything wrong with make up.  Isn't that legalistic?  No.  It wasn't.  It was a choice I made in order to deal harshly with my flesh.  It wasn't forever.  It didn't make me more godly.  In fact, it showed how NOT spiritually mature I was.  But it was one of the first times I ever made the decision to deal harshly with my flesh.  Am I making any sense?  I so don't want to come across legalistic.  Cause that's not cool.  But what are your thoughts?