The Danger of Bitterness

Well, it has been a long time since I last posted an update on how things are going around here.  Things have been busy, and there's been a lot of change.  Some of it great!  Some of it sad yet really really good, too.  And I've just not been in the mood to write down my feelings.  But this morning I was so struck by Michal in 1Chronicles 15 that I just have to try to get out what I am feeling.

The background here is that David is bringing back the ark to Jerusalem.  It had been taken by the Philistines and then they gave it back (great story there, go read it!) and David tried to bring the ark back without consulting the Lord on how to do it (15:13).  That ended super sad and for a while David was afraid to bring the ark home, to mess up again.  But as he saw that the house of Obed-Edom (the dude whose house he left the ark at before running back to Jerusalem) was super blessed and prosperous (what a picture of the blessings that come just from being in the presence of God), David decided to bring home the ark.  But this time He did it Gods way.  How important it is that we do God's stuff God's way!  Zeal isn't enough.  We need to seek Him, to know His character and His word, and then do His stuff His way.  He has a reason for it.

But that's another point.  The thing that struck me today was at the end of the chapter.  David is cruising into town, dancing and twirling and playing music....looking not at all like a dignified king.  and verse 28 tells us that,

"...she despised him in her heart."

And I have always seen that verse and thought, wow, our thought life will affect our actions.  She was all hateful in her heart and it later came out towards David.

But today I was struck by this question and the implications of the possible answers...

Why did Michal despise David in her heart?

Was is because
1. She personally lacked a passionate fervor to worship the Lord?  Watching David twirl and dance before the Lord with joy, did she know that something within her should want to do the same?  But instead of responding to the Lords call to enter in, did she bury the feelings and lash out in hate?

That's not that far fetched you know.  When someone else excels at what we do not, it is so easy to criticize, tear down, until we feel better about where we lack. We, as humans, do that.  How sad.  I am praying that the Lord will make me joyful and challenged when others excel where I don't.  I don't want to be like Michal.

Was it because
2. Her pride kept her from wanting to look undignified in front of the kingdom?  Don't judge, dude.  We do this too.  You want to stand in worship, or kneel, or whatever...have you ever NOT done it, because you were afraid of how it would look?  Have you ever felt that you were supposed to pray for someone or give a word and just not done it because it might be seen as extreme?  I have!  Another thing to cover in prayer for sure.

But the last thing on my heart convicts me the most.  Was it because of
3. Bitterness
This is, to me, the most dangerous poison of all.  Because we can see and identify pride and a lack of fervor for the Lord and see it as wrong.  But bitterness is sneaky.  I was thinking about how much Michal and David had gone through.  Their's wasn't the healthiest of relationships for sure.  Drama, man, drama.  But at some point Michal really loved David.  When you really love someone, you open yourself up to be hurt.  Vulnerability.  And David had hurt her for sure.  Most recently,  David had taken away the man that she married when David left.  Granted, she shouldn't have gotten remarried but still, the dude LOVED her deeply( he bawled his eyes out as she was taken away).  And David just took her away from him and put her in the palace....along with all the wives that HE had gained while he was away.  Doesn't seem fair.  Or kind.  And IT WASN'T.  Michal had some sincere hurts, real wrongs that David had done to her.  These things weren't made up or even blown out of proportion like I can so easily do.

BUT, to hang on to the hurts.....I know I am speculating here, but it doesn't feel like a far stretch to me.  Because I have seen it happen in my own life.  When we hold on to the hurt that others have caused us, even if it is a real wrong that we didn't "deserve,"

we are robbing OURSELVES of the ability to enter in to JOY and worship.

Is it worth it to hang on to our "rights" and miss out on joy?  Do we want to place ourselves like Michal in the palace window, all locked up inside of our own hurts? Or do we want to place ourselves down in the streets with the people of God, praising God, full of the joy of God?

It is our choice.  It's my choice.

Bitterness is sneaky.  It's like mold.  It creeps in unnoticed.  It takes a LOT of effort to kill.  And no matter how many times you kill it, you have to be aware that it will want to come back.  I have had bitterness issues that I totally gave over to the Lord only to have it rear its ugly head years later.  So i guess I am challegning you (and mostly myself) to be on guard against bitterness.  Let's not let it rob us of joy and fellowship.  Let's gather together in the streets and sing His praises because what HE DID ON THE CROSS is bigger than any offense anyone has ever done.

P.S. Last week, we said goodbye to the Goldens.  The Lord opened a door to them in McKinney, Texas and we are SO SAD to see them go but so thankful for our time with them here and for their obedience to His calling on their lives.  Pray for them but also for us too!  We miss them already and we just can't wait until heaven when we will be gathered together with all of the sweet people we love that are scattered across the country.