...But God...

This morning in my One Year Bible reading, I was just knocked back on my keister by genesis. And then again, Matthew seemed to be exactly the same message for me. So instead of getting all long winded on the Facebook page (again...gulp...sorry bout that) I thought I'd just go ahead and get verbose over here on my blog. I'll try to keep it short and sweet.  No promises though, haha. 

So my hubs and I have this sort of "thing" for the "but God" moments in the bible. We love how God crashes in to our yuck with a courageous and triumphant "but I'm here."

Genesis 8:1

BUT GOD remembered Noah and all the wild animals and livestock that were with Him in the ark and sent a wind over the earth and the waters receded. 

John 1:18

No one has ever see God, BUT GOD the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made Him known.

Romans 5:8

BUT GOD demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

1 Corinthians 1:27

BUT GOD chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise...

Ephesians 2:4

BUT GOD, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ....

I could go on and on. There are so many radical examples of Jesus crashing in and doing amazing things even though it all looked so terrible!  Even in my own life, there are so many "BUT GOD" moments. I was bogged down in the mire of drugs and alcohol BUT GOD came after me and rescued me. I almost gave up on love and family, BUT GOD brought me my hubs and changed the way I walk with Jesus because of it. I almost died of a crazy staff infection in my brain BUT GOD took care of me and healed every bit of that infection. We all have these BUT GOD moments. So everytime I read a BUT GOD verse in the bible, I'm almost salivating for the yummy taste of Jesus victory that I know is coming. Like smelling a batch of freshly baked bread and knowing how that steamy fluffy bread will taste. What my carb-loving self is trying to say is that I get amped when I read the words BUT GOD. 

And today I read genesis 45:8 and I was just stopped dead in my proverbial tracks.  This BUT GOD was different. I had to just pause and meditate on that. The BUT GOD was a sentence that seemed to hurt not triumph. Then again in Matthew I watched as Jesus sent them INTO a storm. And I just sat back and thought about how much of my life I waste being ungrateful over what is actually a gift to me. 

You see, we rejoice and teach bible studies and reflect on the BUT GOD verses and moments in our own lives but 

Do we rejoice at THIS instance so BUT GOD ?

When the scenario is 

BUT GOD sent me into a season of darkness

BUT GOD sent me into a prison cell

BUT GOD sent me directly out onto the sea and into a storm He knew would be coming

Do we still rejoice that God is swooping in? Can we see the miraculous in even the dark places and valleys that He leads us through?

Can we choose to look above the waves and fix our eyes on the Author and Finisher of our faith?  Will we trust the God that sometimes sends us into the dark places will meet us there. Will we trust that there will be fruit from the storm, the trial, the swirling chaos of the dark places, and that the fruit is worth having been sent into it?

Joseph is leaping off of these pages and begging us to take heart and not lose faith because not only is there and end to these difficulties but there is also purpose in it as well.  There will be fruit from this. Joseph is promising us. The disciples are whispering. Joseph's fruit was restoration of relationships and the preservation of not only his life but the future messiah that would bring TRUE LIFE available to the entire world. For the disciples, they experienced Jesus coming to meet them in the very midst of their storm. That alone is beautiful and worth it all. They saw miraculous water walking, too.  But to me the most apparent and beautiful fruit of that storm was the PRAISE. 

As the storm ended there was beautiful worship. 

So I was challenged:

Jo, will you rejoice when we get to the BUT GOD moments that include

BUT GOD allowed the loss of a baby

BUT GOD allowed the loss of a job

BUT GOD allowed a tumor to grow 

BUT GOD allowed permanent limitations

BUT GOD allowed loneliness 

Jo, will you CHOOSE to find the fruit, look over the top of the waves, and rejoice that you don't live without purpose. The threads of pain are a beautiful contrast and bring depth to the moments of beauty. They make the tapestry that He is weaving my life into have a meaning and purpose. 

There is JOY down in the valley. 

Last Sunday at church during worship we were singing this simple chorus 

Glorious, my eyes have seen the glory of the Lord

And I was brought to tears because I as I sang these words, images began to flash before my eyes:

Sitting in my chair upstairs in Colorado reading my bible and watching the snow fall before anyone else was awake

Sledding down pine tree hill in the snow

Inter tubing down Boulder Creek with my sweet family

I was thinking about how sweet the glory of the Lord has been in my life. And then it began to be mixed in with surprising images. 

Waking up in the ICU after emergency surgery and seeing hazily the helmet that would protect my eyesight and my brain for the next month. 

Laying in bed in the hospital night after night, lonely and in pain and crying and asking the Lord not to let a nurse come check on me until I could calm down because I was afraid I would ruin my witness for Jesus if I was a blubbering fool. 

Laying in bed soaked with sweat and shaking from withdrawals from pain killers that I never once abused but still had to go through the pain of coming off of. 

And I was struck in my heart as I stood in that sanctuary and sang of His glory. Because He showed up in every single one of those moments and they were all in their own way beautiful. He met in those places and the beauty of His presence was enough to make the difficulty of what I went through worth it. 

I saw my backyard with two cups of coffee and a friend and sunshine. 

I saw my family walk out the door to go somewhere that I couldn't because I couldn't get out of bed yet. 

I saw my kids sliding down a slip and slide in my front yard because my next door neighbor is amazing and played with them when I couldn't move. 

I saw lightning and tornados passing on the horizon from my second story window. 

I saw hail and sunshine and thunder and wind and beauty. 

The song played on, I sang on, and faster and faster I saw more moments of my life. Beauty mixed with pain and all infused with grace and His glory and I was overwhelmed. 

So the answer is YES. I will choose to rejoice when I see the BUT GOD moments come crashing into my life. Whether it is something that the world would call good or bad, I will rejoice because that is where His glory dwells. And I only want to be there.