A Cloud of Witnesses

Okay, all you awesome people out there, I've got an update and a request.

Update first:

I had my appointment with my neurosurgeon and I am having surgery again. After my original surgery, there was a considerable amount of pain that my doctor did not feel was normal or good. We have tried every non-invasive plan that there is (because I do NOT want to do another surgery) and given it almost 6 months, but the pain is actually becoming increasingly worse with time instead of better.  I had a CT done and it showed that at the surgery sight there is something metallic sticking out of the side of my head in at least two spots.  Even my completely untrained eye could actually see the pieces of metal sticking about an eighth of an inch out of my skull on the scan.  Basically what happened is this: there is a titanium mesh in the hole where my skull used to be that is covered with cement. As my scar tissue formed, it has pushed up the mesh out of place and that mesh is now sticking out of my head. And titanium mesh is sharp. So basically it is continuously cutting the inside of my head against my skull. Like, think splinter but then larger and made of metal.  Yeah so since the pain is becoming so bad, my doctor has said it is time to take care of this because it will not resolve itself and needs to be dealt with. So he says surgery.  Fun times. 

Prayer needs?

Insurance and all of that jazz

Safe surgery and recovery

My poor family that has been functioning with half a mommy

That Jesus will get some crazy awesome glory from this time in the hospital and with the doctor. He and his medical assistant are so sweet and I just want to know what Jesus wants me to say to them in all of this. 

Now here is my request of all of you:

Can you share your Jesus story with me?

I was thinking about Hebrews 12:1-2 and it talks about how because we have such a great cloud of witnesses surrounding us (the hall of faith-ers were just right before this), we have what we need to throw off every weight that hinders us and better run the race of faith that is before us.  And that is so TRUE!!!!  That's one of the amazing benefits of reading that book every single day!  I can get all self focused and then I come across Hannah or Jospeh and I'm all whoa okay just kidding, I'll chill out and thank Jesus instead of all of this whining.

BUT

Then I thought about all of you...

Each of you has a beautiful story of Gods sovereign grace in your life. Some of you, I know the story. But not really.  It's different to hear bits and pieces of the story as we live life together than it is to hear it written out as a story. And I would LOVE to leaf through your stories as I lay in bed recovering from this surgery and seeking to find His face in this beautiful mess!  And even if I know it, I would like to read it again, be reminded of all that He has done. And if we haven't really talked about your story, let's fix that!? I would be so encouraged by that. I would love to just read through the stories and be reminded if how awesome of a God we serve. 

So will you share with me your Jesus story?  Will you be part of that great cloud of witnesses that spurs me on towards my finish line? Long and thought out, short and in a hurry, whatever you've got. Who you were before Christ's transformative power...who you are now...crazy awesome triumphs...beauty from the defeats that He works together for good...I want to read it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly, as it were. If you send me yours, I will do my best to send you mine back. You can email me at joleenslye@gmail.com and I'll try to return as fast as I can. 

Thank you for the thoughts and prayers and the love and hopefully your stories. Thank you for walking through this with me!

Much love from Colorado!

Hardship and Adventure are not Synonyms

I have been incredibly challenged today by John 16:33

"In the world, YOU WILL HAVE TRIBULATION; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

My daughter asked me today,

"Mommy why is God making you so sick all the time?"

Honestly it's a question that I can't believe she hasn't asked in the last nine months since things escalated so rapidly.  I'm not sure how I have gotten out of having to answer it, and it made me look at myself and see that even though I know the right answers to the question, maybe the dark places of my heart just weren't listening to the truth.

You know, like the disciples who would hear Jesus say I have to be betrayed and killed but I'll cruise over on the third day and we'll chill. He was saying, "It's all good; don't freak out." And then the disciples would ask about who is the greatest or something dumb. And then they tripped out when He died because it was a surprise to them.

They weren't listening even though they could hear. Like my kids when I say clean up your room. Or me when Jesus says He's got this cause He's Sovereign like that. 

So my daughter and I began talking. A lot of times difficulties come just because we live in a fallen world and things here aren't perfect. Like I read in an Elizabeth Elliot book a couple of weeks ago

"Heaven is not here. It is there."

Like, duuUuuh, but still I need to be reminded. 

We also talked about how even the difficulties in life can be beautiful places that Jesus in His wisdom and sovereignty allows because He promises to carry us through and because He sees what beauty He will bring from the proverbial ashes. 

Isaiah 61:3

"He has sent Me to...

Give them beauty for ashes

The oil of joy for mourning,

The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;

That they may be called trees of righteousness,

The planting of The Lord,

That He may be glorified."

My daughter and I snuggled in my bed and talked about the things of beauty that we have already seen Him bring from this place of difficulty. And as I comforted her, I was so comforted myself.  Jesus just wrapped His loving arms around us and spoke peace into the room.  Abigail was no longer scared. Like a trusting child, she does not need to know the details.  She just needed to be reassured of the character of the God we serve. Oh how I long for my faith to be so beautiful someday as that little girls!

So today has been a lot of reflecting.  Psalm 103 kicked my butt this morning. A crazy awesome reminder to "FORGET NOT all His benefits."

So there's been a lot of listing out of blessings.  My body still works enough to be at home and not in a hospital, my children are both well in mind and mostly well in body, I have been able to homeschool even if it is less excitingly fun for the kids, I have an amazing husband who loves Jesus and me enough to spend his days off cleaning our house and batch baking so I can easily reheat food that is safe for Seth to eat, I have a bible (like ten in fact) readily available to me for study any time I wish, I have an iPhone with podcasted bible studies for when my eyes aren't cooperating, I have a nice home with all of the amenities I need and even more, I have a neighborhood full of ministry that comes to my door even when I am sick so that I am not just rotting away in my chair in the corner.....so so so much more but I am boring you by now.

But honestly, the difficulties have been very present in my mind as well.  

My health kind of took a dive this week.  Which, now that I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, actually makes sense. I guess it's called a flare up?  All I know is that I can barely walk because I'm in so much pain.  That on top of the intense pain in my head that still hasn't gone away and the chaos with my heart and yeah, things have just been frustratingly DIFFICULT. (Don't ever say I wasn't open and vulnerable with you, okay?)

I've spent more time than I want to describe to the internet on this chair in the corner of the living room.  And I want out!  I want to be done. I want a break from this!  Vacation?  

No matter how I pray though, Jesus keeps speaking the same words to me.  I have something for you in this. Don't give up. It's always too early to give up. Tuck into the shadow of My wings even deeper. This is the secret place of My Presence where I will hide you (Psalm 91:1)

So I feel like every day I am walking in choices.  My body aches so badly that I am literally in silent tears throughout the day. But Jesus is bigger. My son can't make one wrong food choice without curling in a ball on the floor in debilitating pain.  But this place of utter absolute dependence on Him for EVERYTHING is the place where He meets me!  Will I give that up?  Will I trade that in?  (Some days that question would have different answers. I'm glad He is in charge of keeping me where He needs me to be)

So it's been this battle in my mind. REMEMBER all His benefits. Thankfully the rest of Psalm 103 talks about His mercies for when I cheese out and don't remember.  Cause I do in fact cheese out and forget. A lot.

And today as I was reading about a woman's first impressions of coming to Palestine just before the start of World War II, I had one of those lightbulb moments.  She had been so focused on the freedom oh being in her homeland and away from Nazis that the barren wasteland of rifle fire and scorpions in your shoes was a shock.  She had thought only of adventure when the Zionists had said "hardship."

So many of us hear the bible warn of hardship but instead we picture ADVENTURE, happily setting off as if this were a camping trip.  Both ARE certain in this walk with Him, but I think we have confused the two! And the confusion has left us shell shocked when we walk into the battle. 

We get all pumped to go experience the nitty gritty REAL Christian walk, knowing that Jesus promises tribulation in this life.  

But when the trail turns out to be less like the Jungle Cruise at Disneyland and a little more like a battle ground in the dark, we get thrown. We're like whoa, forget this I'm out!

I think when we stop confusing hardship and adventure then we will become more ready for BOTH.  Life is a crazy beautiful adventure with Jesus FOR SURE.  But like Peter said,

"Beloved do not think it strange concerning the FIERY TRIAL which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you...."

Fiery trial doesn't sound like "hey here's a little inconvenience for you".  Most of us are amped and ready for a fiery inconvenience, let's be honest. 

Fiery trial sounds painful and difficult and REFINING.  

Hardship and adventure are not synonyms, and that's okay. It's okay that hardship is actually hard. Jesus knows our frame, that we are dust. So just be aware that hardship stinks but it's good and then we can let Him infuse beauty into the melody of suffering. 

I know for me, that is what this has been. Each of us has different things to go through.  My health struggles, yeah they're like cake for a ton of you out there going through intense stuff.  But no matter what our trial is, we need to maybe get some perspective. 

 This isn't a pleasure cruise through the Carribean. This is war. This is life. This is real. Pack your bags with weapons for protection and with instruments for celebration!  Both will happen! 

And if we can stop confusing tribulation with adventure I think we will all be so much more prepared for what comes and ready to worship regardless of the circumstance. 

And I want to worship regardless of the circumstance. Because He is so very worthy.