tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62573468977606677332024-03-04T20:12:50.557-08:00she shall be like a tree
This blog is all about...life! Sometimes you'll find posts on cookies, my kids, latest sewing fail and all manner of randomness. But with it I promise to share with you what Jesus is speaking into my life and to be real and honest in my failures so we can just live life loving Jesus and learning from each other. Leave me comments! (mostly nice please) Lets walk this together!joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.comBlogger56125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-10970569329591760582016-01-22T10:39:00.001-08:002016-01-22T10:39:56.297-08:00...But God...This morning in my One Year Bible reading, I was just knocked back on my keister by genesis. And then again, Matthew seemed to be exactly the same message for me. So instead of getting all long winded on the Facebook page (again...gulp...sorry bout that) I thought I'd just go ahead and get verbose over here on my blog. I'll try to keep it short and sweet. No promises though, haha. <div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKMGmamPRjxikc8dpgupzXJ84tViPH4g7QF7MdNmJsjSWFAcKweQykJt570uowQQOMIsiLnQR0bajWArK_HH28o-JDuJgjx8kebze0bM2s1tVpVxZOHuXeBQnZlr7BqhtrmE67gWSxZm1w/s640/blogger-image-578051178.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKMGmamPRjxikc8dpgupzXJ84tViPH4g7QF7MdNmJsjSWFAcKweQykJt570uowQQOMIsiLnQR0bajWArK_HH28o-JDuJgjx8kebze0bM2s1tVpVxZOHuXeBQnZlr7BqhtrmE67gWSxZm1w/s640/blogger-image-578051178.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">So my hubs and I have this sort of "thing" for the "but God" moments in the bible. We love how God crashes in to our yuck with a courageous and triumphant "but I'm here."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Genesis 8:1</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">BUT GOD remembered Noah and all the wild animals and livestock that were with Him in the ark and sent a wind over the earth and the waters receded. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">John 1:18</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">No one has ever see God, BUT GOD the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made Him known.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Romans 5:8</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">BUT GOD demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">1 Corinthians 1:27</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">BUT GOD chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Ephesians 2:4</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">BUT GOD, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ....</div><br></div><div>I could go on and on. There are so many radical examples of Jesus crashing in and doing amazing things even though it all looked so terrible! Even in my own life, there are so many "BUT GOD" moments. I was bogged down in the mire of drugs and alcohol BUT GOD came after me and rescued me. I almost gave up on love and family, BUT GOD brought me my hubs and changed the way I walk with Jesus because of it. I almost died of a crazy staff infection in my brain BUT GOD took care of me and healed every bit of that infection. We all have these BUT GOD moments. So everytime I read a BUT GOD verse in the bible, I'm almost salivating for the yummy taste of Jesus victory that I know is coming. Like smelling a batch of freshly baked bread and knowing how that steamy fluffy bread will taste. What my carb-loving self is trying to say is that I get amped when I read the words BUT GOD. </div><div><br></div><div>And today I read genesis 45:8 and I was just stopped dead in my proverbial tracks. This BUT GOD was different. I had to just pause and meditate on that. The BUT GOD was a sentence that seemed to hurt not triumph. Then again in Matthew I watched as Jesus sent them INTO a storm. And I just sat back and thought about how much of my life I waste being ungrateful over what is actually a gift to me. </div><div><br></div><div>You see, we rejoice and teach bible studies and reflect on the BUT GOD verses and moments in our own lives but </div><div><br></div><div>Do we rejoice at THIS instance so BUT GOD ?</div><div><br></div><div>When the scenario is </div><div>BUT GOD sent me into a season of darkness</div><div>BUT GOD sent me into a prison cell</div><div>BUT GOD sent me directly out onto the sea and into a storm He knew would be coming</div><div><br></div><div><b><i><u>Do we still rejoice that God is swooping in? Can we see the miraculous in even the dark places and valleys that He leads us through?</u></i></b></div><div><br></div><div>Can we choose to look above the waves and fix our eyes on the Author and Finisher of our faith? Will we trust <b><i>the God that sometimes sends us into the dark places will meet us there</i></b><i style="font-weight: bold;">. </i>Will we trust that there will be fruit from the storm, the trial, the swirling chaos of the dark places, and that the fruit is <i style="font-weight: bold;">worth</i> having been sent into it?</div><div><br></div><div>Joseph is leaping off of these pages and begging us to take heart and not lose faith because not only is there and end to these difficulties but there is also <i style="font-weight: bold;">purpose</i> in it as well. There will be fruit from this. Joseph is promising us. The disciples are whispering. Joseph's fruit was restoration of relationships and the preservation of not only his life but the future messiah that would bring TRUE LIFE available to the entire world. For the disciples, they experienced Jesus coming to meet them in the very midst of their storm. That alone is beautiful and worth it all. They saw miraculous water walking, too. But to me the most apparent and beautiful fruit of that storm was the <i style="font-weight: bold;">PRAISE. </i></div><div><i style="font-weight: bold;"><br></i></div><div><i style="font-weight: bold;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrWwoocelzLWN5fRJ9YaUc2hO8TaTqvy35Qr7zs5aTueexpb_v4bqH07ERlLu9_FpueRxUiq9rwggM_Ft00ErnHpbG2xZ8XrxBwoTGrj7vfH-yiC5_ySbgDB5bp6IRObx0sekiooQ-djjm/s640/blogger-image--9878829.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrWwoocelzLWN5fRJ9YaUc2hO8TaTqvy35Qr7zs5aTueexpb_v4bqH07ERlLu9_FpueRxUiq9rwggM_Ft00ErnHpbG2xZ8XrxBwoTGrj7vfH-yiC5_ySbgDB5bp6IRObx0sekiooQ-djjm/s640/blogger-image--9878829.jpg"></a></div><br></i></div><div><i style="font-weight: bold;"><br></i></div><div><i style="font-weight: bold;">As the storm ended there was beautiful worship. </i></div><div><i style="font-weight: bold;"><br></i></div><div>So I was challenged:</div><div>Jo, will you rejoice when we get to the BUT GOD moments that include</div><div><br></div><div>BUT GOD allowed the loss of a baby</div><div>BUT GOD allowed the loss of a job</div><div>BUT GOD allowed a tumor to grow </div><div>BUT GOD allowed permanent limitations</div><div>BUT GOD allowed loneliness </div><div><br></div><div>Jo, will you CHOOSE to find the fruit, look over the top of the waves, and rejoice that you don't live without purpose. The threads of pain are a beautiful contrast and bring depth to the moments of beauty. They make the tapestry that He is weaving my life into have a meaning and purpose. </div><div><br></div><div><b>There is JOY down in the valley. </b></div><div><br></div><div>Last Sunday at church during worship we were singing this simple chorus </div><div><br></div><div><i>Glorious, my eyes have seen the glory of the Lord</i></div><div><br></div><div>And I was brought to tears because I as I sang these words, images began to flash before my eyes:</div><div><br></div><div>Sitting in my chair upstairs in Colorado reading my bible and watching the snow fall before anyone else was awake</div><div><br></div><div>Sledding down pine tree hill in the snow</div><div><br></div><div>Inter tubing down Boulder Creek with my sweet family</div><div><br></div><div>I was thinking about how sweet the glory of the Lord has been in my life. And then it began to be mixed in with surprising images. </div><div><br></div><div>Waking up in the ICU after emergency surgery and seeing hazily the helmet that would protect my eyesight and my brain for the next month. </div><div><br></div><div>Laying in bed in the hospital night after night, lonely and in pain and crying and asking the Lord not to let a nurse come check on me until I could calm down because I was afraid I would ruin my witness for Jesus if I was a blubbering fool. </div><div><br></div><div>Laying in bed soaked with sweat and shaking from withdrawals from pain killers that I never once abused but still had to go through the pain of coming off of. </div><div><br></div><div>And I was struck in my heart as I stood in that sanctuary and sang of His glory. Because He showed up in every single one of those moments and <i>they were all in their own way beautiful</i>. He met in those places and the beauty of His presence was enough to make the difficulty of what I went through <i style="font-weight: bold;">worth it. </i></div><div><i style="font-weight: bold;"><br></i></div><div>I saw my backyard with two cups of coffee and a friend and sunshine. </div><div><br></div><div>I saw my family walk out the door to go somewhere that I couldn't because I couldn't get out of bed yet. </div><div><br></div><div>I saw my kids sliding down a slip and slide in my front yard because my next door neighbor is amazing and played with them when I couldn't move. </div><div><br></div><div>I saw lightning and tornados passing on the horizon from my second story window. </div><div><br></div><div>I saw hail and sunshine and thunder and wind and <i style="font-weight: bold;">beauty. </i></div><div><i style="font-weight: bold;"><br></i></div><div>The song played on, I sang on, and faster and faster I saw more moments of my life. Beauty mixed with pain and all infused with grace and His glory and I was overwhelmed. </div><div><br></div><div><i>So the answer is YES. I will choose to rejoice when I see the BUT GOD moments come crashing into my life. Whether it is something that the world would call good or bad, I will rejoice because that is where His glory dwells. And I only want to be there. </i></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-84813110263129032882015-10-08T17:49:00.001-07:002015-10-08T18:23:16.951-07:00TODAY MATTERSI was thinking today about the monotony of the everyday. How easy it is to get caught in the little things like finances and health and lose track of the important things like love and grace and mercy and dear sweet HEAVEN. How easy it is to lose focus on what is truest and most real and genuinely good in life. <div><br></div><div>It's been easy for me to get side tracked these days. You see, we are sick in this house right now. So my house is a wreck and the kids are a bit of a wreck. Christian's seasonal job is winding down, and there are no jobs on the horizon (not for lack of trying, I promise you). I have found a routine with schooling and housework, but it takes every bit of my strength to get through simple things that used to bring joy and almost be relaxing. (I cannot explain how much I used to love to chop vegetables and fruit. It was so soothing to just pull out bags of produce and chop them into little well ordered Tupperware ready for my family to grab and eat. Now chopping hurts and is a struggle so it consumes quite a bit of energy. So, that means less time for reaching out, for making friendships happen in a new place. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">It's hard to make friends when you're just trying to stay afloat in the everyday of life. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Although I have been going to my church's women's bible study on Mondays...so I am trying I promise ). But it's easy to get caught up in just plain how much pain I am in. It's so hard some days to see anything else when the pain makes you bite your lip with every movement. </span><div><br></div><div>Now, I know that there aren't a lot of you out there with my exact issues. So many of you have many more complicated things that you're going through. Some of you are caught like deer in the head lights of the semi-tractor trailer that is infancy-toddlerhood in your home. I get that too. For reals. <i>But I think wether you're like a sweet friend of mine who is facing her daughters cancer diagnosis, like me with some limitations that you're not super stoked on, or just caught up the wheelhouse of life that keeps moving without really showing it's purpose, I feel like I'm supposed to tell you this:</i></div><div><br></div><div><b>TODAY MATTERS</b></div><div><br></div><div>It's too easy to think it doesn't.</div><div><br></div><div>When my babies were little and I was wading through the fog of sleeplessness combined with post parthum depression and my husbands insane work schedule, I remember just felling the pointlessness of it all. I loved my babies, truly. But some days were just full wow, as soon as I change that diaper, he is going to fill it again. As soon as I feed them, I'll need to clean it up and after I do that, it will be time to make a healthy snack, and then I'll need to sit and feed it to them, and then I'll need to clean it up, and then it will be time to start dinner! <b><i>There were days when my life felt like a much less colorful version of the book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie..." </i></b> Maybe I should have added cookies to my day. Duly noted. For those of you out there currently in this fog, go get a cookie. Get a cookie, and remember that TODAY MATTERS. That day, the one where we changed four times because of food or puke or other dried on revelations found running down our clothing but never actually got dressed because the change was just into new pajamas. That one where everyone took turns throwing up. That one day when nothing exciting happened and it was just a series of nose wipes, tooshy wipes, and face wipes that crescendoed into a swirl of tears and howling just before the silence of everyone passed out for the night. </div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><b><i>That day when you wanted to give up, but you DIDNT. That's the day I'm talking about. THAT ONE MATTERS. </i></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Because without those seemingly insignificant days, my kids wouldn't have grown up into who they are. Because without the days of wiping tooshies and noses, we could not have come to the days of my kids sharing their faith. When Seth boldly told his bestie that Jesus loves him, yeah THAT day couldn't have happened without the many days that seemed to blur together in his infancy. </span></div><div><br></div><div>For me, for this season of my life, the struggle has been, what's the point? </div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Everything I do is still not enough to get done with everything on my list for the day. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">And I have pared down my list and talked my list over with Jesus. I'm not trying to do too much. Dinner on the table and toilets that are clean and just the basics are still so hard for me to do and I just plain do NOT get it all done everyday. <i>So there's this piece of me that says why am I even trying</i>? (I'm just being honest) And the answer that Jesus is speaking to me is this: BECAUSE TODAY MATTERS. That day when I realized no one cleaned the bathrooms last week and I just plain couldn't because my neck hurt. That day when the Fridge was full of food but I was not full of energy to make it jump into a pot and become more than ingredients. That day when the pain was so bad that my biggest accomplishment was to stop crying and get out of bed. That day when I walked outside and realized I killed all my plants by forgetting to water them. For a week. <b><i>THAT DAY MATTERS.</i></b> <i>Because those days roll in to each other and lead us into the ones</i> where your daughter talks to you about how she FEELS during a worship service or tells you how thankful she is that Jesus died for her. Because those days lead into the ones where your son says teach me to play guitar because I keep writing songs about how much I love The Lord and I want to play them. </span><b style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-style: italic;">Without the days that I crawled through broken and bleeding , I could not have come to the triumph of those moments!!! </b><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Am I even making sense here? I guess what I'm saying here is that even if today genuinely stinks, it is still a bridge to tomorrow and to the next day and we just don't know what beautiful things we have awaiting us. The beauty WILL be there. We can't grow weary in well doing because Jesus promises us that we WILL reap a reward if we don't lose heart. So I guess I'm saying don't lose heart. And I took a long time to do so. Sorry about that. </span></div><div><br></div><div>Maybe you're not in the fog of little ones or the haze of poor health or chronic pain. Maybe it's just the monotony of the everyday that just seems to wear us down. The same job, the same breakfast routine, the same reaction from your family that seems to not think much of you, the same elderly parent dying, the same sad SAMENESS of the everyday. Maybe you're right there with me when I say it feels like I will never accomplish everything I am supposed to each day! </div><div><br></div><div>It <i>can</i> seem monotonous. <b><i>But it is just a piece of the beautiful life puzzle that we are each given. All the pieces matter and they are all necessary. </i></b></div><div><br></div><div>This is NOT meant to be a guilt trip. Yes, you should try to find the beauty in each day and God has made each one so it does have beauty. But sometimes, we just stink. And so our day seems to stink. Or week or year or what have you. </div><div><br></div><div><i>HOWEVER, the day matters wether you did "well" or not. It matters <b>simply because you survived.</b> I am not here on a soapbox telling you to make the best of today because it matters. That is backwards to what I'm thinking here. I am here telling you that because today matters you have purpose. Your life holds meaning, even in the minutiae. </i></div><div><br></div><div>So because today is not pointless, tomorrow isn't either. And today and tomorrow and a thousand more tomorrow's will roll into each other and build into a towering mountain of beauty that is life. When we get to the end, we will be able to see it. <b><i>I just think that knowing it now, even though we can't see it, might help us to enjoy the ride. </i></b></div></div><div><b><i><br></i></b></div><div><div class="separator" style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMj6JeCS5HK7EVneZQb1XQz891ZGhCS7WuWCLzV68gR3JoqburV6D-frxyb4mPIDblGW6PQAMMcAaCQg0ltDW8VFj6xEg8531G1IwBFCtKLDIbBHyjXTH-HytUR84splolMQPpnGa43qOv/s640/blogger-image--1305185816.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMj6JeCS5HK7EVneZQb1XQz891ZGhCS7WuWCLzV68gR3JoqburV6D-frxyb4mPIDblGW6PQAMMcAaCQg0ltDW8VFj6xEg8531G1IwBFCtKLDIbBHyjXTH-HytUR84splolMQPpnGa43qOv/s640/blogger-image--1305185816.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Some days you end up at a magical park...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1b-4rFhcEL4zs88jt5_zcG-AZqDYFgJSpliQ6bW6jcQX2JTjgewG7OBRo7MvFQEg5KhpXll2RX-Zb2EehrBgPZoFKobzRb4zHdu01n8yt4RYlRDK6iC7G805XmPggcwPHR7OAJlExPTqm/s640/blogger-image-17228431.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1b-4rFhcEL4zs88jt5_zcG-AZqDYFgJSpliQ6bW6jcQX2JTjgewG7OBRo7MvFQEg5KhpXll2RX-Zb2EehrBgPZoFKobzRb4zHdu01n8yt4RYlRDK6iC7G805XmPggcwPHR7OAJlExPTqm/s640/blogger-image-17228431.jpg"></a></div><br></div>...and some days you don't get out of your jammies. They all matter. You have value. You have purpose. Enjoy as many of them as you can and in the ones you find you can't seem to enjoy, KNOW that they will lead you into the days you can't help but rejoice in. </div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-51703149537617746352015-08-06T10:11:00.001-07:002015-08-06T10:18:43.588-07:00Chasing After JoyI've been thinking a lot about life these days. Like, mine specifically. What is the point, ya know. Like the age old question. Now don't get me wrong, I know that ultimately my purpose is to bring joy to the heart of my Father in heaven and to walk closer and closer to Him every day until the beautiful day that He calls me home to see His amazing face in true paradise. Also, I know that my main purpose is to love and encourage my hubs as he battles to provide for us spiritually and physically and make our home one that he wants to come home to, that feels like a refuge from the harsh world around us. And I have purpose as a mommy to my wonderful beautiful babies, to love and train and enjoy them. And truly that is more than enough. So that's the place I keep coming back to. My purpose is beautiful. <div><br></div><div><b>But I also know that each season in our lives comes along with its own set of purpose</b>. There was a season where my life was consumed by love for the high school girls of Calvary Vista. My heart ached with and for them. My heart soared with joy at their triumphs and victories. It was beautiful. There was a season where my heart felt so deeply the many needs of the people in Paris. Those sweet girls in the college group that filled my life with joy. The amazing women that I grew alongside of in mommy groups or women's ministry. The sweet season in Colorado had it's own unique purpose, a lot of which was ministering to those on the outskirts, the cast offs. It was also beautiful. </div><div><br></div><div><b>So what about now?</b> </div><div><br></div><div>I keep asking Jesus, what about now. And He has been speaking to me such a sweet, seemingly never ending answer: joy. </div><div><br></div><div><i>My purpose in this season is to learn to enjoy all of His beauty</i>. Will there be battles coming soon? Yes. I absolutely believe there is rapidly coming a season of battle (and triumph too). Will there be more trials? Of course, even though I feel like I've had enough for a while. I can feel all of the reality of what it means to walk through this beautiful dance of a life as a daughter of my King Jesus, the good and the awful. But it just feels sort of out of focus. I know that will all be there, and soon, but for now I feel like Jesus just wants me to learn how to bask in the beauty of all that He is. I'm not sure I'm making sense, but the image that I have in my heart everytime I pray about it is one of <i>a small child chasing after the bubbles blown by her father into the wind. </i></div><div><br></div><div>How many of us have at least watched this, if not been the one to blow the bubbles? I cannot count the hours that I spent over my kid's lives blowing bubble after bubble and watching them run after each one, chasing them as far as they could until the bubble popped or was too high out of reach even after their valiant attempts at jumping. </div><div><br></div><div>And when the bubbles were gone, they were ready to chase more. <b>Why??? </b> <b>Did they get something from the bubble? Was there anything tangible in the bubble as they touched the rainbow surface?</b> </div><div><b><i><br></i></b></div><div><b><i>Or was it just the joy of running, hopping, chasing after the beauty orb dancing on the wind?</i></b></div><div><br></div><div><b>The purpose was simply just to chase after and touch the joy and then chase some more. </b></div><div><br></div><div>And THAT is what I feel like this season is for. This is my season to learn how to chase after the beauty bubbles and feel the breeze lift my hair as I float along on His grace. And there is no "purpose" to the bubbles. The purpose is just to enjoy the dance, the chase. </div><div><br></div><div>And the purpose is to learn to not sit and wait for the perfect bubble to form before going after it. </div><div><br></div><div>Abigail and I have been talking about this thought image as it's been forming in my brain the last couple of weeks and we decided that <b>we spend way too much time waiting for the right bubble to come along to join in the chase after beauty</b>. What if that small child in my image in my mind waited for a certain sized bubble? A certain direction for the bubble to float? How silly would that look???</div><div><br></div><div>No. The child just chases after what she can grab and giggles and loves the life that she has experienced as she skipped along. </div><div><br></div><div><b>So Abigail and I have decided that we want to chase after ALL of the bubbles in life. </b></div><div><br></div><div>There is a bubble blessing to catch at the beach as we watch the ocean swell with a wave and crash with power onto the shore. There is a blessing bubble to catch when we swing with a friend on the playground or drink coffee with someone we love. </div><div><br></div><div>But there are also blessing bubbles as we fold laundry <i>if we will chase after it</i>. </div><div><br></div><div>The "chasing" after this elusive bubble is the perspective, the remembering. We can remember that we have a family to fold clothes for, that this t shirt will cover the torso of the man that loves us and works so hard and still comes home and takes us to the beach or the pool or plays cards with us over dinner. There is a blessing bubble in cleaning the bathroom or grocery shopping or anything we are doing because it is in those everyday moments that we can get to know each other better, hear each other's hearts about the "little stuff." Or it's a bubble because it is a chance to pray. Isn't prayer a beautiful enough bubble to chase after, even if we are praying because we are cleaning a toilet and have nothing better to think about.<b><i> We just might have to chase harder to catch those. But they are there. Waiting for us to catch. </i></b></div><div><b><i><br></i></b></div><div>I've been called out by Jesus to join in the blessing bubble chase and learn how to really experience His joy. Abigail has decided to join me in the chase after this beauty. </div><div><br></div><div>Will you join me, too? </div><div><br></div><div>Will you, too, commit to making the choice to chase after every blessing bubble that our Father chooses to blow into the wind of our lives? To find the beauty and enjoy the simple purpose of running after His joy? Not because we have to run to find it, but because <i>the joy is often found in the chase, in exercising atrophied legs, in burning lungs that have been aching to breathe deeply of the air instead of sleepily, lazily watching the bubbles to float by</i>. I have to say, I am enjoying the laughter and the splendor of the pursuit of each bubble He sends my way. Even the bubble of surgeries. Even the bubble of moving away from people I love. Even the difficult bubbles. They have beauty. <b><i>And it is so satisfying to my soul in the deepest places to know that every bubble my Father breathes into the wind is worth chasing. Come join the chase with me. </i></b></div><div><b><i><br></i></b></div><div><b><i><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_1MkTcMYSdfDEVBlNEVIOlWzJ1BqHRZbJsVv8UrfOx-WgKGXxnSmIZawo81FmFRCEN8gQ2NqCw2bUR7Joc8fvIO4Cuiqjtp_t9h3bg-QqWx4ZO1Gwm1dFZXTNXykLTafHgA28AKexz4P4/s640/blogger-image-113462253.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_1MkTcMYSdfDEVBlNEVIOlWzJ1BqHRZbJsVv8UrfOx-WgKGXxnSmIZawo81FmFRCEN8gQ2NqCw2bUR7Joc8fvIO4Cuiqjtp_t9h3bg-QqWx4ZO1Gwm1dFZXTNXykLTafHgA28AKexz4P4/s640/blogger-image-113462253.jpg"></a></div><br></i></b></div><div><b><i><br></i></b></div><div>Ps it was so sweet last weekend, as these thoughts have been rolling around in my mind, to blow bubbles for the kids at the birthday party I was at. Such a confirming picture of all of my muddled hazy thoughts. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKhCjB2CJx3XowGqp5i3Fjr9myb2mrCMnUVOUfsqSbTCMDTVHY0DG1uIAtRcedkwG0TFFLoiAVzlHBDPaQYFDYe2VbF5Gnamdm9c5__4OO9DOAiCAvAH7Q1uBRwWoUopwZFAXFxH9eef8P/s640/blogger-image--1420779326.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKhCjB2CJx3XowGqp5i3Fjr9myb2mrCMnUVOUfsqSbTCMDTVHY0DG1uIAtRcedkwG0TFFLoiAVzlHBDPaQYFDYe2VbF5Gnamdm9c5__4OO9DOAiCAvAH7Q1uBRwWoUopwZFAXFxH9eef8P/s640/blogger-image--1420779326.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHocoRe4IOI7VjTvfS5M6xhurVsDyJZSuxpBCAbu95ScFB7MnxEYerjsEEKSIgm4JjcaJv345Lu5tXmtoRZkP3XGPLcpS9YdlOFYuAEIWV8-Q40ehlph0AL_pSHrwrTHBFwTMUSsQhY1ZH/s640/blogger-image--1174794204.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHocoRe4IOI7VjTvfS5M6xhurVsDyJZSuxpBCAbu95ScFB7MnxEYerjsEEKSIgm4JjcaJv345Lu5tXmtoRZkP3XGPLcpS9YdlOFYuAEIWV8-Q40ehlph0AL_pSHrwrTHBFwTMUSsQhY1ZH/s640/blogger-image--1174794204.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikc4OZ49ES3Qw4d__xc2HmIaZvCouiJ1VA6Xo7qLcpRUCARUdT2zDQMjMySo7YnjADzM9LdXx0W0Ina6KZV7NaXJ3Yplq9jej_JQRMWj6tgK3gJ3aMBMekC2zoJBzGpbPn-sDLdcVWqFq-/s640/blogger-image--937322482.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikc4OZ49ES3Qw4d__xc2HmIaZvCouiJ1VA6Xo7qLcpRUCARUdT2zDQMjMySo7YnjADzM9LdXx0W0Ina6KZV7NaXJ3Yplq9jej_JQRMWj6tgK3gJ3aMBMekC2zoJBzGpbPn-sDLdcVWqFq-/s640/blogger-image--937322482.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-1hmZ27hVYhXuOeUIWYoLQesZXwL1LNEv4rBRvslejfvQfwGdrk7dOvnwBxHms-tF1rdoOlsXARFvjBd1KUYqEiQYVgSEjcgwfZDlBVt4OqaWltRAPyIU-Y6AJ3N72gqjEvtQj7tbWsxG/s640/blogger-image-923918311.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-1hmZ27hVYhXuOeUIWYoLQesZXwL1LNEv4rBRvslejfvQfwGdrk7dOvnwBxHms-tF1rdoOlsXARFvjBd1KUYqEiQYVgSEjcgwfZDlBVt4OqaWltRAPyIU-Y6AJ3N72gqjEvtQj7tbWsxG/s640/blogger-image-923918311.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-37472399883152626022015-07-25T09:08:00.000-07:002015-07-27T07:07:58.982-07:00My Soul is Being Stirred<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGzvC0ejcI3UDhWrHGoxIPaiEJeeBxdSUuJO4zJX93LZktdf9GNxccqm7SV1RYD3_15p8zEAq0EY6A55czNn8y_Fap0g9QoKcPch6xxBq9CfGirjW27SKuiMBSfp7jWzA3z-hQcnxfGqfN/s640/blogger-image-1165989460.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGzvC0ejcI3UDhWrHGoxIPaiEJeeBxdSUuJO4zJX93LZktdf9GNxccqm7SV1RYD3_15p8zEAq0EY6A55czNn8y_Fap0g9QoKcPch6xxBq9CfGirjW27SKuiMBSfp7jWzA3z-hQcnxfGqfN/s640/blogger-image-1165989460.jpg"></a></div><br>
<span id="goog_1149625216"></span><span id="goog_1149625217"></span><br>
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I'm sitting here at the edge of a steep hill in my new home in California feeling the ocean breeze cool my skin as I peek at its source far down the hill and over the expanse in front of me. <div><br></div><div>It is beautiful. </div><div><br></div><div>And very poetically appropriate. </div><div><br></div><div>I feel like I'm sitting here at the edge of a precipice, looking into what is coming. Like the beginning of C S Lewis' Silver Chair, when Jill Pole is overlooking the expanse before she begins the adventure that will change her life. </div><div><br></div><div>I can feel the gentle breeze of the Spirit, moving and swaying the trees around me, cooling my tense nerves and prompting me to just take in the beauty that is laid out before me. </div><div><br></div><div>Like a wedding gown spread out across the bridal chamber the morning the bride wakes up to take her vows, I feel all of this expanse of beauty and peace laid out before me. </div><div><br></div><div>Just waiting for me to take it in and dress myself in it. </div><div><br></div><div>But not yet. </div><div><br></div><div>I feel the need to move slowly. To take in the beauty so that in the chaos of the journey I can remember these moments. Remember the beauty that I am immersed in. The beauty that I can see from high atop my hill of peace. </div><div><br></div><div>I'm anxious to start out now. Anxious to begin the journey. </div><div><br></div><div>But I will wait. </div><div><br></div><div>Wait until the Spirit says it is time to arise and join the dance of the swaying branches surrounding me. As they move with the wind in a beautiful dance of chaos mixed with perfect order, I am drawn to join in. But I will wait. I will wait and I will watch and store the beauty in my heart like a picture book of Gods promises. I will wait and let my heart sing and twirl with the rhythm that I can feel stirring inside of my soul. <br>
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As Im sitting here, there's a sort of theme song in my head by Rend. <br>
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<a href="https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yhH8vVxc16Y">https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yhH8vVxc16Y</a><br>
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And it fits just how I am feeling.<br>
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<br></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-90247037195129189382015-02-16T06:50:00.001-08:002015-02-16T06:50:48.916-08:00Till the day it was taken up<br><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTjsfleL9e3A1_JlM0XkdVBzgCMTqKJW0_9u1aR8yrrs0PZRPBtpioym8qnVj_92TkJuuiei0jEY1IZu3O7MQ3tyM1ZA-tyvHdnInO7PND4M5jtBVdWDqIy8fCUBiyjSyLCkO5W68GsRkQ/s640/blogger-image--967399798.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTjsfleL9e3A1_JlM0XkdVBzgCMTqKJW0_9u1aR8yrrs0PZRPBtpioym8qnVj_92TkJuuiei0jEY1IZu3O7MQ3tyM1ZA-tyvHdnInO7PND4M5jtBVdWDqIy8fCUBiyjSyLCkO5W68GsRkQ/s640/blogger-image--967399798.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>I woke up this morning to a few fresh inches of snow, and it's still falling. As I sit from my perch in my second story window reading my Bible and praying and watching the world that is my neighborhood wake up, my eyes are greeted with a fresh blanket of snow covering the dry brown earth underneath it. It is beautiful. It's also just plain NUTTY. Saturdays high temp was in the SEVENTIES. We're talking warm. Like, sun's out, guns out, aka tank top weather. Then yesterday morning a cold front moved in and in began to snow. <div><br></div><div>Things change quickly in Denver. </div><div><br></div><div>And not just the weather. </div><div><br></div><div>I've been trying to find a way to write this out for over a month and I just haven't been able to, so I guess I will just plunge in and then try to make sense of it all. </div><div><br></div><div>The Road Church will have its last Sunday service this coming Sunday. </div><div><br></div><div>Whew. There. I got it out. Man that was HARD. So here's the deal. I will try to explain it the best I know how. Our original vision for coming here was from Luke 24 where the disciples were walking away from Jerusalem dejected that Jesus had died. Probably disillusioned. Maybe frustrated. Definitely DONE. And Jesus MET THEM ON THE ROAD (hence the name of our church). He met them where they were at when they weren't even looking for Him, because He was looking for them. And He explained Himself through the Scriptures. So that was our heart in coming here. Come alongside people and tell them that Jesus is already walking with them, wanting them to understand His love and his character and nature in a real and full sense. And I believe that we have tried our best to be obedient to that command. Are we without sin? Uh, NO. Are we without mistakes. Double no. Have we perfectly fulfilled the purposes of God in this place in this season? Nope. But we HAVE leaned hard into Him, loved Him, and desperately, achingly, wholly loved His people here. We have seen people get saved, people go from a struggling relationship with Jesus to a vibrant one filled with purpose and hope. I've watched seven year olds get excited about reading their Bible every night at their own house. I've watched Seth become a little evangelist. Straight up. The kid is bold and it's awesome cause he is doing it in love and kids are getting saved! I've watched Abigail grow into such a young lady of encouragement. When the kids in our neighborhood got saved, she continued to check in with them to ask what they're reading in the word and how they're doing. And it's so natural and sweet to watch. I dont have enough time or enough emotional energy to write out all of the beautiful things we have seen God do here, but it has been sweet and amazing. For those of you supporting us in prayer or otherwise, please know that it was not in vain and that Jesus has moved mightily. </div><div><br></div><div>But a few months ago, we felt a shift. We just felt a stirring to LISTEN to Him, that He had something to tell us and that we needed to be open and vulnerable to just listen. So we began to listen and pray and fast and cry as we realized that Jesus was telling us that our season at the Road Church would not be forever. Last fall, both Christian and I felt God speak to us through a bible study on Elisha that we were to stay put and continue to love on and pour into and enjoy our sweet congregation, but that the flow of the Spirit would be shifting and that He wanted us to do something different. </div><div><br></div><div>We sat on that for a while because we didn't know the timeline. Hey, for all we knew, it could be years from now. But Jesus is sweet and didn't let us stay sitting on it for long. In January, we tried to start up a men's and women's bible study and a few new things and the Spirit just plain said "NO." We were startled and began to fast and pray again and He spoke so clearly. This is done. I am moving into a beautiful new thing. Will you go with me?</div><div><br></div><div>As we prayed, we knew that Jesus would take care of the details so we announced to the church mid January that we would finish the book of 1 Peter and that our last service would be February 22nd. As a group, we talked about helping them to get plugged in somewhere else where they would get good teaching and good fellowship. As leaders, the Bedfords and the Phillips and of course we have tried out different area churches. Because as I prayed over what would happen to these sweet people that we have fellowshipped with these past two and a half years, the Lord gave me a vision of seedlings in a window box. And I just saw that they were healthy and happy there, but it was time to be planted in a larger garden where they could thrive. Jesus is sweet to give us reassurances that we are not just hurting them. I think that is probably my biggest fear in all of this, is to hurt someone. But we have to do what Jesus says to do! So we are. </div><div><br></div><div>Are there issues of sin that are behind the closing of the doors? NO. Double and triple, NO. No one has done anything to disqualify themselves from serving. I just wanted that to be out there so no one wonders. I mean, yeah, we sin and mess up but not the kind that gets you booted out of serving. Just the kind that drops us to our knees in repentance and dependence on the Spirit. </div><div><br></div><div>Are there practical reasons why we are shutting the doors? Yes. But those reasons aren't too big for God to work out. He could have intervened if He wanted to. We are shutting the doors simply because He said to. It wasn't a decision we made, but a command that we are obeying. </div><div><br></div><div>So please pray for us. That these wonderful people who have become like family to us would find a home church and really dive in and belong and grow and flourish. We just desperately want to see them flourish. Please pray that WE would flourish. You see, we don't feel like Jesus is done with the mission He gave us. We aren't done with ministry. We believe that we were called here to live life alongside people, to love them, to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and MOSTLY to pray our guts out for the people and for the city. Although Christian deeply loves to teach the word of God, we both realize that he doesn't have to be behind a pulpit every Sunday to be fully immersed in the mission Jesus sent us to do. We truly believe what we have been telling people for years: the most ministry happens outside of the church walls. The church is there to equip the saints for the work of the ministry. The ministry happens at work, in line at Sprouts, in the doctors waiting room, at the rec center after school. And prayer is so vital! And that takes no public platform. Really, the ministry we came to do will be the same. Just a different channel. </div><div><br></div><div>Yesterday, as I was reading the One Year, I came across Exodus 40:34-37</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6M9_Z_Mgaq5YB8ubthSjz-bwq4izykQlEfEFSt02PgN9g_23kezcXUHejwzkfLSAIOJ3WjQUOOXZtQeFVYpHocgOTQR65V0qLo9mfKnnxVwL4x6wuwrUQDGWl4xGtEZF8NuEhEHAC82HV/s640/blogger-image-235096485.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6M9_Z_Mgaq5YB8ubthSjz-bwq4izykQlEfEFSt02PgN9g_23kezcXUHejwzkfLSAIOJ3WjQUOOXZtQeFVYpHocgOTQR65V0qLo9mfKnnxVwL4x6wuwrUQDGWl4xGtEZF8NuEhEHAC82HV/s640/blogger-image-235096485.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>So that's kinda where I'm at. I want the glory of God to so fill our lives and ministry! I want to be overshadowed and just have our lives so full of Him! But, like the children of Israel, we have to follow where the Spirit says to go. If the cloud rested, they stayed put. If it moved, they moved. </div><div><br></div><div>WHENEVER the cloud was taken up, the would GO. </div><div><br></div><div>But if the cloud was not taken up, they didn't journey. They didn't move TILL THE DAY IT WAS TAKEN UP.</div><div><br></div><div>We have been waiting on Him. Seeking Him. He said to sit still. We did. Now he says to move. We are. Well, were not MOVING as in moving our physical location. We will still be in Denver in our cute little townhouse. I mean, unless Jesus says something later. We will have to wait and see. But for now we know that this is the season where He has taken up the cloud and said to journey into the next thing. </div><div><br></div><div>And it just made me think as I was praying that someone reading this might need to hear this. It's important to be flexible and sensitive to the Spirit. It may not make sense to everyone around you, but if Jesus says to do it and it's in line with scripture and you prayed and fasted and sought counsel, well, step out my friend. Don't sit by as the Spirit moves into something new. <b><i>Yes, it's petrifying, but isn't missing out on the move of the Spirit even more frightening??? I just feel like Jesus wants to remind us all the He sits in charge of the world so we can trust and obey and it truly will be good in the end. </i></b></div><div><br></div><div>I have no idea what the future holds for us. Honestly, my health is kinda tanking. I have some things going on that my neurosurgeon says isn't from the surgeries and so I have an appointment in two weeks to figure some of that out. But all of that to say, I'm not doing fabulous. I have moments when I can get up and do something, but each decision is calculated, knowing that a half hour at the park with the kids means at least two hours of pain lying down afterward. I can make it to church now, but I pay for it for hours later. It's been difficult to be honest. Is Jesus still being good to me? Uh ABSOLUTELY. I am so cradled in his is arms and we as a family are seeing Him in a new and more beautiful way than ever before. We have found our new church home at Mile High Calvary and the pastor there said yesterday "sometimes you have to fall down to be able to look UP" and that is exactly where I am at. I am brought low, but it's a good low if that makes any sense. </div><div><br></div><div>So that's where we are at. We have no clue, really. But we will stay where we are in Northglenn until the day Jesus says to do differently. Christian will continue to give his full energy to work. I will keep homeschooling and praying and trying to keep my gaze fixed on Jesus. We are just chasing His beauty through this wilderness and loving that He calls and guides and LOVES. He is just so beautiful. </div></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-58945666070576897462015-01-02T07:58:00.001-08:002015-01-02T07:58:58.005-08:00A Lesson from my Little<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hello out there! I am so sorry that I have been sparse in checking in, but things have been a little nutty around here and I just haven't had the mental energy to try to put to words everything that the Lord is doing. But I am going to try today in spite of my fuzzy brain, so here goes. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">As far as everyday life goes, we are doing well. We took a three week break from school because of friends coming in to visit and it was so nice to have that flexibility! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHK4A_wDPUHvYjI8ARHkcjNKrYrnUhf_ROk4fr467bzGfhV68353bqoWF8U-TXIX4OVYiMLrZaplL6FlVInMLvsovdnkdXnROMIbZh1XJL-Kod45W3GT4id3AvHLJogbvvyxC8ysXYuFvQ/s640/blogger-image-636708491.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHK4A_wDPUHvYjI8ARHkcjNKrYrnUhf_ROk4fr467bzGfhV68353bqoWF8U-TXIX4OVYiMLrZaplL6FlVInMLvsovdnkdXnROMIbZh1XJL-Kod45W3GT4id3AvHLJogbvvyxC8ysXYuFvQ/s640/blogger-image-636708491.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">( this was literally moments before it began to snow. And it's been snowing for a week off and on!)</div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh37R13js_pkniEQEGXw4q0gKGMxbkQjElqmrTlvkI3UFB_Y-RY7UTcUwQiaXL2LNQAGNNNaptCKny0fyw0IX_a1z3m8swMfnQfClv-GDnwjrPGvxexcJrTQOpyVOVD4yehStqMJvotx29D/s640/blogger-image-1345340027.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh37R13js_pkniEQEGXw4q0gKGMxbkQjElqmrTlvkI3UFB_Y-RY7UTcUwQiaXL2LNQAGNNNaptCKny0fyw0IX_a1z3m8swMfnQfClv-GDnwjrPGvxexcJrTQOpyVOVD4yehStqMJvotx29D/s640/blogger-image-1345340027.jpg"></a></div><br></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNe_E1uzn2uZWX02x3ACfuSoHjpakBDAJ_9JpbRkX_SK_EjYWnZ-PE0bpGyuLzE2JYDPwTshtez9sUJvfso6tyh5LyezW4i1lDYHy28vXivdzEp7hdaNY-vzX91TSU0VoOrIs2pxrUQda2/s640/blogger-image--473491054.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNe_E1uzn2uZWX02x3ACfuSoHjpakBDAJ_9JpbRkX_SK_EjYWnZ-PE0bpGyuLzE2JYDPwTshtez9sUJvfso6tyh5LyezW4i1lDYHy28vXivdzEp7hdaNY-vzX91TSU0VoOrIs2pxrUQda2/s640/blogger-image--473491054.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYC8XekByg0HQ5om2UV6F6E91u9ZmA-2RFFzOjS8UHQdjK9efqqi4edHb2_bVZSYgmTZQ_DM96NGEXrOCV3oj0C_DMwpyVOCDfAoySz5DQiN9PslDGlglJosPDOkZWhEPlPuNTUj1_2H0b/s640/blogger-image--2040325415.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYC8XekByg0HQ5om2UV6F6E91u9ZmA-2RFFzOjS8UHQdjK9efqqi4edHb2_bVZSYgmTZQ_DM96NGEXrOCV3oj0C_DMwpyVOCDfAoySz5DQiN9PslDGlglJosPDOkZWhEPlPuNTUj1_2H0b/s640/blogger-image--2040325415.jpg"></a></div><br></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">We had sweet fellowship with our friends, a fun mellow Christmas, and then we all got sick. Like really very extra sick. In fact, Abigail got such a bad ear infection that her ear drum ruptured. That was a new one for me. I've never had to watch blood oozing out of my child's ear before but really it isn't <i>that</i> big of a deal. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhO0Kiq1g_tMLEOeu8ZAC9eLP2UKSbkgR6l0Wsb1afwKePAqkb8xdof6e-N-zVUdB68YfT5wLy5yl05nimQlathWNDb-uE6ZKaH0wgjmPfKmdzE5b1_vAhFz4UPaQmWLTdgw_wp2mRQkg/s640/blogger-image-2015664340.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhO0Kiq1g_tMLEOeu8ZAC9eLP2UKSbkgR6l0Wsb1afwKePAqkb8xdof6e-N-zVUdB68YfT5wLy5yl05nimQlathWNDb-uE6ZKaH0wgjmPfKmdzE5b1_vAhFz4UPaQmWLTdgw_wp2mRQkg/s640/blogger-image-2015664340.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Christian was up in the mountains taking this picture and snowshoeing (new favorite-est thing ever) so Jesus helped me clear the four inches of snow and ice off of my car and we got her all taken care of at the doctors. She still can't hear us out of that ear but her fever is gone and she's feeling better enough to enjoy all of her Christmas gifts. (P.s. How awesome is this amazing score from Jesus?! I found this American girl sized camper that sells for $70 for $16.99 at the thrift store!!! Brand new and unopened! One smallish crack on the back that Christian fixed with super glue and ta-da! Awesome gift!)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXAdy1Dp-1B_9sH7Amq7NdNSzWW5E3Ph349qv7qPeu8JRV1v8w-QfvG4dbi7S8AyBxTRl_K8HYzCwoKZci4lZushrMDbMcuGo93rllBTm9d1O33sVSYLm066-GTykS3ZT8a_LW3Dxbo-6o/s640/blogger-image-763616405.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXAdy1Dp-1B_9sH7Amq7NdNSzWW5E3Ph349qv7qPeu8JRV1v8w-QfvG4dbi7S8AyBxTRl_K8HYzCwoKZci4lZushrMDbMcuGo93rllBTm9d1O33sVSYLm066-GTykS3ZT8a_LW3Dxbo-6o/s640/blogger-image-763616405.jpg"></a></div><br></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Seth is doing awesome and kinda climbing the walls from cabin fever because we've been sick for so long. Yesterday I took him out in the snow for half an hour and he literally just rolled around in it. Haha poor kid!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglRHMixorwJSHmqymW3GofjBgt-Keny9vWXkqwueJZP1lPm1ZTRs6g1zCQwx17D7uz_w6To9zCuspYIpHIIYj8xH3HhErDIOn6CdTYmISnq5RsZ5u5Pm117yVEsqxnUYw0Zqqyoh3M-72g/s640/blogger-image-1685521777.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglRHMixorwJSHmqymW3GofjBgt-Keny9vWXkqwueJZP1lPm1ZTRs6g1zCQwx17D7uz_w6To9zCuspYIpHIIYj8xH3HhErDIOn6CdTYmISnq5RsZ5u5Pm117yVEsqxnUYw0Zqqyoh3M-72g/s640/blogger-image-1685521777.jpg"></a></div><br></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Spiritually, well, yeah I am still just getting wrecked. Every day it feel like I see more of my yuck. But I am also being blown away by His grace every single day and that's been amazing. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b><i>I am so thankful for the prayer that an amazing lady prayed over me as a new believer! She prayed that I would LOVE to read the word of God, that I would have a hunger for it. </i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Wow, what a prayer to pray over someone! Because through my walk with Jesus, through all of the ups and downs, His word has been my anchor. It has kept me grounded in Him and I know I would not know Him as sweetly without that time with Him. That's one of huge things I love about the one Year Bible. I know it's not for everyone and I'm not guilt tripping anyone, but <b>I love that it takes me by the hand and leads me through every nook and cranny of the word.</b> By the end of it, not one part has been over looked. I just love that! It doesn't matter really how you use it. My daughter is reading the New Testament and the psalms portion this year and plans to next year read the Old Testament and the proverbs. So it will take her two years instead of one. Some people just read and pay no attention to the dates. That's cool too. And last year, Christian jumped off the bible bus and read chronologically. Whatever you do, just read the Bible! For reals. Two minutes a day, two verses a day, just be in it. Your hunger for it will grow. There are days when I feel too tired to get up or I sleep in and it would be so much easier to skip it. But there's this sad place in me that knows IM GOING TO MISS SOMETHING. It's not a guilt trip! But have you ever had the choice to stay home and sleepily lay on the couch or pack up and spend some face time with the one you love on a beach listening to the sound of the waves and the declarations of love from your adorer? Who really picks lazily sitting on the couch? Not me! I love me some declarations of love! And I'm not about to miss out on that, ya know? Like really is that extra half an hour in bed going to charge up my batteries for the day and make me more productive and joyful? Uh yeah, from experience, I can say NOPE. But half an hour sitting with Jesus, reading His word, pausing to pray it in, praying for the people in my life, praying for the day and season ahead, yeah THATS what gets me going for the day. Better than any cup of coffee! Although a hot cup of coffee when it is -8 outside is helpful for my brain, not gonna lie. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Well, I truly began this post without any mind to exhort anyone to read their bible this coming year, but I guess I've landed there anyway. So yeah read your bible and pray every single day haha. <b>No really, do it. No guilt for the days missed, but beg for a hunger for it that will be satisfied no where else</b>. I'm praying that we will both have a hunger for reading the word of God this new year!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">This year I am reading the One Year Bible again just because it works for me and I love it. There was so much good stuff today!!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Genesis 4:6 was convicting! Examine why you're angry if you are and really break it down!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Matthew 2:14, 17, 23 was a wake up call for me. What if the things happening in my life, even the hard things, are happening so that Gods beautiful word can be fulfilled? Can I stop fighting against that and just TRUST?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Matthew 3:3 oh my! What is MY life crying out? Can anyone hear me? Do I cry out my woes and only whisper my praise?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijeNXsd8L-kDW08y2fdtsnNeKvMbkzsvkirvBSIQVyiLUKLPqyu_dm0-B291aH_Zc-HB_AQ7UdPf9CtHutx8Muiy3UvM62MIR9ZkRu13_yQdQJLR-DLoh6aVxLFmPuVBMWW1YqtaAWpcP0/s640/blogger-image--2016661254.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijeNXsd8L-kDW08y2fdtsnNeKvMbkzsvkirvBSIQVyiLUKLPqyu_dm0-B291aH_Zc-HB_AQ7UdPf9CtHutx8Muiy3UvM62MIR9ZkRu13_yQdQJLR-DLoh6aVxLFmPuVBMWW1YqtaAWpcP0/s640/blogger-image--2016661254.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">But this morning I was mostly struck by genesis 4:16. You see, everytime I come across this story, I am reminded that God can speak His truths to anyone. When Abigail was just two years old, almost three, we were reading the Bible together. I was reading a chunk and then we would talk about it and pray. It was sweet. I decided to start at the very beginning, cause that a good place to start (and now that I have strung that sentence together, I have a song in my head...Sound of Music anyone?) and we were making our way through the story of creation and then came chapter four. Lots of hard things to discuss with a two year old! So I came to this section and paused. Murder. Should I really discuss murder with my two year old? I prayed and felt the nudge to continue so I did. I read through and her face was priceless. She was hanging on every word and when I finished with verse 16, I closed the book and looked at her. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And she broke into tears and hid her face on the floor and cried. Like giant huge wailing. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I was thinking, great, well that really went well...why did I think she wouldn't be upset about murder again? So I set aside the bible and said, honey, why are you crying, expecting to hear her say cause that guy killed that guy. Cause that would upset ME. But no.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">She looked up at me with tears still streaming down her face and haltingly said</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">"He....left...God!"</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">It turns out that she was so upset at the thought of someone purposefully leaving the presence of God. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I sat there stunned. I had never thought about that before when I had read that. Yes, of course it's sad that someone leaves the presence of God, but CAIN. Yeah, I had never looked that closely before. He killed his brother and took off. That had always been the end of the story for me. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b>So we sat there, my two year old and I, grieving for those that choose to walk away from the Lord instead of repent. </b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And I learned not only more depth to a story I had thought I understood, but also that Jesus can use ANYone to speak truth. Jesus especially loves to speak truth to the littles, so I decided then and there to listen more to them. Sometimes, I still forget. But He is sweet to remind me. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b>So in the middle of this terrible story of mans fall into sin and the effects it has had on all of mankind, there is this beautiful reminder <i>to me</i> to grieve over those who choose to walk away. And to listen for His truth from even the least of these. God values the littles! They are in fact some of His favorite people. </b></div></div></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4ytiFu1veiE1TMfn903PmYLgPMVzA9hn9I8T6r-CsWOLCFTu2f_afrOpKUhWFt965-E0E75WCV0UP_e5j2rlAzQqWwkGYHB4yt7yM92t73fnR4E1R_bPv5ST7UN9qxxo6lXKzLm4OfpoV/s640/blogger-image--1748276901.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4ytiFu1veiE1TMfn903PmYLgPMVzA9hn9I8T6r-CsWOLCFTu2f_afrOpKUhWFt965-E0E75WCV0UP_e5j2rlAzQqWwkGYHB4yt7yM92t73fnR4E1R_bPv5ST7UN9qxxo6lXKzLm4OfpoV/s640/blogger-image--1748276901.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from chilly Colorado!</div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-50288632509715505152014-11-16T12:36:00.001-08:002014-11-16T12:36:51.092-08:00Self-life Eviction: Easier Said Than Done<div>Hello from Colorado! Fall has melted into winter more quickly than I had anticipated, but it's been beautiful. We drove up to Rocky Mountain National Park for Christians birthday and just enjoyed a peaceful gorgeous picnic on Bear Lake. It was a blast, and thankfully the lake did not live up to its name. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg7MZqK5Lx61DtuVTbDeU9F2xaJnTDWLN0gX-TX46fbsapvVfetC3MXOMK1XvcSgRJ_OVUAv_qc5vk8NQoMHPFqsfE2vqafT23nEmICpoZXmL9WS_Hdq40GPKmRURwEJ4l01OLob7-Zi0b/s640/blogger-image--1693992982.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg7MZqK5Lx61DtuVTbDeU9F2xaJnTDWLN0gX-TX46fbsapvVfetC3MXOMK1XvcSgRJ_OVUAv_qc5vk8NQoMHPFqsfE2vqafT23nEmICpoZXmL9WS_Hdq40GPKmRURwEJ4l01OLob7-Zi0b/s640/blogger-image--1693992982.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyGsGyJk2O-vV2uLsrJOTyDIcLrTSezY9DkCVTwQTepltcZ5zZEfdJx-UM06eax0FfkYnpSMfbBj0oGKRhN25JJJ6pMv69YvZ6Otp2LHtofuDMgBT3RDyFo5gExrUyYI28nGTtd685JbZm/s640/blogger-image-2080379391.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyGsGyJk2O-vV2uLsrJOTyDIcLrTSezY9DkCVTwQTepltcZ5zZEfdJx-UM06eax0FfkYnpSMfbBj0oGKRhN25JJJ6pMv69YvZ6Otp2LHtofuDMgBT3RDyFo5gExrUyYI28nGTtd685JbZm/s640/blogger-image-2080379391.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Family life is great but spiritually, well, here is just a peek into the ways that Jesus is kicking my butt these days.</div><div><br></div><div>Psalm 106:9 says</div><div>"So He led them through the depths, as through the wilderness.."</div><div><br></div><div>That could sort of be my life verse this last year. There's been a little bit of drama, for sure, and it has felt like "the depths" at times. But even in the darkest places of this past year, in the fog of not understanding why I was in ICU, where is my husband, why can't I lay on my back??? Even in the darkest questions of my heart, why is this happening, why is this happening again, why AGAIN, why can't I just feel normal again...</div><div><br></div><div>He has sustained me. </div><div><br></div><div>He has led me through "the depths" by His righteous right hand. And I have the mysterious beauty of holding His hand in contrast with the pain of continuing on in this season pulling at each other. I don't want to be in pain, but I have so enjoyed sitting in His lap and being shushed by His beautiful melodies. </div><div><br></div><div>But as I have begun to feel the shift of the seasons spiritually, I feel like I am moving into something new, and downright terrifying. </div><div><br></div><div>The death of the self life.</div><div><br></div><div>This last year has taught me that I don't need health or physical comfort to enjoy Gods peace and joy and beauty. But as I leave "the depths" and enter into this new season with a sputtering start, I have balked at what is before me. </div><div><br></div><div>IT IS EASIER TO DENY THE FLESH WHEN IT IS AFFLICTED. When I was in pain, it was easier to deny my self. Because my self wasn't feeling so hot. I could easily see that I had no place of refuge to run to besides the arms of my Savior. </div><div><br></div><div>But now, as things ease up a bit, do I immediately run to my Refuge? Am I as desperate as I was this last year?</div><div><br></div><div>I should be, because I'm a wretch. </div><div><br></div><div>Everywhere I look in my time with Jesus, He is teaching me about what it looks like to walk with Him in the power of HIS SPIRIT. </div><div><br></div><div>Everywhere I turn in my time with the Lord, there are plumb lines to hold my life up to and see how much I need Him. </div><div><br></div><div>The plumb lines are not there to condemn me and make me feel less than some standard. They are there to show me what is actively ruling in my life</div><div><br></div><div>Self or the Spirit</div><div><br></div><div>I keep running into things like 1 Corinthians 13</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCPj41_xuU5mrHy5g2uobTMX_bN8nsVq1lLisYY1TyWqVqbqg7LBGjEVhWjm0ywVYkU9EzMJU_rN840_oZImnTG2UbXehvgOoRd5Bl3hsDEUcSZ7cou7jtXhu-Rnd9xQKTZKzSUD3p-m3k/s640/blogger-image-264165856.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCPj41_xuU5mrHy5g2uobTMX_bN8nsVq1lLisYY1TyWqVqbqg7LBGjEVhWjm0ywVYkU9EzMJU_rN840_oZImnTG2UbXehvgOoRd5Bl3hsDEUcSZ7cou7jtXhu-Rnd9xQKTZKzSUD3p-m3k/s640/blogger-image-264165856.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>2 Timothy 1:13</div><div>2:14</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvjbxp7KDdd81wPAvezSDmcuOk6R0nDpiyszORGE7RrYaw8olREyyHXKKj6H5Jj4lle3PHO1_-LR8t2XHEqtuFficzRF3xQ1LKga90O6cZgfJ5Y-GrcnlbS7YH1Za5krgVBnYm4APYszuV/s640/blogger-image-755826590.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvjbxp7KDdd81wPAvezSDmcuOk6R0nDpiyszORGE7RrYaw8olREyyHXKKj6H5Jj4lle3PHO1_-LR8t2XHEqtuFficzRF3xQ1LKga90O6cZgfJ5Y-GrcnlbS7YH1Za5krgVBnYm4APYszuV/s640/blogger-image-755826590.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Titus 2 & 3</div><div><br></div><div>1peter 3:8-9</div><div><br></div><div>These are each plumb lines that show me whether or not I am empowered by His Spirit or trying to do it on my own. </div><div><br></div><div>It has beautifully defined for me what the battle of the Christian life really is. It has reminded me that although I'm weary, there is a battle that needs to be fought. There is a goal worth keeping my eyes on. </div><div><br></div><div>And honestly IT IS TIRING TO CONTINUE TO FIGHT TOWARDS THE GOAL.</div><div><br></div><div> When Paul said he was pressing on towards the upward call, pressing on toward the goal, I don't know why I pictured a walk along a grassy meadow with butterflies flitting about and sunshine filtering the light into a perfect set of warm tones. Oh my gosh, I am so dumb. </div><div><br></div><div>PRESSING ON. This is implying an upward climb, a struggle, a difficult walk. I picture in my mind a ship pushing into the middle of a hurricane, everything soaked, the ship practically on its side at times, people being tossed about. Actually, I have this image in my mind of Jack Sparrow from the first Pirates movie (debatably the only decent one of the trilogy) guiding his ship through that insane storm towards Isla de Muerta after the Black Pearl. The lightning is cracking the sky open, the rain is a deluge, the men barely hanging on to the sides of the ship. And there's jack, smiling. Smiling, because as he pressed INto the storm, he knew he was gaining ground. </div><div><br></div><div>Yes, I did just compare the apostle Paul to Jack Sparrow. Sue me. I'm an imagery person. On a side note, so was Ezekiel and man did God use some imagery with him! I'm so glad Jesus knows us and speaks to us how we need to hear it. Rabbit trail. </div><div><br></div><div>Now, I don't actually think Jack Sparrow is anything like Paul, but I hope you get what I'm saying. That's the imagery. Smiling into the storm, understanding that what you're gaining is far more than the accumulation of the difficulties taking place at the moment. The storm in the movie was the vehicle to get him where he needed to go, and faster. Our storms can do the same. </div><div><br></div><div>The crux of the matter is this:</div><div><br></div><div>WILL WE DENY SELF LONG ENOUGH TO SEE THAT THIS LIFE ISNT ABOUT US?</div><div><br></div><div>Yes, Jesus loves us. He stinking died for us. I think it's clear that He loves us. And He does have a beautiful plan for our lives. Hello, we have the beautiful hope of heaven lining the majesty of His creation. Regardless of circumstance, we can see that his plans for us are beautiful. </div><div><br></div><div>BUT WHAT IF HIS PLANS FOR US, WHAT IF THE BEAUTY IN THEM, IS NOT SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS?</div><div><br></div><div>What if the beautiful plan He has is to use us to display His grace to the world?</div><div><br></div><div>WHAT IF THAT HURTS?</div><div><br></div><div>Will we deny the self life that seeks it's own comfort?</div><div><br></div><div>Reading through Ezekiel has been so challenging this last week! So many times, God has him do some crazy stuff JUST TO BE A PICTURE TO PEOPLE WHO WERENT EVEN GOING TO LISTEN OR REPENT YET. </div><div><br></div><div>God knew they would eventually look back and remember and repent but Ezekiel's job was to be the picture NOW regardless of what Ezekiel saw as fruit of the situation.</div><div><br></div><div>Oh, how many times I have argued with God lately that what He is asking me to do is pointless. No one cares. No one is listening. The only ones that care would care even if I did nothing, so what's the point.</div><div><br></div><div> And He has spoken to my heart:</div><div><br></div><div>Do it anyway. Ezekiel 3:3</div><div><br></div><div> It's not about you. </div><div><br></div><div>Don't look at their faces. (Ezekiel 2:6-8)</div><div><br></div><div>Don't be dismayed. </div><div><br></div><div>It MAY BE that someone will listen</div><div><br></div><div>Even if the only fruit is the joy of obedience, do it. </div><div><br></div><div>The main point:</div><div>GET OVER YOURSELF JO</div><div>This life is not about you</div><div>Deny yourself. </div><div>Deny your rights</div><div>Deny your need to feel like someone approves of you or cares. </div><div><br></div><div>Do this thing I'm asking NOT because you understand it or because it will produce much fruit. DO IT BECAUSE I ASKED YOU TO, I HAVE A PLAN, AND ONLY MY PLEASURE MATTERS. </div><div><br></div><div>Ouchie. </div><div><br></div><div>Set aside self.</div><div><br></div><div>And what happens when we choose NOT to set aside self?</div><div><br></div><div>Well it reminded me of King David when he chose not to go out to war in the spring when all the kings were supposed to. He was tired of war. He wanted to sit down and rest. But this life isn't time to rest!</div><div><br></div><div>The story starts in 2 Samuel 11:1, but basically, he chose to stay home because he was tired. He wanted a staycation and if God wasn't going to give it to him, he was going to take it! And what follows is sin and death and a breach in the sweet fellowship he had with God. God brought forgiveness and beauty to the story, but there was so much destroyed in the process that David realized that battling until his last breath would be better than walking a path that God hadn't chosen for him. He had to give up his "rights" and trust that battling every moment of this life if that was Gods plan was better than walking outside of fellowship with God. </div><div><br></div><div>We don't get to pick how we bring glory to God. We just get to pick whether or not we stick to his path. And sticking to His oath means giving up control, means saying goodbye to the self-life.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>And it's hard to give up the self life. It's HARD. </div><div>But anything worth doing in life,</div><div><br></div><div>Anything scripture clearly lays out,</div><div><br></div><div>ITS HARD TO MAINTAIN</div><div><br></div><div>Unity</div><div><br></div><div>Peace</div><div><br></div><div>Not walking in the flesh</div><div><br></div><div>Prayer life</div><div><br></div><div>All of it cannot be done without constantly checking back in with the Spirit. Checking in with God in a continual surrender. </div><div><br></div><div>I think in fact that this is part of what Jesus meant when He said to pray without ceasing. We should just be having a life-long constant RELATIONSHIP with Him. As we seek to be free of selfishness or pride or anger or whatever we are struggling with, we are spending more time with Him. And that's not a bad thing!</div><div><br></div><div>So the duh moment for me right now is this:</div><div>It's okay that even after a season of suffering, I still have to come to Him to teach me daily what it means to BE LONGSUFFERING. </div><div><br></div><div>It's okay that I don't have it yet. </div><div><br></div><div>Paul said </div><div>"Not that I have attained but I press on towards the goal"</div><div><br></div><div>That dude certainly had it way more together than ME! But even he said he hasn't arrived. </div><div><br></div><div>After this last season where He spoke so much into my heart and life, I feel almost as if I should be more grown up or something. And hopefully I have grown a little, but that's not the point. </div><div><br></div><div>MAYBE GROWING IS THE REALIZATION THAT WE ARE IMMATURE</div><div><br></div><div>Maybe the most mature people in life are those that are aware of their own immaturity because then they can take that immaturity to the Lord and submit it to Him. And ya know what? After they do, they'll have to do it again, or they'll find another area that needs to be submitted. </div><div><br></div><div>What I'm saying is just this:</div><div><br></div><div>It's okay to be constantly aware that we fall short. </div><div><br></div><div>Because we do. It's what we do with the realization of ourselves, of how much the self life is on the throne of our hearts, of how much of our lives wouldn't change if the Holy Spirit departed...it's what we DO with that that matters. </div><div><br></div><div>What do you do when faced with your utter depravity?</div><div>Are we defensive and begin making excuses?</div><div>Are we crushed by the disappointment of realizing that we aren't as good as we thought we were?</div><div><br></div><div>Or do we turn to our Jesus in thankfulness not just for the cross that allows the grace to be saved at all but also in thankfulness that He has shown us where we have fallen short as well as given us the Resource to fly with Him again (the Holy Spirit)?</div><div><br></div><div>Are we thankful that He has shown us how we can grow?</div><div><br></div><div>The beginning to denying the self life is to realize life isn't about ME. So that's where I'm at. </div><div><br></div><div>Spiritually, I'm a wreck. I'm a crazy sinner and dude I've been desperate for Him! </div><div><br></div><div>Physically, I'm doing a bit better. I can get out of the chair in the corner for longer periods of time and if I'm careful not to overdo it, I can school the kids and make SOME food. If you're into praying for me, I'd love prayer to get better and better though. Cause I'd love to clean my house again. I'd love to sew and sled down a snowy hill with my kiddos without pain. But, all in all, things are really very much better than they were a month ago. </div><div><br></div><div>And pray for me to live in brokenness with Jesus on the throne instead of my self-life ruling the day. That is what I need most of all!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlj9lqTysaMGspaQXe3joqyNblmBAmkFHp2lt08xqbRWT9mPUbkH52re9RePAy9H9Y-z20Nr1bVqVE0CeYue9ROIym6M-O12WaSJCkwLG9R7zqFIikQ2h1kcK3BhCu-Mm-xoCzDma5pkXV/s640/blogger-image-1470891617.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlj9lqTysaMGspaQXe3joqyNblmBAmkFHp2lt08xqbRWT9mPUbkH52re9RePAy9H9Y-z20Nr1bVqVE0CeYue9ROIym6M-O12WaSJCkwLG9R7zqFIikQ2h1kcK3BhCu-Mm-xoCzDma5pkXV/s640/blogger-image-1470891617.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmLNQ9InxdBp7Z29Gbq6SMORowJc0aSM9x5qAp7NBtYTRH2Sk6CRW5RDOIf44h0idqRpyJib8ihR5Dd1KdO74FwuClTsUBXrc_UI0SXVZ7bcmvyjlGPfXjbIApMl3JK9orhNa6L6K2gYSY/s640/blogger-image-1190358460.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmLNQ9InxdBp7Z29Gbq6SMORowJc0aSM9x5qAp7NBtYTRH2Sk6CRW5RDOIf44h0idqRpyJib8ihR5Dd1KdO74FwuClTsUBXrc_UI0SXVZ7bcmvyjlGPfXjbIApMl3JK9orhNa6L6K2gYSY/s640/blogger-image-1190358460.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPnyYvWFTd3cOyOkfUUpyz3Gtsa3tKE_1i6u0TekYW2Y-8NaZ7oRGfwiM15EVhiajzVJz3VR2Of3_8MHmiMod-jszm19uApUn1yYICFZA1Y5agEkXfenaTkszcghTOLAyzqpMhTnprCH1k/s640/blogger-image-556521421.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPnyYvWFTd3cOyOkfUUpyz3Gtsa3tKE_1i6u0TekYW2Y-8NaZ7oRGfwiM15EVhiajzVJz3VR2Of3_8MHmiMod-jszm19uApUn1yYICFZA1Y5agEkXfenaTkszcghTOLAyzqpMhTnprCH1k/s640/blogger-image-556521421.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-86163930569391592142014-08-25T10:44:00.001-07:002014-09-27T12:53:04.115-07:00Set on HighWell, it has been quite a long time since I have posted, and really the only reason why is that I have been waiting until I had great news to share with you guys. Like hey look at me I can do cartwheels again and laundry doesn't hurt so excruciatingly that I cry when I'm done loading it in. I want to be able to say stuff like that instead of I'm still in pain, things are still hard, I STILL can't drive safely on my own, I still need my husband to cook and do the lions share of child rearing. Because when I have nothing "good" to report, I feel defeated. Like, dude, these people are tired of the eeyore act already. Give 'em something positive for a change will ya?<div><br></div><div>I've been taking this feeling of defeat and borderline-at-times-despair to the feet of Jesus for weeks now and he's been speaking. Slowly, softly, a little at a time, because He knows that too much would just overwhelm me. So many verses about how HE goes before and behind, He restores, HE brings streams in the desert, HE does all the good stuff! It's been slow but sweet. So sweet. And I've gotta say to anyone out there feeling like their season of difficulty is just never going to lift, keep seeking His face! Even if it seems pointless. Even if you don't "get anything out of it." Keep pressing in. You don't know when the beauty is about to come. </div><div><br></div><div>I remember taking a hike on our honeymoon in Maui to these crazy waterfalls. We were completely unprepared for the hike. We pictured walking half a mile through some grass and then happening upon awesomeness. So we were in flip flops and bathing suits and just goofy man. GOOFY. But the hike was four miles round trip through bamboo forests so thick you couldn't see the beginning or the end and when the wind blew through them and knocked them together they sounded like a giant all-encompassing wooden wind chime. Christian and I looked at each other and thought of the verse that says the trees clap their hands for the Lord. Then we hiked through very dense and crazy looking trees that grew up but also back down to the ground. Next, we had to cross a pretty decent stream (shoes off for that part). Then began the ascent. Everything was covered in moss and greenery and you could begin to smell the waterfall and faintly hear it. By the time we got to the falls, we were exhausted and had the whole trip back to make, but wowza it was WORTH it! Those falls were amazing. And as we walked back, we realized that the journey had been just as fabulous as the destination. There were times when we both looked at each other and voiced the option of turning back, but we would have missed out!!!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieMhhddAQL6tE7eHfBpGS1uRwag33vVASwNpQQz2h3rkxpA59yrDJb5rj4jp3Q20fywElSqtFcKaEaovi3l9elB4GzksXV_lD6SYoBXkbUs9gWIr9XOD3JmV2IXMZ0gvefBkWPZsJoN1di/s640/blogger-image-1794650440.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieMhhddAQL6tE7eHfBpGS1uRwag33vVASwNpQQz2h3rkxpA59yrDJb5rj4jp3Q20fywElSqtFcKaEaovi3l9elB4GzksXV_lD6SYoBXkbUs9gWIr9XOD3JmV2IXMZ0gvefBkWPZsJoN1di/s640/blogger-image-1794650440.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>That's how this thing has been with seeking Gods face in this difficulty. </div><div><br></div><div>I came to it thinking I knew what I was heading into. What's a little brain surgery, after all. And really I had no clue. GOOFY, man. Just goofy. </div><div><br></div><div>As I embarked upon this journey, I began to realize that I was completely unprepared. The wrong "shoes," the wrong "gear," the wrong EVERYTHING. Each time the terrain has changed, I've realized something else that I was lacking. </div><div><br></div><div>But unlike that hike through the rain forests of Maui, I didn't stay unprepared. God has equipped me with everything I've needed, just as soon as I have admitted the lack and asked, that is. Sometimes I was slower to admit it than others. </div><div><br></div><div>But I have sort of stalled out these past couple of months. It's been one thing on top of another and I've just been worn thin. Like not enough butter spread over too much bread (thanks to my hubby for making me a Tolkien nerd and kudos to those of you who caught the Bilbo reference). For reals I've been DESPERATE. My heart has been longing and like I said He has been spoon feeding me just what I can handle, like a caring doctor feeding broth to His patient. </div><div><br></div><div>But today, I think he handed me a STEAK. Like, dude, this was MEATY. He handed me this:</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL8O0hZHvWoL1hHjNsLWsZHzE9inUsKmc-r0Xkm6hx72eN25etR3vYxL8tjDMTnBvTpMgXE22fS7Wk1mppIilqQ_hSMhlzetONOZK0YJUoGFO0MAs23LoKqzfs3bi6oZN012y1ESEgE2Mj/s640/blogger-image--1722000578.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL8O0hZHvWoL1hHjNsLWsZHzE9inUsKmc-r0Xkm6hx72eN25etR3vYxL8tjDMTnBvTpMgXE22fS7Wk1mppIilqQ_hSMhlzetONOZK0YJUoGFO0MAs23LoKqzfs3bi6oZN012y1ESEgE2Mj/s640/blogger-image--1722000578.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div> I am heart broken, poor, needy, DESPERATE, and the plea made here in psalm 69 is </div><div>"<b><i>Let YOUR SALVATION set me on high"</i></b><br><div><div><br></div><div>Whoa. Chew on that for a second. When everything stinks so badly that I am at the end of myself, the thing that will set me on high, that will lift me up, is His salvation!</div><div><br></div><div>Man, do we GET that!?! For months now, I have been trying to "count it all joy when you fall into various trials" like it says in James. That word "count" in the original language is an accounting term and basically means "add it up." James didn't mean that the trials were actually joyful but like an accounting ledger, add it all together and look at the end of the equation. Trials, stinky life stuff, hardships PLUS Jesus EQUALS joy! </div><div><br></div><div>Well, to be honest and real here, I've been trying to do that...but with the wrong stuff. </div><div><br></div><div>I've been looking at "things" and trying to balance them with "things." Yes it's another surgery (stinkiness) but hey at least God made a way for me to be better so hey now hand me some joy. Yes it's ANOTHER surgery, which will have to be followed by another surgery to fix the hole they'll be leaving but hey at least they found the staph before it crossed into my brain and I didn't die! Hey where's my joy? Yes they gave me medicine the last two surgeries that they didn't explain was way stronger and more addictive and now, even though I only took half of what they said and never abused it, I have to go through withdrawals like a heroine addict because of my genetic defect that won't process out toxins like a normal person, but hey it can't last forever and I have a great supportive husband and an awesome Jesus who will get me though, <b><i>now where's my joy</i></b>??? Over and over again, as each new wave of difficulty has come over me, I've been trying to balance it out with the truly wonderful things that God has done for me in this season of life. And it's not wrong to be thankful and express gratitude regularly. </div><div><br></div><div><b>BUT I WAS TRYING TO BALANCE OUT THE TRIALS OF THIS LIFE WITH THE AMAZING "THINGS" GOD HAS DONE FOR ME. </b></div><div><br></div><div>That doesn't work because the "things" He has done, they won't bring the joy and peace I need. <b>Only HE brings the joy and peace. </b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div><b>The fact that HE SAVED A SINNER LIKE ME, that's the only thing I can add to the equation of hardships and ALWAYS have the ledger read out JOY.</b> </div><div><br></div><div>The Jesus "things" are good. But there will always be more bad "things" that creep in. Life is full of trouble the same way it is full of beauty. It is not perfect. </div><div><br></div><div><b>But NOTHING can cancel out what He did for me on the cross. </b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div><b>There is no hardship that is too big to put His blood off balance. There will always be joy when HIS SACRIFICE IS ENOUGH for me. </b></div><div><br></div><div><b><i>Only His salvation can truly set me on high. </i></b></div><div><b><i><br></i></b></div><div>So that's where I'm at, still broken, but breaking in the right places, I hope. </div><div><br></div><div>I still can't function normally, but my hair is growing back finally! And with my hair down you can't even really tell, which is awesome because people really gawk at you when your head looks like this:</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRtYO4NhWHcKKjthyphenhypheneSdsYxfZa0MA76xm-0wuC00N_SzLPPghnqG7xTABgIDyLamV-bu8dsMY3JmkcGUf7d1cw305huwWkXF7fI1rWpWL_DYVtP_hk9fVDnIKsG1ntMEtVI7SwsWpCniS4/s640/blogger-image--1619222189.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRtYO4NhWHcKKjthyphenhypheneSdsYxfZa0MA76xm-0wuC00N_SzLPPghnqG7xTABgIDyLamV-bu8dsMY3JmkcGUf7d1cw305huwWkXF7fI1rWpWL_DYVtP_hk9fVDnIKsG1ntMEtVI7SwsWpCniS4/s640/blogger-image--1619222189.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>I still can't drive myself around, but I can homeschool the kids mostly, so that's nice. I really enjoy that time with them. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFBP3t0Rl2iWTXWysOY6ZxpHEYbCqKi37B0dGoDxfVd1DU5ETfHf0eJ5htPd8JpWsg4uevYPPPauoI1xHdPXa5fWSrnCKSIr9OeEKDZLkR99AixJeB28zusXBAoXqFOhHs_Dzfm9NzuP7V/s640/blogger-image--2085930666.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFBP3t0Rl2iWTXWysOY6ZxpHEYbCqKi37B0dGoDxfVd1DU5ETfHf0eJ5htPd8JpWsg4uevYPPPauoI1xHdPXa5fWSrnCKSIr9OeEKDZLkR99AixJeB28zusXBAoXqFOhHs_Dzfm9NzuP7V/s640/blogger-image--2085930666.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>I can't do much around the house but I've been crocheting like a crazy lady so at least I'm being somewhat productive! </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguYJBV2reaDIl2vGA-Ugca5ScibdZiESkkWHdD0NRVFgNhz7va6GnGQkb_nLqRMgDZCjpg8GfrKepzm4EOO6BSeLPoe8VQV5asOhBnqJ5kqLEetcZIF56mw9P0svfKS-jJ5NHwufBt062J/s640/blogger-image-339504247.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguYJBV2reaDIl2vGA-Ugca5ScibdZiESkkWHdD0NRVFgNhz7va6GnGQkb_nLqRMgDZCjpg8GfrKepzm4EOO6BSeLPoe8VQV5asOhBnqJ5kqLEetcZIF56mw9P0svfKS-jJ5NHwufBt062J/s640/blogger-image-339504247.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgePTxkKnh65B5V2Kd8bEWxnjJv0J258YKFEugM0-h8Tva9Mzfgd4ZML7WKWnYqra_pLFyLFTBkuBT3TlABKoNH3JjCGFcdpIUPbdZfDAwyztk6S-dkiMrHTSzMzuE69fYMcWovQb3MMGzZ/s640/blogger-image-235997259.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgePTxkKnh65B5V2Kd8bEWxnjJv0J258YKFEugM0-h8Tva9Mzfgd4ZML7WKWnYqra_pLFyLFTBkuBT3TlABKoNH3JjCGFcdpIUPbdZfDAwyztk6S-dkiMrHTSzMzuE69fYMcWovQb3MMGzZ/s640/blogger-image-235997259.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwTgaTe0jPD2o1UKnJhvHD7X8chfR6K8kdiAaUf0qX1u_YVefPu0PmmoDPbioe-XZLm1x8Mtc0T4RfYZAlNNoUQXzmFjnHuwQgFEbR_p1EnACbK9MWAfGCiCU0qZGMhC53Sw4cn8BOHuuH/s640/blogger-image-1823916751.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwTgaTe0jPD2o1UKnJhvHD7X8chfR6K8kdiAaUf0qX1u_YVefPu0PmmoDPbioe-XZLm1x8Mtc0T4RfYZAlNNoUQXzmFjnHuwQgFEbR_p1EnACbK9MWAfGCiCU0qZGMhC53Sw4cn8BOHuuH/s640/blogger-image-1823916751.jpg"></a></div>It's a turtle shell with a blanket inside that folds out :)</div><br></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYhpi-F0Tt5ely_02iq4mo2foFWgTPcmRBSAJ-h0pw0LuYYzBF99bGvQY4mRZf3dQ-NTus94UuCzem6gFnaJsalRiTQY1erfI23kUOjgrjEXbFOCQzUaPmXZjn5rXP76EfUcTyYGWODqYH/s640/blogger-image--1213657205.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYhpi-F0Tt5ely_02iq4mo2foFWgTPcmRBSAJ-h0pw0LuYYzBF99bGvQY4mRZf3dQ-NTus94UuCzem6gFnaJsalRiTQY1erfI23kUOjgrjEXbFOCQzUaPmXZjn5rXP76EfUcTyYGWODqYH/s640/blogger-image--1213657205.jpg"></a></div>(I could keep going but you get the point.)</div><div><br></div><div>I'm not getting "better," but I'm not getting BITTER (by Gods grace alone) so there is nothing more I can ask for! I'm going to CHOOSE to LET His salvation be what sets me on high today. Don't you love how that word LET is in there? It's passive, meaning you don't do anything to make it happen, you just don't do anything to stop it. Chill out. Sit still. Let God be God and be AMAZED at His gift of salvation, His gift of love. Yeah, pray for me to continue in this, okay? 'Cause it's kinda beautiful from where I'm sitting right now and I just want to take it all in. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div></div></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-33758846936879230672014-08-24T16:35:00.001-07:002014-08-24T16:35:21.498-07:00Hope will Bud Forth<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5UkIagn3pufT-fStiYqpipF9unwWzs2b7DVXw9UPj_ycVQ-Vf4oH1dwTAYwB_46iFFbIYootm0mZkthUsEhuZiRoqD0IxZuYaxzN23kOjkm4zu_4jmVeGuxYZ22EeZJYag66kiUwl2iTO/s640/blogger-image-944781531.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5UkIagn3pufT-fStiYqpipF9unwWzs2b7DVXw9UPj_ycVQ-Vf4oH1dwTAYwB_46iFFbIYootm0mZkthUsEhuZiRoqD0IxZuYaxzN23kOjkm4zu_4jmVeGuxYZ22EeZJYag66kiUwl2iTO/s640/blogger-image-944781531.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The Lord gave me this verse out of Job this morning. Cause really my problem isn't so much how absolutely awful I still feel (which is why I've been pretty silent these last few weeks) but really everything just seems to keep piling on top of each other and somewhere in the last few weeks I think I've lost HOPE. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Cause this is more than just physical trials. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">There have been so many emotional ones the last year I cannot even begin to describe. And I'm just all out. Out of Hope that I will ever feel normal again. That I'll ever be a fun mom again. A good wife. Hope that I'll ever be more than everyone's burden. And I know I have heaven and that makes everything in this life worth it...intellectually. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">But I've been feeling such a lack of HOPE. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And I feel like He gave me the beginning of it. Even if I'm dry and feel so lost in all of this, JUST THE SCENT OF WATER can bring fresh growth.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"> <b>I just need more of that Living Water. More Holy Spirit. </b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b><i>He will grow the hope that I have lost. </i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Because I cannot seem to grow it myself. But I can smell Him. He is close. And loving and kind and generous. I know He will do something good. Even if it feels like trial upon trial. He never leaves. He never forsakes. I can count on that. His word will uphold me while I wait for the beautiful growth that only He can bring. </div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-5105446071507452122014-07-15T07:20:00.001-07:002014-07-15T07:46:12.205-07:00Shepherding my SoulSo today is the big day. Well, the fourth big day, actually. Surgery number four! Fun times over here. We just got to the hospital and they told us that the prosthetic bone piece is not actually at the hospital so instead of a 9:20 surgery it will be a 12:40. That's an inconvenience for sure but not the end of the world. At first we were looking at having to wait for surgery until the end of August so I am just grateful that it is a couple of hours and not a couple of weeks delay. <div><br></div><div>Today they will go in and make room for the prosthetic piece of bone that they had custom designed for my head. They will put in some metal plates (I'll be a real metal head! Haha!) and then screws to hold the piece in place and hopefully it will be a quick procedure. About two hours or so. I should be in the hospital anywhere from 2-5 days. Easy peasy. </div><div><br></div><div>Except not easy peasy. I am petrified. I am absolutely terrified. No one knows better than me after three surgeries what to expect after the fourth. I am in for a lot of pain and after it eases I will still need medication and not be able to resume any level of normalcy for 4-6 weeks. There's always the chance of worse pain than when I began. And staph. Yeah staph stinks. And this whole week I have just been quietly panicking inside. </div><div><br></div><div><b><i>I don't want to do this. </i></b></div><div><br></div><div>I can't seem to find a way that I can get out of it but I don't want to do this. I want to just be done with the pain and the difficulties and just have a normal skull. I intellectually understand that isn't possible but still my mind is rejecting this with all it's might. The way you must force yourself not to step back from a very high cliff's edge, I must make myself stare into the face of this surgery even though my body and mind are raging against it. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK80VY4Yr1GCsCRAmKCdbX6KduELPUxOA4vGQwk82Ffj140MUpkPJKWyRxWItyvmIdkbIvdn9D7KeKWniucGDKs7aT696q9bTYZVdgxmU-YN_-xGZZu4HT5xkg75m-MK6PDTOaQ26ewpYC/s640/blogger-image-857003810.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK80VY4Yr1GCsCRAmKCdbX6KduELPUxOA4vGQwk82Ffj140MUpkPJKWyRxWItyvmIdkbIvdn9D7KeKWniucGDKs7aT696q9bTYZVdgxmU-YN_-xGZZu4HT5xkg75m-MK6PDTOaQ26ewpYC/s640/blogger-image-857003810.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Sorry to be negative. I truly know all the "right" things to say and feel. <b>But sometimes the reality of the situation comes barging into our doctrine and we are forced to reexamine. </b></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSFR2WYKG-oa6x9Fp_I33irWxJhjh8Gh8FkZ1VhG6Nr7cfZvEMlzubBcQoaleRMUtnBqJ28MYuNzR74T_MMzNxpSPJwkbZ7bXoyqqiiPMerXM9qvF_pUUgZNwWp1sBfkKziuafRQJWrjlk/s640/blogger-image-406461250.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSFR2WYKG-oa6x9Fp_I33irWxJhjh8Gh8FkZ1VhG6Nr7cfZvEMlzubBcQoaleRMUtnBqJ28MYuNzR74T_MMzNxpSPJwkbZ7bXoyqqiiPMerXM9qvF_pUUgZNwWp1sBfkKziuafRQJWrjlk/s640/blogger-image-406461250.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>I've done a lot of that. And it's been good.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJYpTXwUs96515Q0ZA09zc7gC8fme5CGvGLQkNFkEG_ZbSgneAXTwVetpwg7XVc5hRYZv1D5x977jo1pLY4q4pj7g3-iQCFbS5UmJy0mVi1Y9pxEcciV0dg7y2E2hlvQjOVqClUvjRApL5/s640/blogger-image-1841109830.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJYpTXwUs96515Q0ZA09zc7gC8fme5CGvGLQkNFkEG_ZbSgneAXTwVetpwg7XVc5hRYZv1D5x977jo1pLY4q4pj7g3-iQCFbS5UmJy0mVi1Y9pxEcciV0dg7y2E2hlvQjOVqClUvjRApL5/s640/blogger-image-1841109830.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>The thing that has stuck out to me this week is how good Gods word is. It is a beautiful anchor to the soul, just like Hebrews promises. <b><i>It has kept me from capsizing in this storm and I am so thankful for it.</i></b></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_62Ng6ZjPohd7RrfRcNnCqmvqY_iqRHtySkxtvYQfVYql5GWPBwGXvH72vnugeP83HdVQmXkWJFDy4MnmRlO2Jo8BwpeOmsLQuziVFrByiKd4GiNdq6Qd8NDhjWd0zcOz4x3HqVMAmseK/s640/blogger-image-1938478201.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_62Ng6ZjPohd7RrfRcNnCqmvqY_iqRHtySkxtvYQfVYql5GWPBwGXvH72vnugeP83HdVQmXkWJFDy4MnmRlO2Jo8BwpeOmsLQuziVFrByiKd4GiNdq6Qd8NDhjWd0zcOz4x3HqVMAmseK/s640/blogger-image-1938478201.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Yesterday I had this imagery in my head of a shepherd and his sheep up on the hills. The shepherd uses his sheep dogs to help herd the sheep away from the edge of dangerous cliffs and towards those proverbial still waters. They help the shepherd keep the sheep safe and going in the right direction. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl-4nS_POgHZWkPZUoupMQaK2WpgC2Bj3J9eBq0enX8VcO0s_6PtCNuOUbCbvU-jLJM83D0QCOzuyuL7GdtXFscW2e1uY9oaqk8YKLc9vSK48-ziSeFmGZGK2r68Ge3JhElio_5WtP3ylJ/s640/blogger-image--717097095.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl-4nS_POgHZWkPZUoupMQaK2WpgC2Bj3J9eBq0enX8VcO0s_6PtCNuOUbCbvU-jLJM83D0QCOzuyuL7GdtXFscW2e1uY9oaqk8YKLc9vSK48-ziSeFmGZGK2r68Ge3JhElio_5WtP3ylJ/s640/blogger-image--717097095.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>And it hit me! God is my shepherd. For sure. He is looking out for me and loves me and has my best interest at heart. But the imagery that really stuck out to me were those sheep dogs. I feel like God's word is like those sheep dogs. <b>As I read and receive words from His word that are <i>for me for this time</i>, they act like those dogs, keeping from the dangerous cliffs of doubt and anger, guiding toward the still waters of His peace and refreshment. They won't LET me go the wrong way. Every time I feel like I'm lost, there are my verses, special words for me, that don't let me wallow in self pity and despair. What a treasure!</b></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPXqADCeA4H_nG38j-YzbmOif3-kk9wHWQrJpTOWxZCfngHWiIhx8lrTAHVIkDOCNXqltUQwL9jK0H2QBgAiyZo95PLcavU2ijwDlz9T_AH_BjVrhuOtP7QoMwep53bWGh78Q01kVXSNSj/s640/blogger-image--5401117.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPXqADCeA4H_nG38j-YzbmOif3-kk9wHWQrJpTOWxZCfngHWiIhx8lrTAHVIkDOCNXqltUQwL9jK0H2QBgAiyZo95PLcavU2ijwDlz9T_AH_BjVrhuOtP7QoMwep53bWGh78Q01kVXSNSj/s640/blogger-image--5401117.jpg"></a></div><br></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Sometimes, honestly, I don't want to be herded. That pit of despair looks awfully great right now. That cliff of doubt doesn't look too dangerous. But no, Gods word won't let that happen. He will remind me of His word as I begin to stray towards the edge and He won't let me go. His word will keep me safe. </div><div><br></div><div>I could get into the reason why each of these verses is special to me for this season but that's not the point. The point is, <b>He is shepherding me with His word. </b>And He promises to do the same for you. </div><div><br></div><div>Some of these I mined out myself. Some were given. Some were words spoken in times of worship. But regardless of how they came to me, they are mine.</div><div><br></div><div>And so I challenge you, do you let Gods word shepherd you? Do you receive a word fitly spoken by our Savior into your life? It isn't easy. It's easier to feel sorry for yourself. Trust me, I know. But not in the long run. In the long run it is better to stay following the Shepherd who knows where the peace and joy is. So yeah, those are my jumbled, lack of sleep, pre-op thoughts. Hope it makes sense. Thank you for praying for me and for everything! You guys have been amazing on this journey.</div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-70488715649147452602014-06-16T10:55:00.001-07:002014-06-18T16:28:40.407-07:00Trusting and WaitingSometimes I love how the word of God can meet us wherever we are at. Each day it can speak with fresh vision and direction in our lives because it isn't a collection of dead words but a living and active word that speaks and and cuts to the heart. Like a surgeons scalpel, it can cut down deep to the root of the problem and scrape out what is slowly but surely killing our spirits and give room and space to grow healthy new tissue and allow us to thrive. It is a beautiful thing. <div><br></div><div>To be honest though sometimes I don't love how it speaks to me. Isn't that an ugly thing for a woman who loves Jesus to say!?! But it's true. Sometimes His word speaks and I am given beautiful promises and I am overwhelmed by joy. Sometimes He speaks and I am told to stay put and let his timing play out and TRUST HIM. A gentle rebuke, but a rebuke nonetheless.<div><br></div><div>Usually, I even enjoy the rebukes. I mean, the God of the UNIVERSE I talking right to me...who am I to complain about what He says. And the rebukes, well, they're like that sweet friend who will tell you that you have a booger on your face. It's embarrassing and hard to hear, but hey at least you can go clean your face, right?</div><div><br></div><div>Well, lately, the rebukes have been less easily received by my yucky sinful heart. I keep hearing that He has His timing, I need to stop looking at my own situations and see things from His side of heaven, that I may not understand now but I will declare in the end that "He ONLY does marvelous things" like the Psalmist does. Stuff like that. </div><div><br></div><div><b><i>And that's been hard to hear. </i></b></div><div><br></div><div>Because I sorta just want a time out, a break, a vacation from the pain. But things keep getting more and more gnarly! But He keeps speaking the same things to my heart. And I am left to choose whether to follow my Jesus or not.</div><div><br></div><div>Of course I want to follow my Jesus!!!</div><div><br></div><div>But it's truly a minute by minute battle. As I sat in the hospital this week, I swung back and forth between completely freaking out and complete trust. <i>It was strange how there was no in between.</i> I was totally losing it and crying my eyes out in fear and doubt or I was completely okay and smiling at the nurses and telling THEM that I was going to be just fine and it would all work out. I'm thankful that the majority of the freak out moments were during my alone time in my room. Hopefully I didn't leave anyone thinking that Jesus is less than fabulous. </div><div><br></div><div>But that's my struggle. I know the truth. I BELIEVE the truth. But in the middle of the pain, it is hard to feel the truth or even want to see it. </div><div><br></div><div>Like in today's One Year Bible reading, I was totally blown away.</div><div><br></div><div>1 Kings 17 says</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOnjBUEoD6J8uip0Sb38Lu4btSZs5LutABDB7KRTKhU4lrvFob5UV64rAdyuvCXG4Fm_unQOdWMt77gdzqZOU3I3h3I8-b6k20Omfv3MaWj7dYc27Qpd9COFzNEQaLRys7G5SMhLAPoadH/s640/blogger-image-1937225393.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOnjBUEoD6J8uip0Sb38Lu4btSZs5LutABDB7KRTKhU4lrvFob5UV64rAdyuvCXG4Fm_unQOdWMt77gdzqZOU3I3h3I8-b6k20Omfv3MaWj7dYc27Qpd9COFzNEQaLRys7G5SMhLAPoadH/s640/blogger-image-1937225393.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>Man! I just FELT for Elijah here! The Lord has told him to go sit by a river that is drying up and to receive food from a dirty bird (ravens are considered unclean in the law). How awful!!! But Elijah obeyed. <b><i>And as he watched the river dry up a little more day after day, he did not get up and leave. He did not decide that he must have "heard wrong" and take off to find his own way. He made a choice to sit there in the middle of the desolation and wait until he heard God speak. </i></b> And God, well, He didn't make it easy on him. He waited until the river was completely dried up to give him another move to make. Elijah must have been freaking out, like really Lord there's not much left here. </div><div><br></div><div><b>But still Elijah TRUSTED and WAITED until he was given further instructions. </b></div><div><br></div><div> Whoa. Ouchie. That is some stinging conviction right there.</div><div><br></div><div>Then later in the chapter</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTrPDdlePvgNUyV9QMrYq5cj1w63z4XZXLi7jjtImcKsfgoQl42uVuOD-r1JM8SvNtfY5BJ5En-JpElsnBMYK-7mEjkwyztqmdNlNDs_EHRWb1x-8Tc6KMvZTj1pDeqgMGR8QkKZ60gVKW/s640/blogger-image-1629095497.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTrPDdlePvgNUyV9QMrYq5cj1w63z4XZXLi7jjtImcKsfgoQl42uVuOD-r1JM8SvNtfY5BJ5En-JpElsnBMYK-7mEjkwyztqmdNlNDs_EHRWb1x-8Tc6KMvZTj1pDeqgMGR8QkKZ60gVKW/s640/blogger-image-1629095497.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>...there's this widow, on the brink of death, just going through her final motions. But she hears this promise and banks on it, puts her trust in it, <b><i>leans her full weight on the tightrope that is strung hundreds of feet in the air and begins to walk across.</i></b> And does that tightrope fail her? Does she fall to her death and despair? No way! Gods promises never fail!!! And as she stepped out in trust, her provision never ran out. And I felt the Lord speak to me so clearly, "Jo, trust in My words so that you don't run out of sustenance spiritually!"</div><div><br></div><div>See! This is the kind of stuff that I run into all of the time. Such sweet promises, but alongside of the promises are the need to </div><div><i>press in, </i></div><div><i>keep running, </i></div><div><i>keep trusting, </i></div><div><i>don't give up! </i></div><div><br></div><div>But I just want a place to rest my head for a little bit, is that so wrong? </div><div><br></div><div> Well, yes, if you're caught in quicksand then a tiny moment of rest will in fact seal your fate. </div><div><br></div><div> So here I am, hearing Jesus speak and I'm so desperate because I know that I can't keep going for even another moment. That's why I need all of you! Thank you for praying for me. I KNOW that it is the prayers of His saints and His grace that is holding me up right now so thank you for being a part of that.</div><div><br></div><div>I'll really be leaning on your prayers these next few months too because things this last week got a bit gnarly. If you opened this post to hear about the One year reading and you don't want to hear my post brain trauma rumblings about my crazy hospital stay, then totally skip this last half.</div><div><br></div><div> It's just going to be a <b>medical update.</b></div><div><br></div><div>So on Monday night last week, I for reals came closer to death than I ever thought I would without actually dying.</div><div><br></div><div>A month ago, I had a second surgery on my skull to fix some of the issues I was having from spiky metal things cutting into me constantly. The surgery went really great and at week two I was feeling pretty awesome. A few days later I started to have a pain deep in my neck and I just plain felt worse. Christian checked my incision but since it looked fine and that wasn't even where the pain was coming from, we chalked it up to a set back. And set backs after surgery are totally normal. </div><div><br></div><div>But every day the pain got a little worse. Then last Monday I woke up in so much pain that I could not move my head to either side nor could I touch my chin to my chest. Again, we checked the incision but since it was fine, we decided I must have slept on it wrong. All day the pain worsened and around noon the incision site began to be a little red. Over the course of the next 8 hours, it reddened and became raised and grew and all of the fun stuff that clearly spells "infection" so we called my surgeon and he set us up with an appointment for Tuesday morning. Honestly, the infection looked small so he thought it could wait. But I felt super uncomfortable so we called Christians dad who has been a registered nurse for over thirty years and asked him what to do if the spot opened during the night to keep it clear from bacteria until my appointment late in the day. </div><div><br></div><div>We also sent him a picture. </div><div><br></div><div>He took one look at it and told Christian that I needed to go to the ER IMMEDIATELY. He said not to wait even an hour. He explained that because of how close it was to the hardware of my brain covering, it was incredibly important to be seen right away. If the non-organic material becomes infected then they would have to drill out all of the covering over my brain and start over again. So he said to get in right away before it could reach the hardware.</div><div><br></div><div>Well, we showed up and they sent me straight to a room at the ER and the doctor came in and examined it and very calmly explained that he would be back very soon and don't move.</div><div><br></div><div>That was when I knew something serious was wrong. When doctors go get more doctors in the ER, usually things are a bit wrong at the least. </div><div><br></div><div>He came back and said I did in fact have a serious infection. He explained that best case scenario, it is a superficial infection and limited to the surface skin. Worst case scenario, it is deeper and that would be much different so let's not talk about what we would do until we know more. (It's always scary when the doctors say let's deal with that when we get there...)</div><div><br></div><div>He sent me for an MRI and a CT scan and they came back showing that there were deep pockets of infection in multiple places, but thankfully it had not yet settled in my brain. Once it settles in your brain, it is very difficult to get out and the mortality rate is very high. They had already called in a neurosurgeon and operating team and the surgeon came in to explain that although the brain had not yet been compromised, it could happen at any moment, so they were going to do surgery right then at 2:30 in the morning. </div><div><br></div><div>I was kind of eerie. I've never seen the operating room before because they always put you to sleep in the pre-op room. But there was no time for that so I kissed Christian and they wheeled me into the room and I sat there waiting for someone to put me to sleep. I remember looking around at the table and the boxes of medical supplies and wondering if they would forget to put me to out. They didn't forget, praise the Lord.</div><div><br></div><div>I came out and hour and a half later, alive, no infection in my brain, and a huge hole in my skull. They ended up having to take out the compromised hardware so they drilled out everything that had been put in by my surgeon before and then extra because the bone cement was a little farther over than the original hole. So I have a hole over 4cm, closer to 5cm most likely, in the back of my head. They left my brain open and vulnerable because they had to allow my brain to drain the excess fluid around the meninges (the covering over the brain) and until the infection is completely cleared, they can't put another covering over it or they will sort of seal the infection in and that would have to be removed and start all over again. The majority of the infection settled into my neck instead of my brain (praise God) so it was less deadly there, but they had to scrape away a lot of neck tissue. They explained that it would be very painful for a very long time because of how much they had to scrape away. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>So I showed up in ICU with a hole in my skull and a drain line out of the back of my head (they called it a brain drain) and I was told that I cannot put ANY amount of pressure on the back of my head. Because of where my skull is missing, my occipital lobe is extremely vulnerable. Any pressure at all can cause immediate blindness as well as swelling in my brain and other stuff that goes along with that. I didn't hear much past "you'll go blind" to be honest. </div><div><br></div><div>Infectious Disease came back and confirmed that I had a gnarly staph infection that had taken over. My ICU nurse commented that I owed my father in law an awfully great gift this Father's Day because he had most likely saved my life. I was sort of shocked by that. I asked her if she meant I would have died if we hadn't listened to him and she said yes probably. Whoa. That's kinda crazy. </div><div><br></div><div>I spent five days in the hospital and came home Saturday. I have a follow up appointment on the 27th to have my stitches removed and talk about a game plan. I'm on gnarly antibiotics. If all goes well, I will have to lay on my side for at least one to three months (no pressure on the back of my head, remember). Any time I get out of bed I have an awesome helmet to wear. I'm in the most pain I have EVER been in in my entire life. If all goes well, after one to three months I will have a fourth surgery to close up the hole in my skull because it is very dangerous to have this open. So I'm in for months more of pain and surgeries and recovery and difficulty.</div><div><br></div><div>But I am trying to choose to look at all of the blessings.</div><div><br></div><div>I have an awesome father in law!</div><div><br></div><div>The infection had not crossed into my brain</div><div><br></div><div>I am able to handle oral antibiotics that make most people barf so badly they have to be on a pic line and do IV antibiotics at home</div><div><br></div><div>I have the type of staph that is not resistant to antibiotics</div><div><br></div><div>I am home with my favorite people on the planet! My kiddos are just the best therapy. They love to sit and play Legos while we listen to a bible study in my room. Their company is just healing.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE7V0zyr2FDx1DeDZesHc1k7f8e4m0T_khA3l22SLPNq0t9KKsl_3uUD7P1VkQbpQ4ofe1AsNp0fquictWDQpmprR2FZ3PL-oZdnz_afCmx5IJGiYdj3ZrkufktaKwhsJdjsDLmux0-aot/s640/blogger-image-1274555993.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE7V0zyr2FDx1DeDZesHc1k7f8e4m0T_khA3l22SLPNq0t9KKsl_3uUD7P1VkQbpQ4ofe1AsNp0fquictWDQpmprR2FZ3PL-oZdnz_afCmx5IJGiYdj3ZrkufktaKwhsJdjsDLmux0-aot/s640/blogger-image-1274555993.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTvO7gD-JzEytop48RncdAa4NDyajlKIvEtcN7QCtX7E1xPhp_3j6uR7c8tZP0aCK_IhhtPu94VzcgD5w2B4N-2jkMkTY7pHGG1CBMolj-5dI9Q9Jz15V4toUPx5BtEA1NbGm3skx8124S/s640/blogger-image--1377097248.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTvO7gD-JzEytop48RncdAa4NDyajlKIvEtcN7QCtX7E1xPhp_3j6uR7c8tZP0aCK_IhhtPu94VzcgD5w2B4N-2jkMkTY7pHGG1CBMolj-5dI9Q9Jz15V4toUPx5BtEA1NbGm3skx8124S/s640/blogger-image--1377097248.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVY5dWXnmsOndB2nNdqHW7YtKXpWwZ4gsV1ctBH_2YkS1GQvr_0wskEB-XM7esK2q77Rafol5JJwGREzxloF05gUpjFwog3f_jun_RrZUmL_iSSad_ObmR2QdwDzQE6r2D10I7Qnzp_tOL/s640/blogger-image-805027854.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVY5dWXnmsOndB2nNdqHW7YtKXpWwZ4gsV1ctBH_2YkS1GQvr_0wskEB-XM7esK2q77Rafol5JJwGREzxloF05gUpjFwog3f_jun_RrZUmL_iSSad_ObmR2QdwDzQE6r2D10I7Qnzp_tOL/s640/blogger-image-805027854.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>I have a lot of help from people here while Christian is crazy busy with work.</div><div><br></div><div>Christian called THAT morning to pay our first months payment with kaiser because it is new insurance and without that, I would not have had a medical record number and things could have gotten dicey. </div><div><br></div><div>There's so much more for sure! My brain just gets a little fuzzy and I am running out of steam over here. So yeah, there's my update. Pease pray that the infection goes away, that I don't go blind or have complications of having my brain so exposed, that Jesus provides for our bills, that the pain lessens, and whatever else is on your heart. Thank you everyone for walking through this with me. It's going to be a longer hike than I originally thought!</div></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-68784582440169807472014-05-07T14:50:00.001-07:002014-05-07T14:56:56.575-07:00A Cloud of WitnessesOkay, all you awesome people out there, I've got an update and a request.<div><br></div><div>Update first:</div><div>I had my appointment with my neurosurgeon and I am having surgery again. After my original surgery, there was a considerable amount of pain that my doctor did not feel was normal or good. We have tried every non-invasive plan that there is (because I do NOT want to do another surgery) and given it almost 6 months, but the pain is actually becoming increasingly worse with time instead of better. I had a CT done and it showed that at the surgery sight there is something metallic sticking out of the side of my head in at least two spots. Even my completely untrained eye could actually see the pieces of metal sticking about an eighth of an inch out of my skull on the scan. Basically what happened is this: there is a titanium mesh in the hole where my skull used to be that is covered with cement. As my scar tissue formed, it has pushed up the mesh out of place and that mesh is now sticking out of my head. And titanium mesh is sharp. So basically it is continuously cutting the inside of my head against my skull. Like, think splinter but then larger and made of metal. Yeah so since the pain is becoming so bad, my doctor has said it is time to take care of this because it will not resolve itself and needs to be dealt with. So he says surgery. Fun times. </div><div><br></div><div>Prayer needs?</div><div>Insurance and all of that jazz</div><div>Safe surgery and recovery</div><div>My poor family that has been functioning with half a mommy</div><div>That Jesus will get some crazy awesome glory from this time in the hospital and with the doctor. He and his medical assistant are so sweet and I just want to know what Jesus wants me to say to them in all of this. </div><div><br></div><div>Now here is my request of all of you:</div><div><br></div><div><b><i>Can you share your Jesus story with me?</i></b></div><div><br></div><div>I was thinking about Hebrews 12:1-2 and it talks about how because we have such a great cloud of witnesses surrounding us (the hall of faith-ers were just right before this), we have what we need to throw off every weight that hinders us and better run the race of faith that is before us. And that is so TRUE!!!! That's one of the amazing benefits of reading that book every single day! I can get all self focused and then I come across Hannah or Jospeh and I'm all whoa okay just kidding, I'll chill out and thank Jesus instead of all of this whining.</div><div><br></div><div><b>BUT</b></div><div><b>Then I thought about all of you...</b></div><div><br></div><div>Each of you has a beautiful story of Gods sovereign grace in your life. Some of you, I know the story. But not really. It's different to hear bits and pieces of the story as we live life together than it is to hear it written out as a story. <b>And I would LOVE to leaf through your stories as I lay in bed recovering from this surgery and seeking to find His face in this beautiful mess! </b>And even if I know it, I would like to read it again, be reminded of all that He has done. And if we haven't really talked about your story, let's fix that!? I would be so encouraged by that. I would love to just read through the stories and be reminded if how awesome of a God we serve. </div><div><br></div><div>So will you share with me your Jesus story? Will you be part of that great cloud of witnesses that spurs me on towards my finish line? Long and thought out, short and in a hurry, whatever you've got. Who you were before Christ's transformative power...who you are now...crazy awesome triumphs...beauty from the defeats that He works together for good...I want to read it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly, as it were. If you send me yours, I will do my best to send you mine back. You can email me at joleenslye@gmail.com and I'll try to return as fast as I can. </div><div><br></div><div>Thank you for the thoughts and prayers and the love and hopefully your stories. Thank you for walking through this with me!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKGBIWuho_YoX_89nDwAoP9ZxKH4-VktfESUFR3jItUkN8loATNgm4khvVc1-X8BOE8aK8FZ7gB6d4Hqu-ENt3NLWwMb2RvmwF9JCLTqXCU_lQH0ZzgjKsbE3YfMbFvQ1_r9JJAa6Liv47/s640/blogger-image--58443205.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKGBIWuho_YoX_89nDwAoP9ZxKH4-VktfESUFR3jItUkN8loATNgm4khvVc1-X8BOE8aK8FZ7gB6d4Hqu-ENt3NLWwMb2RvmwF9JCLTqXCU_lQH0ZzgjKsbE3YfMbFvQ1_r9JJAa6Liv47/s640/blogger-image--58443205.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Much love from Colorado!</div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-21043469162364241362014-05-02T14:05:00.001-07:002016-05-03T07:22:15.239-07:00Hardship and Adventure are not SynonymsI have been incredibly challenged today by John 16:33<div><br></div><div>"<b><i>In the world, YOU WILL HAVE TRIBULATION; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."</i></b></div><div><br></div><div>My daughter asked me today,</div><div>"Mommy why is God making you so sick all the time?"</div><div><br></div><div>Honestly it's a question that I can't believe she hasn't asked in the last nine months since things escalated so rapidly. I'm not sure how I have gotten out of having to answer it, and it made me look at myself and see that <i><b>even though I know the right answers to the question, maybe the dark places of my heart just weren't listening to the truth.</b></i></div><div><br></div><div>You know, like the disciples who would hear Jesus say I have to be betrayed and killed but I'll cruise over on the third day and we'll chill. He was saying, "It's all good; don't freak out." And then the disciples would ask about who is the greatest or something dumb. And then they tripped out when He died because it was a surprise to them.</div><div><br></div><div><b>They weren't listening even though they could hear. Like my kids when I say clean up your room. Or me when Jesus says He's got this cause He's Sovereign like that. </b></div><div><br></div><div>So my daughter and I began talking. A lot of times difficulties come just because we live in a fallen world and things here aren't perfect. Like I read in an Elizabeth Elliot book a couple of weeks ago</div><div><br></div><div>"Heaven is not here. It is there."</div><div><br></div><div>Like, duuUuuh, but still I need to be reminded. </div><div><br></div><div>We also talked about how even the difficulties in life can be beautiful places that Jesus in His wisdom and sovereignty allows because He promises to carry us through and because He sees what beauty He will bring from the proverbial ashes. </div><div><br></div><div>Isaiah 61:3</div><div>"He has sent Me to...</div><div><br></div><div><b><i>Give them beauty for ashes</i></b></div><div><br></div><div><b><i>The oil of joy for mourning,</i></b></div><div><br></div><div><b><i>The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness</i></b>;</div><div><br></div><div><i>That they may be called trees of righteousness,</i></div><div><i>The planting of The Lord,</i></div><div><i>That He may be glorified."</i></div><div><br></div><div>My daughter and I snuggled in my bed and talked about the things of beauty that we have already seen Him bring from this place of difficulty. And as I comforted her, I was so comforted myself. Jesus just wrapped His loving arms around us and spoke peace into the room. Abigail was no longer scared. <b>Like a trusting child, she does not need to know the details. She just needed to be reassured of the character of the God we serve. Oh how I long for my faith to be so beautiful someday as that little girls!</b></div><div><br></div><div>So today has been a lot of reflecting. Psalm 103 kicked my butt this morning. A crazy awesome reminder to "FORGET NOT all His benefits."</div><div><br></div><div>So there's been a lot of listing out of blessings. <i>My body still works enough to be at home and not in a hospital, my children are both well in mind and mostly well in body, I have been able to homeschool even if it is less excitingly fun for the kids, I have an amazing husband who loves Jesus and me enough to spend his days off cleaning our house and batch baking so I can easily reheat food that is safe for Seth to eat, I have a bible (like ten in fact) readily available to me for study any time I wish, I have an iPhone with podcasted bible studies for when my eyes aren't cooperating, I have a nice home with all of the amenities I need and even more, I have a neighborhood full of ministry that comes to my door even when I am sick so that I am not just rotting away in my chair in the corner.</i>....so so so much more but I am boring you by now.</div><div><br></div><div>But honestly, the difficulties have been very present in my mind as well. </div><div><br></div><div>My health kind of took a dive this week. Which, now that I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, actually makes sense. I guess it's called a flare up? All I know is that I can barely walk because I'm in so much pain. That on top of the intense pain in my head that still hasn't gone away and the chaos with my heart and yeah, things have just been frustratingly DIFFICULT. (Don't ever say I wasn't open and vulnerable with you, okay?)</div><div><br></div><div>I've spent more time than I want to describe to the internet on this chair in the corner of the living room. And I want out! I want to be done. I want a break from this! Vacation? </div><div><br></div><div>No matter how I pray though, Jesus keeps speaking the same words to me. I have something for you in this. Don't give up. It's always too early to give up. Tuck into the shadow of My wings even deeper. This is the secret place of My Presence where I will hide you (Psalm 91:1)</div><div><br></div><div>So I feel like every day I am walking in choices. My body aches so badly that I am literally in silent tears throughout the day. <b><i>But Jesus is bigger.</i></b> My son can't make one wrong food choice without curling in a ball on the floor in debilitating pain. <b><i>But this place of utter absolute dependence on Him for EVERYTHING is the place where He meets me! </i></b> Will I give that up? Will I trade that in? (Some days that question would have different answers. I'm glad He is in charge of keeping me where He needs me to be)</div><div><br></div><div>So it's been this battle in my mind. REMEMBER all His benefits. Thankfully the rest of Psalm 103 talks about His mercies for when I cheese out and don't remember. Cause I do in fact cheese out and forget. A lot.</div><div><br></div><div>And today as I was reading about a woman's first impressions of coming to Palestine just before the start of World War II, I had one of those lightbulb moments. She had been so focused on the freedom oh being in her homeland and away from Nazis that the barren wasteland of rifle fire and scorpions in your shoes was a shock. She had thought only of adventure when the Zionists had said "hardship."</div><div><br></div><div><b>So many of us hear the bible warn of hardship but instead we picture ADVENTURE, happily setting off as if this were a camping trip. Both ARE certain in this walk with Him, but I think we have confused the two! And the confusion has left us shell shocked when we walk into the battle. </b></div><div><br></div><div>We get all pumped to go experience the nitty gritty REAL Christian walk, knowing that Jesus promises tribulation in this life. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPlKUaJUxy7eDEd1v3790TZ8waPznClAhHtvy6pdvNwrz-zS5DjA5a1vilBdklaCS5i1gc7x3DnKIwhRuc-LXDyyBHtyaLQOeOr59N8avO6G36WLNGzJ-n50kvCrB_3F26gZxfi8FbHM-X/s640/blogger-image--723779940.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPlKUaJUxy7eDEd1v3790TZ8waPznClAhHtvy6pdvNwrz-zS5DjA5a1vilBdklaCS5i1gc7x3DnKIwhRuc-LXDyyBHtyaLQOeOr59N8avO6G36WLNGzJ-n50kvCrB_3F26gZxfi8FbHM-X/s640/blogger-image--723779940.jpg"></a></div><br></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><b>But when the trail turns out to be less like the Jungle Cruise at Disneyland and a little more like a battle ground in the dark, we get thrown. We're like whoa, forget this I'm out!</b></div><div><br></div><div>I think when we stop confusing hardship and adventure then we will become more ready for BOTH. Life is a crazy beautiful adventure with Jesus FOR SURE. But like Peter said,</div><div><br></div><div>"Beloved do not think it strange concerning the FIERY TRIAL which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you...."</div><div><br></div><div>Fiery trial doesn't sound like "hey here's a little inconvenience for you". Most of us are amped and ready for a fiery <i>inconvenience</i>, let's be honest. </div><div><b><br></b></div><div><b>Fiery trial sounds painful and difficult and REFINING. </b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div>Hardship and adventure are not synonyms, and that's okay. It's okay that hardship is actually hard. Jesus knows our frame, that we are dust. So just be aware that hardship stinks but it's good and then we can let Him infuse beauty into the melody of suffering. </div><div><br></div><div>I know for me, that is what this has been. Each of us has different things to go through. My health struggles, yeah they're like cake for a ton of you out there going through intense stuff. But no matter what our trial is, we need to maybe get some perspective. </div><div><br></div><div><b><i> This isn't a pleasure cruise through the Carribean. This is war. This is life. This is real. Pack your bags with weapons for protection and with instruments for celebration! Both will happen! </i></b></div><div><br></div><div>And if we can stop confusing tribulation with adventure I think we will all be so much more prepared for what comes and ready to worship regardless of the circumstance. </div><div><br></div><div>And I want to worship regardless of the circumstance. Because He is so very worthy. </div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-19161332293529030122014-04-16T11:50:00.001-07:002014-04-16T11:51:23.712-07:00From Strength to Strength<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>I know it has been a while since I last posted. Things have been going about the same and I have just been curling into the folds of the robe of our great God and Savior as we weather out this storm. <b><i>And I've been a whiney-pants</i></b>, and who really wants to hear all of that all the time right? Well thankfully Jesus wants to hear all of my whining so He can turn my gaze upward and fill me with hope. I am so grateful that He is a caring loving God.<div><br></div><div>This month, I have been just plain overwhelmed. I'm still healing at the speed of snail over here. Slow and steady wins the race though, right? But with that comes the daily pain that I'm not sure I remember how to live without. And for reals it is a lot of pain most days. And that pain has been a struggle to work through for me. I've been struggling with the "how comes" and the "whys" that go along with it. Why can't I get better? Why can't I play with my kids and do the things that I love to do? Why can't I just sit without my head feeling like there's a light saber sticking through it (<i>can you tell my kids love Star Wars a little too much</i>). But for reals. And then it's one thing after another. Seth got so sick. He's not just allergic to a billion things, but we have been in and out of the doctors offices and pediatric gastroenterologists and immunologists and the kids is a mess. Daily debilitating GI issues. Every meal I make is crazy complicated. And he has borderline rheumatoid arthritis. </div><div><br></div><div>ARTHRITIS. </div><div><br></div><div>At age seven. It's an autoimmune version of arthritis which his doctor says makes sense because he has my same genetic defect that makes it very difficult to clear away inflammation and that is a recipe for autoimmune disorders of all kinds. And me? Well, I'm a hot mess myself. My biggest concern right now is that there is a very good chance that they will have to redo at least part of my skull surgery. I have until next month to try to improve, but basically the scar tissue has formed weirdly and is pushing one of the four screws in my head out. Like you can feel the screw sticking out of my head. It's crazy. And painful. And eventually it will break through the skin. (<i>I've got a screw loose....HAHAHAHA!</i>) so anyway, fun times. </div><div><br></div><div>And as these things have come up, I've just felt like a surfer caught in the impact zone. I just get a breath and I'm pummeled down again under the surface for some more spin cycle in the washing machine that the ocean has turned into. <b><i>I've felt a bit starved for air.</i></b> And as I prayed, the Lord clearly showed me that </div><div><br></div><div><b>WHAT I WAS REALLY STARVING FOR WAS HOPE.</b></div><div><br></div><div>Not necessarily hope that one day Seth and I won't hurt anymore. Although that's what I thought I needed. But in that quiet place he whispered to me that what I really needed was HOPE...</div><div><br></div><div>HOPE in His grace</div><div><br></div><div>HOPE in his mercy</div><div><br></div><div>HOPE in His promise to return</div><div><br></div><div>HOPE in His promise to work all things together for good</div><div><br></div><div>HOPE that this life might include pain but that it is never pain without purpose </div><div><br></div><div>HOPE that this place of pain can be our secret meeting place where he will keep whispering beauty into my life</div><div><br></div><div>HOPE in his beautiful crazy awesome bomb character!</div><div><br></div><div>HOPE IN HIM</div><div><br></div><div>And I sat there and begged Him to give that hope that I didn't realize I even need apart from Him, He has handed it to me. Nothing is really better. When I left the house this morning to study for women's Bible study, Seth was doubled over in stomach pain. His joints hurt today really bad. My head has hurt worse the past two days than it has in over a month. </div><div><br></div><div>BUT I HAVE HOPE!</div><div><br></div><div>And it just reminds me of what my friend was sharing with me this week. Psalm 84 is such a bomb Psalm. Like go now. Read it. For reals. Go. Then come back. It's worth the read. The whole thing blows me away every time. It is honestly one of my absolute favorite places in all of Scripture. But verses 5-7 are what have rocked my world through my friend. It talks about going through valleys of weeping but verse 7 says</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTucTwEZbWD1kiQi9r7AAO2UZvokWErBMils03DMlUPf6-mCZeFn3yGDt-GcYxuUxSpVGXTngqH53dqc8MDRYEzLIyTTUBvjrt4rY-7NYtDwSV5ewvh-lB21eS9XzJ-jk8ojqdSjXu3IeL/s640/blogger-image--2018996157.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTucTwEZbWD1kiQi9r7AAO2UZvokWErBMils03DMlUPf6-mCZeFn3yGDt-GcYxuUxSpVGXTngqH53dqc8MDRYEzLIyTTUBvjrt4rY-7NYtDwSV5ewvh-lB21eS9XzJ-jk8ojqdSjXu3IeL/s640/blogger-image--2018996157.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><b><i>"...they go from strength to strength..."</i></b></div><div><br></div><div>And my friend challenged me in that. We WILL have valleys and mountain top experiences. We know this is true in the Christian walk, right? But we have a choice:</div><div><br></div><div>Do we:</div><div>Go from sorrow to sorrow, from valley to valley, is our focus our difficulties to difficulties?</div><div><br></div><div>OR</div><div><br></div><div><b><i>Do we go from strength to strength?</i></b></div><div><br></div><div>And I was blown away. Whoa. That is my problem! When I end up on a mountain top I expect to stay on that mountain top. I expect to live there and never have a valley season. And when I walk through the valley of the SHADOW of death (<i>and I forget it's only a shadow...death can't touch me</i>), I get all wimpy and whiney and feel like I will never again see a mountain top. Am I the only one that does this? Hook a sister up with some honesty here please so I know I'm not alone!</div><div><br></div><div>BUT what if we choose to look at the way the Lord has designed the Christian walk to look like and accept the mountain tops AND the valleys? <b><i>What if we CHOOSE to say that the mountain tops, the strength seasons, are our home? What if we stop making our home in the valleys of weeping and see it as a step towards His face?</i></b></div><div><br></div><div><b>WHAT IF WE GO FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH?!?</b></div><div><br></div><div><i>From beauty to beauty</i></div><div><br></div><div><i>From whispers of grace to whispers of love</i></div><div><br></div><div>What if we make our home base His strength, His love, His face? Then we won't be thrown when the circumstances rock us. Like our sweet Savior in the bottom of the boat, we can rest in the storms of life knowing that He will bring us through to the other side. </div><div><br></div><div>Let's go from strength to strength and see His face and find His hope! </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>P.s. Thank you so much to each of you that have prayed for us and texted me and messages me and just shown so much love. Your encouragement has meant so much more to me than you will ever know this side of heaven. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><br></div><br></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxgSGg2gCxMn7uN6haUB_5obHd66LK7IUbPN5rtUx7OBmFgNWzz2fgF6DVhf6VYQ750Q_OVr5f0O5eoSkIAJA1UmyfQhnSb6Ss95P56h4ePc8x-Td35mXUAng1bW-vZ0v4214bEQu16j5r/s640/blogger-image-1208185121.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxgSGg2gCxMn7uN6haUB_5obHd66LK7IUbPN5rtUx7OBmFgNWzz2fgF6DVhf6VYQ750Q_OVr5f0O5eoSkIAJA1UmyfQhnSb6Ss95P56h4ePc8x-Td35mXUAng1bW-vZ0v4214bEQu16j5r/s640/blogger-image-1208185121.jpg"></a></div><br></div><br></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-26461910422586125542014-03-16T07:49:00.001-07:002014-03-16T08:07:37.802-07:00He Will Meet MeWell this week has been a roller coaster for sure. Things have gotten a bit gnarly around here with our health and it's been just plain DIFFICULT. Sorry for the downer of a beginning but I promise it gets better. Stick with me for a minute okay? <div><br></div><div>So, more research while I'm waiting for my follow up with the immunologist has shown that this genetic mutation is kind of a big deal. I have two separate ones that are both doing different damage and I can't really do much about it. I can take supplements to boost my antioxidants but really the issue is that my body doesn't clear away inflammation as it should. It also doesn't clear my body of toxins the way it should. Oh and I can't process chemicals in my body like serotonin and dopamine and all kinds of other stuff. And this is on the cellular level. Every single cell in my entire body has this problem wired in to it. Then there's all the horrific stuff that happens as you get older if you have this defect: Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, MS, pulmonary embolisms, blah blah, blah. Really it's so uplifting to read about. I'm at this place where I am taking a break from looking further into it though. I need a break from trying to figure things out. If I really believe God is in control, then I should be able to step away from this for a few days. </div><div><br></div><div>Seth has also taken a turn for the worse in his health. He's always been a bit like me, first to get sick, stay sick longer, intolerant of certain foods. Well, his IBS is crazy acting up this week. We had taken him to get tested for true food allergies a couple of weeks ago and they called me Friday to say that they couldn't discuss it over the phone but to absolutely stay away from CARROTS (yes I said carrots. Weird right?) and fish and peanuts and tomatoes and tree nuts and limit gluten. And she said the rest of the foods we could talk about when we come in. Well, considering that I had JUST given him a giant carrot juice the day before and a bunch of carrot sticks ( they're his favorite vegetable) and then followed that up with trail mix, it was now not surprising that he had a tummy ache and threw up that night. Well, pray for him because he has had a rough few days. He hasn't been able to eat much but it's not the flu because no one else is sick and he has no other symptoms and it started directly after the high contact with those foods he is crazy allergic to. Sigh. </div><div><br></div><div>So, the last few days, I have literally just been crying and trying to get a glimpse of the face of my Jesus. Because intellectually, I know the right answers. In fact, I've given myself strong biblical counseling all week! But honestly, it has felt hollow. I'm not trying to be disrespectful to my awesome Jesus here, because He rocks. But MY heart was off. And I could feel it. </div><div><br></div><div>It felt so much like when I was wandering through post parthum depression and I would read my Bible and pray but the fog and the haze just wasn't lifting. Like, <b>I was standing there with my staff ready to part the Red Sea of depression!</b> <i>and it was just staying a regular old sea. </i> And I couldn't figure out why my faith wasn't enough to get the job done. I'm not saying these are good things to think, just being honest about the deep places of my heart. But as the weeks went by, He did the lifting. He did the miracle. Not in my timing but in HIS. And He pulled me up out of there!</div><div><br></div><div>Yesterday I reached that breaking point of "I can't handle all of this!" Everything I feed Seth hurts him and he just cries. And I don't even have a full list of things he can eat. He's lost weight noticeably in the last few days. I know I also have some major allergies that they won't be able to give me the details about until APRIL 9TH. APRIL 9TH!!! That's three weeks away! And eating foods I'm allergic to causes inflammation in my body and my body can't clear it so it just does more damage and it's just this cycle of frustration. My head feels awful still because my body has trouble healing. It just always will. And so, in a fog of frustration I just gave up yesterday and cried. </div><div><br></div><div>Why don't I get to the giving up point FASTER!?!?!</div><div><br></div><div>But you know what? THERE WASNT ANY RED SEA-PARTING GOING ON!!!</div><div><br></div><div>I reached the end of me. I gave up. And I did not feel better. The fog did not lift. I didn't suddenly feel giddy about Gods promises for me. </div><div><br></div><div>But I did find the strength to keep hanging on. Like we read this morning if you're in the one year bible, simeon was chillin WAITING for the promise that God had given.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqih_q-ToU9btLiT54BNg5bHUXu7b9xwhr07q_0ZIdFzXz4LJSxcCv_dLI_KxIisEmGfcwN0rBm-BOAjO0KsNKYBz5o_Ega4o_Tt1Yn620KeGFxYLwcXg_DDbuz-9hoGzIDWUEQkTb3uaD/s640/blogger-image--1386939825.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqih_q-ToU9btLiT54BNg5bHUXu7b9xwhr07q_0ZIdFzXz4LJSxcCv_dLI_KxIisEmGfcwN0rBm-BOAjO0KsNKYBz5o_Ega4o_Tt1Yn620KeGFxYLwcXg_DDbuz-9hoGzIDWUEQkTb3uaD/s640/blogger-image--1386939825.jpg"></a></div><br></div><br></div><div><br></div><div> Just because he obeyed well and was waiting doesn't mean God was all "here, let's just do this now since you've been so good." <b>No way!!! </b>God had a perfect time table and Simeon was just waiting to meet the Lord...in HIS TIMING.</div><div><br></div><div>We have to retrain our minds. It's not that if we do enough of the good stuff God says to do, then He will come and make things right. No. He has a plan to make all things right, but it is independent from our works. So why continue to do the good things? Because it keeps us close to his presence in the waiting. I just think of Simeon...would God have kept his promise to let him see the Christ child before his death if he hadn't been in the temple waiting? I believe the answer is yes. God would've tracked Simeon down to keep his promise. BUT, as Simeon chose to wait in the temple, he got the BLESSING OF THE PRESENCE OF GOD WHILE HE WAITED FOR THE PROMISES OF GOD TO COME AND MEET HIM.</div><div><br></div><div>And I felt like Jesus met <i>me</i> this morning too. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPGAjkJXD54J8pVQOM9dlNFiGwnPalFBnVpZrmTNIokyS6sfWHLMa4GW0TaOpg21XIC8l9ouAff_IwteIw-iaZAt5_Tx_xZLIUMgytUNgrhraH5BV-Nsi7oPBTMLs7PpKMqdZHHYvp0lFJ/s640/blogger-image--1673239527.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPGAjkJXD54J8pVQOM9dlNFiGwnPalFBnVpZrmTNIokyS6sfWHLMa4GW0TaOpg21XIC8l9ouAff_IwteIw-iaZAt5_Tx_xZLIUMgytUNgrhraH5BV-Nsi7oPBTMLs7PpKMqdZHHYvp0lFJ/s640/blogger-image--1673239527.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b><i>This just jumped off of the page and began to sing a melody into my soul that I've been straining to hear for weeks!</i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">He is my strength. <b>My God of mercy SHALL COME TO MEET ME. </b> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">That's the very thing He promised at the beginning of all of this surgery nonsense, before I even knew how messed up my body really was. AND HE IS REMINDING ME THAT HE KEEPS HIS PROMISES!!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Do I wish that it was never a struggle to get up and crack open the most awesome love letter ever written to mankind? Of course! But sometimes it is. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b>And here's my point to all of this:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"> I am finding that, just like in that season of post parthum depression, <b><i>this season isn't going to just lift if I say some magic prayers and do enough right things. Although the good things are good to do, He has a plan I cannot even begin to understand. Doing what is right does not earn me the right to a faster healing!</i></b></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b><i><br></i></b></div><div><b>But there's something even better. Like with Simeon, as we tarry in His presence, we will find that He comes to meet US!</b></div><div><br></div><div>He meets us with</div><div><br></div><div>MERCY</div><div>LOVE</div><div>NEW LIFE</div><div>COMPASSION</div><div>HOPE</div><div>STRENGTH</div><div>COURAGE</div><div>GRACE</div><div>UNDERSTANDING of His character and nature</div><div>Soaring on wings like eagles</div><div>NEW PERSPECTIVE</div><div><br></div><div>And so much more.</div><div><br></div><div>So don't lose heart! DONT GIVE UP! Don't ever think that it is pointless to keep moving forward. Don't grow weary in well doing for you WILL reap a reward at the RIGHT time (Galatians 6:9). Keep seeking His face. Keep placing yourself in His presence like Simeon. Like the children of Israel in 2 chronicles 20, walk out to the battle with the worship out front and watch HIM DEFEAT YOUR ENEMIES. What are our enemies? Well one is very obvious but what about self-doubt? Insecurity? Fear of the unknown? Fear of doing something that might not work? Whatever you're facing, I promise you that </div><div><br></div><div>HE SHALL COME TO MEET YOU!</div><div><br></div><div>He met me this morning. Nothing is better. Seth won't get out of bed and I'm praying about how to handle that. My head is some serious pain. The rest of my heart problems and other weird symptoms are still there.</div><div><br></div><div><b><i>But my heart...</i></b>oh my heart is so encouraged. Like a warrior after hearing his general give a rousing speech (I have in my mind the battle from The Lord of the Rings when the one dude is talking outside of the gate to Mordor and he's all, "this is not that day!"....sorry, I'm a bit of a nerd, but not enough of a nerd to remember names) I feel like roaring back and lifting my sword in allegiance. Like a little hobbit who can't do much of anything in a huge battle, <b><i>I am lifting my sword and roaring with the army of heaven and I feel ready for Him to do the battle that He is ready to win. </i></b></div><div><b><i><br></i></b></div><div><div class="separator" style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK32SeL_TxdQPmPcQ_pbpR3U1aHdwH5YN2qsK9WWfhJMUgPcnnPr4H34q9xSNVBjq0rFD_5AklFeDjNn5XFDZrQ9N83kdX6gbx98bi1HujD0hw6B8pbCrmVxY2REV4C3h_yqPaIeyUmS6e/s640/blogger-image-95133909.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK32SeL_TxdQPmPcQ_pbpR3U1aHdwH5YN2qsK9WWfhJMUgPcnnPr4H34q9xSNVBjq0rFD_5AklFeDjNn5XFDZrQ9N83kdX6gbx98bi1HujD0hw6B8pbCrmVxY2REV4C3h_yqPaIeyUmS6e/s640/blogger-image-95133909.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Ps. I can't wait for this little goober to feel better again! Pray for him okay? Thanks for hanging in there with me!</div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-52461148395847974032014-03-08T16:36:00.001-08:002014-03-08T16:36:05.884-08:00Praise sets out firstOh numbers 9 and 10 are kicking my behind! So much good stuff! But today is an afternoon of sunshine and beautiful babes that fly and skip across my yard so I will be brief.<br />
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Numbers 10:14....okay so the Lord has been speaking to my heart about how He leads and how we have to watch and wait for Him. When the cloud lifts up,we have to move. If it's lingers long, we have to stay put. Even if it lingers long and we want to move on already (that one hit home hard core) we wait for Him to move. And if He says to move even if it's been a short time, then get up already! There's awesomeness to watch Him do!</div>
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Then this morning, this beautiful word. <b><i>When the camp packs up, it's the tribe of Judah that packs up first. </i></b>It goes Judah, then the tabernacle,then the rest. Why Judah first? Then it hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks:</div>
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Judah means praise. </div>
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<b><i>PRAISE SETS OUT FIRST</i></b></div>
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When the presence of the Lord says it's time to move into a new beautiful work (or another beautiful but difficult work) the first thing we are to do is set out our PRAISE. </div>
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I don't know about anyone else but that was a beautiful word for me and so today He brought me to some awesome songs of encouragement and challenge and I sat outside in the sunshine while my kids played and listened to worship music and just enjoyed Jesus. It's been great. My head is killing me and my bathrooms are dirty and my laundry is undone but </div>
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<b><i>Praise sets out first,</i></b></div>
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Even when you're just setting out into healing, praise sets out first. There's a few songs I've had on repeat because they just reverberate with truth in my dusty soul and this is one of them:</div>
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<a href="http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_JXmKO9Mdbk">http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_JXmKO9Mdbk</a></div>
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Here are the lyrics:</div>
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<em style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); box-sizing: border-box;">The Becoming </em></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">After the destruction<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />In the wake of every storm<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />The sun reveals the suffering<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And all I’ve known is gone<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Well I can take the rising waves<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />But when I’m washed up on the shore<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Feeling just like driftwood<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And nothing makes sense anymore</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Jesus meet me<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Be everything I need<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />In the waiting<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />In the in between<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Jesus, hold me<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And keep me from running<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Cause I don’t want to miss<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />The beauty of becoming</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Something new is growing<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I can feel it come alive<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />In the dead of winter<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Spring is on the other side</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Jesus meet me<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Be everything I need<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />In the waiting<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />In the in between<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Jesus, hold me<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Keep me from running<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Cause I don’t want to miss<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />The beauty of becoming</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><i>Give me beauty in the ashes of this pain<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Give me water in the wasteland, let it rain<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />As I wonder, in the darkness, be my guide<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Oh Creator Oh Redeemer bring new life</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Jesus meet me<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Be everything I need<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />In the waiting<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />In the in between<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Jesus, hold me<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Keep me from running<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Cause I don’t want to miss<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />The beauty of becoming</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- See more at: http://www.jennysimmons.com/2012/12/19/listen-to-the-title-track-the-becoming/#sthash.t4tulb0B.dpuf</span><br />
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So just in case anyone is wondering what's going on in my heart, there ya go. My heart is crying out for him to keep me from missing anything beautiful from this painful season.</div>
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But I was thinking about how much easier this season has been than others in my life. It's easy when you have a tumor eating through your skull and threatening your brain to share with others your pain and to ask for help and for prayer. And because of that I have more support than when things were hard with a family member or a friend or someone from church that was awful to you. I have more support than when my marriage is struggling and I want to ask for prayer but I don't want anyone to judge me. </div>
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<b>THAT IS LAMESAUCE. </b></div>
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I need you guys, and we all need each other. So I am begging you to tell me when you need prayer. </div>
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When you want your life to slow down enough to just sit at His feet and worship Him..</div>
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When you're overwhelmed at the expectations society has on women and people in general..</div>
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When you love your husband but aren't sure you like him..</div>
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When you love your kids but you're tired of wiping snot..</div>
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When you love your church but hate going because <i>she's</i> there..</div>
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When that person in ministry hurts you..</div>
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When your job stinks..</div>
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When you just plain for no good reason feel ALONE..</div>
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Text me, call me, message me, something! Just because it's not a hole in your head doesn't mean that I don't want to pray for you! </div>
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We are all in the process of BECOMING and we need Jesus to be everything we need. Let's be there for each other okay? <b><i>We don't want to miss the beauty. </i></b></div>
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Ps. This is a tiny bit of the beauty I saw today...my kiddos crack me up. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUzax6Qq8EOoGBYLo7e0YTFHrL56JLdiqKIg6NT5U19F3JXGF6vHn6DHf7CqAV-eGm1xCKdCN79lrPa8e8MUiX29117n9QStHvLby590QulwBWAGYx3LzLuWDalzMhxmInIovIxGPmzQgV/s640/blogger-image--793533941.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUzax6Qq8EOoGBYLo7e0YTFHrL56JLdiqKIg6NT5U19F3JXGF6vHn6DHf7CqAV-eGm1xCKdCN79lrPa8e8MUiX29117n9QStHvLby590QulwBWAGYx3LzLuWDalzMhxmInIovIxGPmzQgV/s640/blogger-image--793533941.jpg" /></a></div>
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Seth declared our front rocks to be his swimming pool and proceeded to cannon ball into it and "swim" all afternoon. I love that kid!</div>
joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-50305786117886032022014-03-04T12:13:00.001-08:002014-03-04T12:13:37.884-08:00Even Though...<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Psalm 46 was just such a beautiful balm to my soul this morning. Don't you love how God's word has the power to do that?</span><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">As I read, it just echoed into the deepest parts of my fears and hurts and anxieties and insecurities. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><i>Even though...</i></b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><i><br></i></b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><i><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlZc_nH13fmDgE2UNc37Q2Uk770KWRTmIdUoHoCXI3A8P6Dr86Howyvp8_IZqElEbyPlGytfAlSyP5Yc_Ib6OYm6ly-em32YX2FjP55PS4NvvsDVr2fbAlfZF_lixHBNYiDRQZCdS94jBw/s640/blogger-image-303699667.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlZc_nH13fmDgE2UNc37Q2Uk770KWRTmIdUoHoCXI3A8P6Dr86Howyvp8_IZqElEbyPlGytfAlSyP5Yc_Ib6OYm6ly-em32YX2FjP55PS4NvvsDVr2fbAlfZF_lixHBNYiDRQZCdS94jBw/s640/blogger-image-303699667.jpg"></a></div><br></i></b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i>Even though</i> my head has a huge hole in it; </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i>even though</i> this has been the second loneliest season of my life since I came to know Jesus; </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i>even though</i> my head is getting worse and not better and I may need to have the surgery redone; </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i>even though</i> my heart aches for the family and friends that I have scattered across the country; </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i>even though</i> there are heart aches and bruised emotions and difficulties that seem to try to sweep me away in the flow of uncertainty...</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><i>I will not fear.</i></b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">It is a CHOICE. I get the choice to say <b>even though</b> these crazy things are happening, I will not fear. Why? Because</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> <b><i>GOD IS MY REFUGE, STRENGTH, AND HELP</i></b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Even though things get gnarly, I'm okay because the Lord is on my side and He is so very good to me. He promises </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">strength when I am weak, </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">beauty when I am ugly, </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">gladness when my soul wants so desperately to mourn. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I just have to look up from my circumstances and choose to see his face, choose to see his blessings. Because they are there. I read an article the other day saying that we as Christians shouldn't use the term "I'm blessed," in response to the beautiful things going on in life because then we are saying that if life isn't beautiful then we aren't blessed. But that isn't true! <i>I am blessed if things are good and I am blessed if He counts me worthy to suffer for his name sake. </i> Every single day is a gift, a blessing from His throne that I get the privilege to pick up and enjoy.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">To be honest, there are days where I choose instead to pick up self-pity or weariness or I'm-just-so-over-this-ness. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But He is teaching me, slow and steady, to chill and trust and find the beauty in the day. <b><i>And there is so much beauty in the everyday! </i></b></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The kids have been awesome. Homeschool has been taxing but so fabulous! I really missed getting to be so involved with them for two months of their school year! Abigail is taking a standardized test as we speak at the elementary school near us which is crazy but also awesome. Pray for her okay? She is so nervous just because it's such a big test and she's out of her comfort zone. She tests all this week. But anyway, life at home has been so sweet.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Church is also fantastic. We have such a sweet group of people that care about each other and want to serve and love and worship Jesus and it is just so sweet to see them gather. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My health? My head? My heart? Well, here's that update I promised. It gets a bit confusing so I have to be long winded so I am not offended if this is the part of the post where you jump ship. But just so that it's all written down in a clear manner, here goes nothing.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My head is not better. I am still in a lot of pain and there are two different kinds of pain. We saw my neurosurgeon and he thinks that there are two possibilities of what is wrong. Both require another surgery. One surgery would be to clean up scar tissue that is most likely pushing the wire mesh or a screw up out of my skull. That will eventually need surgery because it is causing lumps in the skull that are pushing out and will break through the skin. The other issue is that I am just plain in a ton of pain if I don't take any medicine. After describing it to him, he thinks that there's a good chance that the material they put in there to reconstruct my skull with is irritating the leathery protective layer of my brain. So the only way to fix that is to reopen to skull, drill everything out and try again with another material. There is also the slight chance that because of my heart problems, I'm just healing slower than normal people. Let's all pray for that option, okay? He gave me another month to make improvement. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">As far as my heart, I have four more tests next week but the general consensus is that my heart problems are contributing to all of my issues but they aren't the underlying cause of them. Which is good and it's also bad because I'm still dealing with crazy shortness of breath and heart craziness and dizziness and numbness and all kinds of stuff. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">However, Jesus led us to an immunologist (awesome God story there) and we have heard back from the testing they ran. Turns out I'm genetically mutated! Haha! Okay so here's what they told us.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">1. I am super crazy low on B-12 vitamin. Like less than half of what I should be. The low b vitamin all by itself can cause severe fatigue so that's part of an answer. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">2. Since I eat pretty crazy healthy, the fact that I'm deficient in B vitamins is a sign that I have Leaky Gut Syndrome. That basically means my body is up taking things before it should so I can't get the nutrition from my food that I need and also gives me the potential to uptake bad stuff into my bloodstream which causes other issues. He is going to give me vitamin b shots and then check my levels again in six weeks and then address the leaky gut thing at that time.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">3. I have a gnarly allergy. I took a skin test and came up clear but my blood draw came back very positive. Like my levels should have been a 40 IgE and instead they were 460. So I have a hidden allergy somewhere that could definitely be the cause of my heart palpitations and breathing trouble. So they're doing a deeper testing for that, but that's also a partial answer. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">4. I have two genetic mutations that are affecting the way my body deals with inflammation. Which in a nutshell means that when my body has an issue and calls for some T-cells to come hook it up with a bit of inflammation, my body goes crazy overboard and gets way TOO inflamed. So you and I both get a head cold and you get the cold and I get a sinus infection and a double ear infection that won't go away for a month no matter what I do. That actually makes a ton of sense because I've dealt with that my whole life. It's also way random so if I my body calls for inflammation in my wrist, my body will send a whole bunch of inflammation wherever it wants to, like in my knee. So of that could be a possible partial answer too. That one however is not fixable. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So we are looking into the leaky gut and allergen thing because that will really help things and I'm going to take some supplements for the t-cell thing and just try to get back to life. Because it looks like life just may move slower for me than it used to. And that's okay. There is beauty in that too. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Even though I am genetically mutated and deficient and leaky, </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">even though my life may always be different, </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">even though I may have to repeat this gnarly surgery, </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">even though the whole world seems to be coming apart at the edges (like geopolitically, not personally, cause my life way rocks)</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I WILL NOT FEAR </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I choose to trust, apart from feelings. And you know what? I've had more peace in that choice than I have in the last month. Nothing has changed except the direction of my gaze. I've got that Dominic Balli song in my head</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> "Keep my heart humble, kept my gaze high.."</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">That's the cry of my heart. Lord keep me humble and eyes turned toward the face of my Savior who is coming back for me but is also dwelling with me, my Immanuel. What a sweet God He is to come and dwell with me in my muck and mire and pull me up and clothe me with His righteousness and peace and mercy and grace and LOVE! Ah! It's so overwhelmingly beautiful!</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So let's look at the difficulties in life and say together with excitement "Even though....!" </span></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-82310125190181759552014-02-25T07:41:00.001-08:002014-02-25T07:41:01.120-08:00Psalm 41:3<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfsx8o3gf4WwJS04E_hSojwLtgiSepsl_oIljHO1Bk8ouxvGQvtL38m0uhgDhUPm5xPghzXJF81KRo_cM8ucG8KfZxQpmjsFh0hyphenhyphenXDbLdMCn19R2dQPEG3wNG15s6aschpmkmyeut8DbVg/s640/blogger-image-671427495.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfsx8o3gf4WwJS04E_hSojwLtgiSepsl_oIljHO1Bk8ouxvGQvtL38m0uhgDhUPm5xPghzXJF81KRo_cM8ucG8KfZxQpmjsFh0hyphenhyphenXDbLdMCn19R2dQPEG3wNG15s6aschpmkmyeut8DbVg/s640/blogger-image-671427495.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">This one is a special one for me right now. </p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><b><i>I love how it is the Lord that does the strengthening! </i></b></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">I cannot muster up enough strength or gitter-done-ness. He is the only One with the power to strengthen me. </p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">But his awesome undeniable sovereignty is balanced by my responsibility to stay put on that sick bed. Don't get up before He is done doing what He wants to do! </p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">Before this last couple of months, I wouldn't have understood that. No one just chooses to get up from a sick bed right? Well, if we're not too sick, we can. Hello dayQuill. But even if we are too sick too roll off of that sick bed, to squirm out of the crucible of learning to know His face more, <i>we can choose to check out. To whine. To spend every second wishing it was done! </i></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><b><i>But as we settle in to the bed, as we stop fighting the sickness, it is then that we feel His arms, know the sound of His breath, feel the comfort of His song of love sung over us.</i></b> Oh how I wish I was done with all of this. But I'm not. And the Lord is sweet enough to remind me to press in to Him and stop whining. I really am praying that I will GET it!</p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">Ps. I have a few more doctors appointments this week so I promise I'll give an update soon on things in the health department of my life. Thank you so much for praying for me!</p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;">P.p.s. The kids are total troopers! They've been so great during all of this. They find things to do when I feel badly and I love that we get to do all of this together. And I am so thankful it is ME that is sick and not them. God is so good!</p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"><br></p><p style="margin: 0px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Helvetica;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIMsaW8q82fOJ6rUlbpoq0N7l3bcns38uxD972Aq_-2qutmxojQgn3e-Or86VJLxV9eJbiVVnmae5wmmZKhAtC43H0KGJMi1hoztqC3SxF3Ne0601Sbomcs4w_LhNKhBmGjaoK7lBvTFgM/s640/blogger-image--1871859702.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIMsaW8q82fOJ6rUlbpoq0N7l3bcns38uxD972Aq_-2qutmxojQgn3e-Or86VJLxV9eJbiVVnmae5wmmZKhAtC43H0KGJMi1hoztqC3SxF3Ne0601Sbomcs4w_LhNKhBmGjaoK7lBvTFgM/s640/blogger-image--1871859702.jpg"></a></div><br><p></p></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-78889633616255337162014-01-18T11:26:00.001-08:002014-01-18T11:26:41.075-08:00Promises from the Bottom of the PitSo it has been three weeks since surgery. So many things have gone well. Thank you to everyone who has prayed and walked this with me. My surgeon rocks and they got all of the tumor out and there hasn't been any infection and people have been so kind to us.<div><br></div><div><b>But this isn't a sunshine and rainbows post. </b> Sorry about that.</div><div><br></div><div>The the last three weeks have stunk. Well, the first two weren't too bad. Healing was going normal and pain meds are expected and originally the surgeon said I would be back around 60% normal by four weeks so I was looking forward to that.</div><div><br></div><div>Well, one of the first things he told Christian after telling him everything went okay was to not expect a quick recovery like we originally thought. The tumor was 2.5 cm large. Not too shabby as far as things go. But when he got in there I guess the bone surrounding it was deformed as well and he had to take 4 cm instead. Oh you know just almost twice as much. No biggie. Well, I guess it's a biggie because they had to cut different/more muscles and there's just plain a bigger hole in the back of my head (don't worry they filled it in with cement...now I can be like Charlie Brown and be a real block head haha). </div><div><br></div><div>So anyway, this recovery has not been the pretty easy recovery that we originally thought. Yes, I knew it would hurt and be confining, but I thought it would be beginning to lift by now. My doctor gave me a prescription for NINE more weeks of pain meds. Nine. Like, I might need that. And he said to let him know if I need more. He flat out said he has no idea how long this will take to be healed. Um yeah, I don't think so buddy. I don't even take tylenol when I have a headache! </div><div><br></div><div>So I decided yesterday that I was done with the meds and all the dumb side effects (there are a trillion and I have half of them). Yeah that went well. I was a ball of crying goo on my bed until Christian made me take more medicine. He's a good man, that Christian Slye. So we are going to go down to half pills and hope I can grin and bear it. Those stairs in my house though, whoo boy! Those are tough are though man. I've always loved living in a two story house cause it makes my legs look good (vain moment) but these days not so much. </div><div><br></div><div>Sorry for the bummer of a post but I owe you guys an update and I am not going to lie to your cute cyber faces. This stinks. </div><div>I am still thankful that my babies are well and healthy. </div><div>I am still thankful for friends and for family and food and a house to live in and a job that Christian can work his tooshy off at so we can eat and a sweet church family.</div><div>And so much more!</div><div><br></div><div>But I'll be honest. </div><div>Today I want a regular head that does hurt every time I breathe. </div><div>Today I want my mommy. </div><div>Today I want to stay home with my husband and just cry and pray and wait for four more months to pass (that's the soonest date they're giving us). </div><div>Today I want to get back in bed and sleep and hope like Aurora to awaken when all has been made right. (Are my Disney roots showing there a little?)</div><div><br></div><div>And today I read this:</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyChJIANY3_IPp0IhkbcEEjGaHOWIpK_1H3rNbIg8UAagmU-gb_dqZohdhFqWe99odKG4YkEcPxE9dS64sPiRjlaQbym1_VEHHTx_EXD8UHwgRZp2NLEbq_6vjzzRWNnRssjeQ1DcjRFho/s640/blogger-image--1527908415.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyChJIANY3_IPp0IhkbcEEjGaHOWIpK_1H3rNbIg8UAagmU-gb_dqZohdhFqWe99odKG4YkEcPxE9dS64sPiRjlaQbym1_VEHHTx_EXD8UHwgRZp2NLEbq_6vjzzRWNnRssjeQ1DcjRFho/s640/blogger-image--1527908415.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I am reading in Genesis 37. Joseph was being a smarty pants and told his brothers about his dreams. Then his dad sends him along to check on the boys (smart thinking there daddy-o) and the brothers decided to put an end to Joseph's dreams. They decide to kill him but then later put him in slavery and figure that's the end of that. But it wasn't. Gods plans are too big. He is too great of a God. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">What does this have to do with me? Well, I feel a bit like I'm in that pit, useless to anyone, unwanted, unneeded. (Sorry, I told you Funshine Bear wasn't making an appearance in this post). </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">You see, I feel like Jesus has given me dream and visions. Like straight up real ones. Crazy ones. But I'm over here in a pit. Crying like a whiney baby (not like the cute little one that Courtney and Micah just had but like the wailing won't stop annoying kind).</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">If I've been given dreams and visions and callings then what am I doing in a bed with a 4cm hole in my skull watching the world go by me. And (here's some crazy honest Jo) why does it HURT SO MUCH!? I'll be honest here guys, I am in some pain. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">But the Lord spoke sweetly to me (okay, He had to holler to be heard over my caterwauling) <b><i>That pit is not forever. And the pit is a step to the place where Jesus gets the glory.</i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b><i>Will I walk into the pain that will bring Him glory? Would I </i>NOW<i>, knowing all the ACTUAL pain, because we all know there's a difference, would I NOW walk into this? </i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I'm not afraid to die or even have cancer. I'm most afraid to be unable to help those who need the touch of Jesus. <b><i>Will I walk into even that if that is where His steps take me?</i></b> Will I sit in a pit and let Him be God and do His thing and stop charging Him around?!? I am so stupid at times. Okay, a lot of times but that's not the point. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The point is, Jesus kept His promise to meet me in the operating room. I firmly believe he met my doctor there too. I don't know how but he was different afterwards. Jesus has given us all we need. I just have to quit crying in the pit. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"> Looks like there's a long road that might be ahead. Anyone want to road trip with me?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b><i>All I know is that I heard my enemy say this morning, "let's see what becomes of those dreams now?" And I don't want him to win. </i></b>Cause he stinks. I'm not even sure I'm making sense. I'm in a lot of pain and I've heard that can affect things. I should just press erase. I already have once. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">But I need you guys.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And I think we need each other. I think we are each in a pit of some form or another: a wayward child, a child with cancer, a marriage falling apart, a relationship with something we love severed, wherever we are. It's our pit. And it stinks. And it's lonely. But we are not alone. We have Immanuel, which means "God with us." He is there with us! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b><i>And our pit it not pointless. Read the rest of Jospehs story. Each moment is pivotal. Each movement changes and affects things and brings about the most beautiful ending. We just have to get to the ending. We just have to not give up. We just have to not give in the to enemy's lies that the dreams God has given won't come true. Believe in your Jesus today. Even from the bottom of the pit. </i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And we have each other. These pits aren't forever. My head will heal and I will get to see people again and hug them for Jesus (I miss that most, just being WITH people and loving them and giving them coffee and cookies in the name of Jesus). </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b><i>Someday, we will step into the dreams that He has given each one of us, to foster a child, to love an unbelieving family member, to again hold the baby that you lost. Jesus is a dream giver AND a dream fulfiller. </i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Please pray for me to hang on to these truths today okay? I think we all need them. </div><br></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqYn3QnXCIXh9agXxcja48D819kn_EKx6umuEB4j5RYeI0ZQ_iGQBaGi0cF8JHkAxya9ODfkExijIZ2zky_mUjWNR-d7yaNEHYCNRsLVfTQCEo27iJNnMscawIoF2jQDekLYup3CmqSe7f/s640/blogger-image--783027764.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqYn3QnXCIXh9agXxcja48D819kn_EKx6umuEB4j5RYeI0ZQ_iGQBaGi0cF8JHkAxya9ODfkExijIZ2zky_mUjWNR-d7yaNEHYCNRsLVfTQCEo27iJNnMscawIoF2jQDekLYup3CmqSe7f/s640/blogger-image--783027764.jpg"></a></div><br></div>A little family/movie postoperative recovery time. These kids are so great to me!</div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-9539898813938851242013-12-26T07:16:00.001-08:002013-12-26T07:16:58.101-08:00Rejoice Greatly!Well, after months of not knowing what was going on or which direction we would be taking to address these crazy medical concerns, tomorrow is the day of surgery. It's a different surgery than I was expecting, and I am super grateful for that! I think preparing myself for something as crazy as open heart surgery has really helped me to not totally freak out over this. A hunk of my skull? About 4 weeks until I feel like doing things? A gnarly headache for up to two months? That is a piece of CAKE compared to a year until I am 100% like they promised me after open heart! I've spent most of my time stoked over the way things have turned out, and I think that was okay.<div><br></div><div>This week, however, I started to get scared. </div><div><br></div><div>Just being real, here. I mean, just because it's not open heart surgery doesn't mean it isn't a major surgery! This is my head we are talking about here! The tumor is in the skull bone and is currently obeying the "rules" of bone, which means it is growing very much like a bone would and is very hard like bone. It also means that it is staying inside the bone and has not traveled into the brain at this point. It is placing pressure on the brain, but not too bad at this point. Removing it will help with the pressure and hopefully a whole host of other things. So yay! Except that when I spoke with my doctor this week he informed me that one of the side effects of cutting into the bone is that sometimes people end up with permanent worse headaches. </div><div><br></div><div>That one kind of threw me. </div><div><br></div><div>A 4-5 inch long patch of hair missing? I'm cool with that. I've got a hubs who loves me and a God who designed hair to grow back. A few weeks of feeling pretty awful? No biggie, Jesus can handle that one for me. </div><div><br></div><div>A chance of permanent WORSE headaches? Um, yeah, that one sort of bothers me.</div><div><br></div><div>I know that my Jesus is still in control. I know that He has a plan and that He loves me and that if I end up with these worse headaches He will have a beautiful plan in that too. I know a ton of the right stuff with my head. If I could just convince my worried nauseated stomach I'd be grand. </div><div><br></div><div>Then this morning I read this:</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicm3JUgZimImaQNxv3cNGwF3vJ-viIh6g4DWFNb8HqbXrLyD3hGp-1BXehEHtSYnCa9pRYRQsidmBNZwrb1XIQ2gpzXQty1R5z5DbwSAAooFkC7SzsNrJ2sfWRl_N2ZnoHNgsUb2BOrV_o/s640/blogger-image--283999492.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicm3JUgZimImaQNxv3cNGwF3vJ-viIh6g4DWFNb8HqbXrLyD3hGp-1BXehEHtSYnCa9pRYRQsidmBNZwrb1XIQ2gpzXQty1R5z5DbwSAAooFkC7SzsNrJ2sfWRl_N2ZnoHNgsUb2BOrV_o/s640/blogger-image--283999492.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br><div>And I just knew that The Lord was speaking THIS to ME!</div><div><br></div><div>I felt like He said specifically, </div><div>"<b><i>Rejoice greatly in the face of this scary surgery because I, your loving, powerful, able, caring King, am COMING TO YOU to meet you THERE, in the fear, in the pain."</i></b></div><div><br></div><div>Honesty alert here: I really don't like it when I feel my trust shaken.</div><div><br></div><div>I mean, who does right?!? But still, I hate it when I know all of the right stuff to say or do but I just can't shake the worry or fear. <b><i>That's why I am loving this word for me for this situation so much right now! He is not saying pull it together Jo. Get with it. Suck it up. Don't you trust me?</i></b></div><div><b><i><br></i></b></div><div><b><i>No. Instead he is saying, rejoice in Me. I AM COMING. Rejoice in that and I will bring the rest of it to pass perfectly.</i></b></div><div><br></div><div>Some days I need to really see how in control God is. <i>But it's not a complete picture of His power until I see that I have none of my own. </i> As I face this surgery, which includes 3 hours in the operating room, the rest of the day in ICU ("just in case" my doc said...who likes to hear "just in case"? Ha!) and then one night overnight as long everything goes well, I am nose to nose with my inability to do ANYTHING. </div><div><br></div><div><b><i>But I CAN cling to His promises! And this morning He has promised to meet me THERE, in the surgery, in the possible complications, in the recovery room, in my life! And He keeps His promises.</i></b></div><div><br></div></div><div>So tomorrow morning I show up for a CT scan at 6:30 where they will shave part of my hair and put a stitch in the skin and then be able to use the ct scan like a navigator of old days would use the North Star and his star charts and know exactly where to make his incision. Crazy cool, huh? (Ps talking about that makes me want to watch Prince Caspian or some movie about ships on the sea) My surgery will begin at 8:30 am and I promise that Christian will update Facebook with how things are going. Thank you so much to everyone that is praying!!! </div><div><br></div><div>Oh and please pray for my doctor! His name is Dr. Malamed and we are pretty sure he is not a believer. He is super nice and very skilled and we had a total peace about this the moment we met him, but he isn't saved. So please pray for him to also meet my King in that operating room and recovery room too okay? We KNEW when we met the guy for the very first time that Jesus wants to do something awesome with him so yeah, please just pray for him. Thank you everyone!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHMN-UzaY-vCsXn7VO9_V8DmExTf5v0u6J0iWUGTNNM3_k5ro7K_o7VSS5Hxg4L4K-3SXbMS8u6UBkOfqVUTRZ-1YXxmsUxqBLeU1FvsOU8O2xYtv535FkV_zFlClKE2DW3sTQCjkUaPfo/s640/blogger-image-1788207978.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHMN-UzaY-vCsXn7VO9_V8DmExTf5v0u6J0iWUGTNNM3_k5ro7K_o7VSS5Hxg4L4K-3SXbMS8u6UBkOfqVUTRZ-1YXxmsUxqBLeU1FvsOU8O2xYtv535FkV_zFlClKE2DW3sTQCjkUaPfo/s640/blogger-image-1788207978.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Oh and also thank you everyone for praying for our Christmas celebration and for the gifts and verses and kind words of encouragement and for the Christmas dinner and just so many blessings! We are feeling like princesses and princes over here, sons and daughters of a great King. Thank you for letting Him use you to lift us up. It was a very sweet day!</div><div><br></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-87387737807399438892013-12-17T07:52:00.001-08:002013-12-17T08:07:17.968-08:00Apple PickingYesterday the kids and I went Sprouts to get a few things we had run out of, and I had a startling reminder that we do not live in Paris, Texas anymore.<div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7f9L4k6RSRKgzdRYCWai8IFgPJ1Q8EdVrNR9L3g0M2bx7DXdwJ6aMzaEQraZ9dScIcBmKw-2gdohfLKUUq_RF9R5TPqM70HCa5CFPQe_xbSQmZ_CwkTu_h8-ymlX4gpaFRC7qUpfa-OFB/s640/blogger-image-1133341477.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7f9L4k6RSRKgzdRYCWai8IFgPJ1Q8EdVrNR9L3g0M2bx7DXdwJ6aMzaEQraZ9dScIcBmKw-2gdohfLKUUq_RF9R5TPqM70HCa5CFPQe_xbSQmZ_CwkTu_h8-ymlX4gpaFRC7qUpfa-OFB/s640/blogger-image-1133341477.jpg"></a></div><br></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>There's this guy that runs the produce department there that seems to be working the majority of the time that we go. He is SUPER into nutrition and healing your body through food instead of medicine and when he is there I just know that we will be there extra long. But he has always been sweet to the kids and chops open fruits that we haven't tried before and gives them samples so that's cool. Plus I just know that Jesus wants a friendship to be born there that He can work through. So anyway, we usually chat about paleo diets verses vegan or the latest super fruit. One day, a month or two back, he asked me about where the kids go to school and we shared that we home school. He asked the kids how they like it and what they need. Through the course of the conversation Abigail told him that one of the books you need is the Bible (we have a 15 minute Bible class at the beginning of each day and our writing class is also out of the Bible). Oh man, this guy stiffened up immediately. He quickly said a little something that let us know what he thought about that and turned around and stalked off. Since I got sick, I haven't really seen him.</div><div><br></div><div>Last night, I went in and he was there. I had a question about the difference between yams and jewel yams so I had Abigail ask him (trying to train them up to be efficient in grocery shopping) and he came over to explain the differences to us ( which by the way, there is no difference besides the color of the skin. So get whatever is cheapest or on sale). In the middle of chopping open the potatoes to show us that there isn't a difference, he has this look pass over his face and he stops and looks at me and says</div><div><br></div><div>"You're that family that <i>home schools</i>, aren't you?" </div><div><br></div><div>I felt like I was on trial and it was so funny I almost laughed out loud. "Yes," I said. "We are very ready for our Christmas break too!" </div><div><br></div><div>Well that apparently set him off, because he looked right at the kids and said, "Did you know that Christmas was actually a pagan holiday and has nothing to do with Jesus?" He wasn't looking at me. He wasn't really trying to ask a question or even debate with me. He wanted to make my kids question Christmas! I was like whoa, you wouldn't have a conversation like this in the produce section of Kroger or Walmart in Paris for sure! </div><div><br></div><div>But people here aren't like people in Paris. This is definitely NOT the Bible Belt of the nation for sure. We are part of one of the most liberal cities in America where practically everything is legal and nothing is looked down upon for fear of seeming "closed minded."</div><div><br></div><div>Well, my kids looked up at me with giant questioning eyes and looked shocked when I answered, </div><div><br></div><div>"He is right, guys." I explained a quick synopsis of how Constantine wanted to make Christianity the Roman religion so he combined some of the old pagan holidays with some of the things Christians were celebrating, trying to make the transition easier for people. I explained that although originally Christmas was pagan, we as a culture have redeemed it and shone the light of Christ on it and we ARE celebrating Christ now. </div><div><br></div><div>The guy looked at me and said "Here's your potatoes" and walked away. </div><div><br></div><div>I think he wanted to throw us a little, shake our belief. I wasn't really offended, just a little shocked at how he passed me up and went straight for my kids. But not offended. I remember getting excited before I was a believer when I thought I had something that could tear down someone's faith (I know, I was awful). I just needed a good reason to suffocate the conviction inside of me that was screaming that Jesus is real and I needed him. So, I'm not mad at him and I was trying to be super careful to respond in loving firmness, not arrogant pride. I hope and am PRAYING that instead he maybe saw that although there are things that might seem to not make sense about Christianity, <b><i>there is always a good answer. </i></b>That was what the kids and I have talked about multiple times since last night. The whole experience gave us the chance to really talk things through, to explain why it's okay to have a Christmas tree and to talk about taking the things of the world and redeem them and make them things that can bring glory to God. We don't have to shrink back in fear when someone raises a question we don't know the answer to. There is always an answer. (P.s. Alwaysbeready.com has a ton of answers if you feel like you're not equipped or don't remember the answer to something)</div><div><br></div><div>I think my kids learned some valuable lessons and I am praying that Jesus will keep giving us chances to kindly love this produce guy and share the Light of Jesus with Him. I am praying that he will see that Jesus isn't who he thinks He is. I am praying that he sees that Jesus is love and light and everything beautiful and that he surrenders to His embrace. <b><i>I am praying that this Christmas he will not be able to deny that the God of the universe came down, humbled himself, became a baby for US. For LOVE'S SAKE, we celebrate His beautiful plan. Love came down! There can be joy in the world because the Lord HAS come! </i></b></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ5ncDD45LkDbs7A-3XBP9SVsyJSKcl-_fjQbuTo4OEYyaOe9-MjAvd38QmogmMTTfqUyJaPkn9OZvtEnHTbw5Di-b4qCpJfcBeuc5zC7aaj619zWTvvU1Ze_IveXFPmP6jjYJZrJ4zng1/s640/blogger-image--316537271.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ5ncDD45LkDbs7A-3XBP9SVsyJSKcl-_fjQbuTo4OEYyaOe9-MjAvd38QmogmMTTfqUyJaPkn9OZvtEnHTbw5Di-b4qCpJfcBeuc5zC7aaj619zWTvvU1Ze_IveXFPmP6jjYJZrJ4zng1/s640/blogger-image--316537271.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Pray for him with me, okay!?! And let's all remember that people are seeking this time of year. Every trip to get apples can be a missions trip! </div><div><br></div><div><br></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-38112972108568842862013-12-13T07:32:00.001-08:002013-12-13T08:29:25.698-08:00Surgery SwitchWell this week has definitely been a roller coaster!<div><br></div><div>Jesus sweetly gave me this revelation of His character this week:</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBXXejDrkmDNTvZiJvvg83l5g6ugnjdLZunF79TB3Qb5C_Eg_k4FpLeXZsXF-zfpGaGnq8-D0a-PO4SXmieIv7MPp8pnwo9AYwjmgToE4Cc8vojomvzApI8DlXutX2QKcjyOauzdYqVoKU/s640/blogger-image--1430616530.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBXXejDrkmDNTvZiJvvg83l5g6ugnjdLZunF79TB3Qb5C_Eg_k4FpLeXZsXF-zfpGaGnq8-D0a-PO4SXmieIv7MPp8pnwo9AYwjmgToE4Cc8vojomvzApI8DlXutX2QKcjyOauzdYqVoKU/s640/blogger-image--1430616530.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>He is the One withe the keys. He is the One that can shut doors and if He shuts them, there will be NO opening them. And He also opens doors and no one can get them shut if He has opened them!</div><div><br></div><div><b><i>I needed that this week.</i></b></div><div><br></div><div>Tuesday we met with the new cardiologist who specializes in congenital heart problems. My cardiothoracic surgeon wanted his opinion because he was baffled by my numbers and scans. So we met with him, and it turns out that he disagrees with Dr. Haffey, my original cardiologist. Dr. miller (the new guy) says that my pictures and numbers would look startling to a person used to dealing with heart problems caused by poor diet but that he doesn't often look at a heart that was born with a defect like mine. Dr. Miller says that he sees 200 patients a year with my exact type of stenosis and it is his opinion that although my heart does have a defect, it does not need to be corrected with open heart surgery (<b><i>can anyone join me in a victory dance and a WOOP WOOP!?)</i></b>. He says that he sees my symptoms and they are measurable and real, but just not coming from my pulmonary artery. </div><div><br></div><div>Back in September, while I was waiting to get in to see my cardiologist, my primary ran a test on me called a Holter monitor. It's basically a 24 hour portable EKG. It showed that I have some bradycardia (low heart rates) and that I had TWENTY FOUR pauses. Like your heart is pausing from beating kind of pauses. We took that test with us to the cardiologist and originally thought he would want to do a pace maker. Dr. Haffy thought the pauses were insignificant and that the pulmonary artery was the real culprit. Dr. Miller thinks the pulmonary artery is insignificant and that the sinus node (the place in your heart that sends out the electrical impulse to make your heart beat) is the real culprit. He says that anytime your heart pauses, not enough oxygen is getting to your brain and that will make you dizzy, faint, <i>extremely</i> fatigued, all that I am going through. They still disagree with each other, but Dr. Haffy has agreed to a longer test to prove it. So I am hooked up to a heart monitor for the next 30 days or until my doctor can record enough pauses to prove to my insurance that I need a pacemaker. Fun times, eh?</div><div><br></div><div>Another thing is that Dr. Miller also thought that the tumor in my head may be having some effect on the nerves in my body and may be causing some of the issues. Our neurosurgeon said that it's not very likely, but that the brain is a funny place and since it needs to be removed anyway, then let's get this puppy outta there. So I am scheduled for surgery to remove the tumor in my skull on December 26th. Seems crazy, but they had originally wanted to remove it in October and since it may have an effect, he is squeezing me in. </div><div><br></div><div>Thank you so so much for praying for me!!! I know that the Lord has used those prayers mightily and I am blown away by the love that you have shown me through them. So many of you said that you wished you could come and be a practical help, but prayer really was the most practical thing I needed! I'll take a surgery switch over a meal dropped off! You NEED to see how powerful and important your prayers are! Thank you for them!</div><div><br></div><div>So quick recap:</div><div>Last week I was scheduled to have open heart surgery by the end of this week.</div><div><br></div><div>Now I WILL NOT BE HAVING OPEN HEART SURGEY. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even though I don't feel better yet, I am so glad to have a much less insane surgery before me! And I am so excited to get this lump out of my skull and see how my vision improves and my headaches decrease and hey who really wants a lump in their skull that the doctors say is "probably benign and probably slow growing"? So yay for that! </div><div><br></div><div>I am still wearing this heart monitor and they are deciding about the pace maker. But even if I have to have that surgery it is really pretty simple. Even easier than my tumor removal! </div><div><br></div><div>That's where this verse in revelation comes in for me. We had a peace the whole time that this surgery would be okay. That I wouldn't die or anything crazy. And He gave us that peace because He knew we wouldn't end up needing that surgery so hey Jo don't freak out. He will not allow a surgery that I don't need! </div><div><br></div><div><b><i>He will not allow a trial or a test in my life that I don't need!</i></b></div><div><b><i><br></i></b></div><div><b><i>So that means that every little last thing that passes into my life bubble is exactly what I need.</i></b></div><div><br></div><div><i>He will shut the doors that are not for my good, AND NO ONE CAN OPEN THEM! But that also means that if He has allowed a door to be opened in my life, a trial, a difficulty, a person I don't know how to handle, a house full of sick kids, a knock on your door just after you've gone to bed with someone in need on the other side, I don't know, whatever you're dealing with, whatever I am dealing with, it is a door that He has allowed to be opened. </i></div><div><br></div><div>So I am super challenged today. I feel like its so easy to see his hand opening and closing the doors of major surgery, but <b><i>can I choose to see His hand opening and closing the doors in my everyday life? </i></b></div><div><br></div><div><i>Can I actually apply this and then see each person, each situation, as the door that Jesus has opened to me today and walk through it in boldness and with purpose. Don't you want that? I want that! I want to walk purposefully, boldly into each day knowing that the Kingdom of God is at hand and that I have a Sovereign King looking out for me.</i></div><div><br></div><div>Ps. So the surgery on my skull is way less of a big deal, but PLEASE keep praying for me okay? They will remove the outer layer of bone and most of the tumor is in the marrow part. My surgeon says he most likely will not need to touch the inner layer of bone so that means he will not be touching the brain at all. He says overall the tumor is in a very easily removable spot. Recovery is 1-3 days in the hospital and four weeks to feel pretty normal. I may have a crazy headache for up to two months. WAY better than a year for open heart, but yeah if you want to keep praying for me I will totally receive that because it's still a month of my family not having a totally normal me. It's funny, this surgery would have seemed so daunting before the relief of knowing that it's not as bad as it could have been. Jesus is sweet to give perspective, eh?</div><div><br></div><div>This morning He reminded me of this:</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_tCrf0oo_-qNoTaHLTGN395tqKgrl7xmO8B-fDg13ZBWwk40Ok9KY0HMFmz_DIu1LejM2JWewGcqAvrrX4hh33CVQWFIEVJDpmoR_AbxMLCF3vsPsXeIxjmil6byWzYjceodt6WnTrRF9/s640/blogger-image--71381995.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_tCrf0oo_-qNoTaHLTGN395tqKgrl7xmO8B-fDg13ZBWwk40Ok9KY0HMFmz_DIu1LejM2JWewGcqAvrrX4hh33CVQWFIEVJDpmoR_AbxMLCF3vsPsXeIxjmil6byWzYjceodt6WnTrRF9/s640/blogger-image--71381995.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>He is the One who sits on the throne. He is in charge. And He is encircled by a rainbow. What a beautiful picture! A rainbow is the reminder that He will keep His promises! So this morning I got a sweet reminder that He is powerful and in charge and that He is also faithful to keep His promises. </div><div><br></div><div>What a beautiful Savior we serve!</div><div><br></div><div>P.p.s.</div><div>Merry almost Christmas!</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3dN1556UVg-lkd4T5en3GUvwy6BMSNRa4nIeBPzfixPEEEvN-LUcA2-uyE0KE4S3O34IbCNxi2GkK_DpcYVlDP_WwJUD5pHB8zguk8PfACeN-IXz4_wM8sHQ4ncz1Y0HhldXV95bKxalR/s640/blogger-image-1971317199.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3dN1556UVg-lkd4T5en3GUvwy6BMSNRa4nIeBPzfixPEEEvN-LUcA2-uyE0KE4S3O34IbCNxi2GkK_DpcYVlDP_WwJUD5pHB8zguk8PfACeN-IXz4_wM8sHQ4ncz1Y0HhldXV95bKxalR/s640/blogger-image-1971317199.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-2789864104217703212013-12-10T06:09:00.000-08:002013-12-10T06:51:31.671-08:00Jesus Commands my DestinyI have had the song "In Christ Alone" in my head for days now. It is such a great song and full of beautiful truth, but the line that keeps ringing through my mind is<br>
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"<b><i>Jesus commands my destiny"</i></b><br>
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It is so true! I am NOT getting all doctrinal this morning. I believe that the free will of man and the absolute sovereignty of God can and do coexist because Scripture teaches that they do. But today, this week, this season of my life, I am so thankful that <b><i>Jesus does indeed command my destiny.<br></i></b>
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This morning as I was reading my Bible and praying and singing this song in my head over and over, I began to think about how He really always has commanded my destiny. Like from the beginning. But I won't go that far back this morning. <div><br></div><div>This morning as I meditated on His Lordship over my life, I thought back to before I was saved. When I was in my late high school years and then college, my heart was seeking. I was filling it with a lot of junk and got myself into some very dark places, but that's not the point of this musing. </div><div><br></div><div><b><i>Back then, when my heart would ache with loneliness and I was searching for a God I didn't even know I was searching for, I would find my journey often ended at the beach. Alone. It was the place where I ended up when I knew I was too small. </i></b></div><div><br></div><div>I've always thought it was because my Dad from a young age instilled a love for the ocean in me. I can remember taking trips to Hermosa Beach with him and the warmth of the sand and the taste of salt as some of my earliest memories. But this morning I had an interesting thought. Although I am not saying that the love of the beach that my Dad gave me is completely separate from it, <b>I think it is interesting that the beaches I ended up at (Oceanside pier and Tamarack) just happened to be common surf spots of my wonderful hubs.</b><br>
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Okay let me back up a bit here and give you some more info so this makes more sense. </div><div><br></div><div>Christian's mom told him at about 15 that he should add to his prayer list his future wife. Sounds a little crazy, but he did. He would pray for his future wife the things he prayed for himself, to have a great day or good devotions or whatnot. </div><div><br></div><div>At about the age of seventeen, he felt God saying to him, "that's great that you pray for your future wife, but what if she isn't even saved yet?" So he started praying that his wife wherever she was would be aware of Gods presence and if she wasn't yet saved that she would surrender her life to Jesus Christ. I was twenty years old at the time and VERY lost in drugs and all kinds of yuck that the world offers. This was the season of life where I would find myself down at the beach, watching the surfers ride the waves and the sun set and just wondering if there was something more than me. Then KNOWING that there was something more than me but not knowing what. <br>
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As a lost twenty year old I spent that year seeking, finding glimpses, turning away, turning back. Always finding myself down by the water, begging to understand something. That was the year that Christian spent praying for his future wife to GET SAVED! </i></b>And two weeks after I turned twenty-one, I surrendered my life to Jesus. Almost a year later I met Christian and well, the rest is a cute story but not the point. <br>
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This is the point: <div><br></div><div><b><i>How crazy is it that as he prayed for me, I was drawn to the very beaches where he was surfing to ponder and seek out the God who so wanted my heart! </i></b> Like, I am tripping out thinking about the fact that I probably watched him surf while I was searching to know what life was about.</div><div><br></div><div><b>Jesus has been seeking after ME from before I even knew what to call the gaping hole inside of me! And He is cool enough to use the man I would eventually marry to pray and gather me into the fold!!! </b></div><div><br></div><div>I would sit on the sea wall and think how pointless my life was, how dumb and empty each step I took was. But it wasn't. Sometimes even now it is easy to think how pointless things might be, like how frustrating it is to have wait for ANOTHER test (oh and they switched me to a different doctor again), or how empty each day can feel when you can't even do the laundry and make dinner and play with your kids. <b><i>But I believe that my seemingly pointless moments now are not unlike my perceived pointless moments then. Each time I sat there, empty and at the end of my understanding, I was closer to the TRUTH:</i></b> that He loved me, that He came down as a Baby and LIVED and DIED for me to not only set me free from sin but to welcome me into His loving embrace that had always been there I just couldn't see it!</div><div><br></div><div>This applies NOW, too!</div><div><br></div><div>Each time that I come to the end of my understanding in this whole thing with my heart, each time I cannot get up for hours at a time from my chair in the corner of the living room, maybe (not really "maybe") I am closer to more truth, deeper truth, truth about His character and love.</div><div><br></div><div>You see, nothing is wasted. Even if I miss it and don't understand it, HE IS WORKING ALL THINGS TOGETHER FOR MY GOOD. Someday, I will look back at this season of sickness and see the intricate things that He is weaving together into a beautiful picture. <b><i>For now, I will look at the beautiful craziness of the fact that I sat on the beaches watching my future husband who was praying for my salvation ride the waves of an always changing ocean and KNOW that this too will be beautiful.</i></b></div><div><b><i><br></i></b></div><div><b><i><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrZwqMkzuUTscKyTUjpw2wrPUBijaKl9vMqHDQsKFV5q-SHciyy642d8JUy-xLzp8ivLI1mfg8_lFhe_oBbw07hb70q4OajSPhk_FyjPW8IdyYz7CMuLT-XWWTBSZLRlYGACBJDtmXFlTx/s640/blogger-image--1112534543.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrZwqMkzuUTscKyTUjpw2wrPUBijaKl9vMqHDQsKFV5q-SHciyy642d8JUy-xLzp8ivLI1mfg8_lFhe_oBbw07hb70q4OajSPhk_FyjPW8IdyYz7CMuLT-XWWTBSZLRlYGACBJDtmXFlTx/s640/blogger-image--1112534543.jpg"></a></div><br></i></b></div><div><br></div><div>"He has made everything beautiful in its time." Ecclesiastes 3:11<br>
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<br></div></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-72936722399702812802013-12-07T16:13:00.001-08:002013-12-07T16:19:37.537-08:00Bringing in the SheavesWell this week has been a good one. I've been moving pretty slowly but Jesus has been speaking sweetly.<div><br></div><div>First there was this:</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghEKiwwQXFIJTYpQdHR_OOcTNFQgNMD6xG786kcl5qmHJqtO-xCBbwpoJhVJRPr3_jXYZNUZz2oq-aJZxkSuZKAaGDo2CtasPMM7mKiRLMJBednLol2qZDOiagi0fKMZvrkWWP79aVQH61/s640/blogger-image-174192085.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghEKiwwQXFIJTYpQdHR_OOcTNFQgNMD6xG786kcl5qmHJqtO-xCBbwpoJhVJRPr3_jXYZNUZz2oq-aJZxkSuZKAaGDo2CtasPMM7mKiRLMJBednLol2qZDOiagi0fKMZvrkWWP79aVQH61/s640/blogger-image-174192085.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">It was kind of along the same line as the Daniel 6 thing. Like hey Jo, don't be afraid to be drawn away. Even if it looks scary and difficult, it can turn out to be the place that Jesus speaks sweet comfort and teaches us to sing His praises. And I know He is trying to teach me to sing a "new song."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Then this morning there was this:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlA_MNKpWWYdFDfA6yJFCPIiDdTdW80ZvhnTBk0DRHXURxW_tLk22rguSfH2aezSTbEzcK1MAuJLHnOtQmj4ALv296eUC4PCUpStt5m-GstFGf8MRHpnpuGfsH8z1n_W1UThy0UhNB0l9y/s640/blogger-image--714208210.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlA_MNKpWWYdFDfA6yJFCPIiDdTdW80ZvhnTBk0DRHXURxW_tLk22rguSfH2aezSTbEzcK1MAuJLHnOtQmj4ALv296eUC4PCUpStt5m-GstFGf8MRHpnpuGfsH8z1n_W1UThy0UhNB0l9y/s640/blogger-image--714208210.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Oh this was so beautiful! Yes, sometimes it's the seeds sown in tears that are the most fruitful. I've heard a ton of awesome studies on that topic for sure. In fact, the entire account of Joseph is beautiful like that.</div><div><br></div><div>But this morning the Lord pointed something else out to me. You see it's not just about the tears. <b>It's about continuing to sow seeds</b> whether there are times of ease or difficulty. </div><div><b><i><br></i></b></div><div><b><i>The joy comes when we continue to go forth sowing the seeds even when we are weeping.</i></b></div><div><br></div><div>For me, I was instantly convicted. How much time have I taken up thinking about myself and the difficulties of the week instead of sowing seeds for the Kingdom of God? Have I been throwing myself a pity party when there are neighbors to pray for? People going hungry and freezing in my city? Friends loosing loved ones tragically?</div><div><br></div><div>This week, my CT scan got denied and then postponed and then got done. </div><div><br></div><div>This week my appointment with the surgeon got postponed and then canceled and then moved to this morning. </div><div><br></div><div>This week, my surgeon said he still needs another test. </div><div><br></div><div>And this week my focus has been on not having a nervous breakdown! </div><div><br></div><div>Between the fact that I have had very little strength this week and a lot of disappointments and I'm totally bored of staring at the walls of my house, I've been a bit stir crazy, a bit whiny (pray for my poor hubs), and a bit ready to BE DONE with all of this.</div><div><br></div><div>Then comes Psalm 126 and I realized...</div><div><br></div><div><b style="text-decoration: underline; font-style: italic;">There is a Kingdom to invest in and here I am over in my warm cozy house pouting because this is taking too long to figure out and I'm tired of being sick and I just want to make gingerbread cookies with my kids. </b></div><div><br></div><div>LAME<b style="text-decoration: underline; font-style: italic;">!</b></div><div><br></div><div>I mean, I know that Jesus knows my frame and loves me no matter what, but I have a choice. Do I want to waste the time I have been given? </div><div><br></div><div><b>Do I want to continue weeping and stop the forward momentum into his embrace? Or will I choose to sow seeds for His Kingdom WHiLE I am weeping?</b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div>I know, at least for me, that is what Psalm 126 means. Yes, there may be tears but the point is that I continue to obey Jesus. Continue to sow seeds, to pray for these people, this city, Texas, California, Wisconsin, our nation, the future of my kids and my hubs and then back around the circle again. If I truly believe that prayer is so powerful then really, how can I be so stir crazy? When you look at it from that angle, my plate has been cleared so THAT I can pray. </div><div><br></div><div><b><i>Basically, I'm going nuts over here because my focus is off. My focus has been on my tears instead of on the seeds waiting to be sown. </i></b></div><div><br></div><div>Can Jesus get His work done without me? Absolutely. But He wants to use me so that He can fill me with that joy and bring such a bountiful harvest. <u><i>And when I choose to beg Him to make His kingdoms work my focus, I am not bogged down with work but freed up into bountiful JOY.</i></u></div><div><br></div><div>So please pray for me that I walk in the joy that He has set before me. It is beautiful and I don't want to miss it while I attend my lame pity party!</div><div><br></div><div>P.s. About the surgeon...</div><div>If you want all the nitty gritty details, the CT scan of my pulmonary artery was done in the hopes of seeing where in the artery there is a narrowing. Unfortunately it did not show that. It showed that the artery is TRIPLE the size that it should be. Dr. Propp, my surgeon, was absolutely flabbergasted. His exact words were, "This is MASSIVE." He explained that the artery has grown in size because of the pressures from whatever is obstructing things. He described it as turbulence. Most arteries are like water flowing through a pipe. Mine is more like a roaring rapids kind of thing and the turbulence has caused the artery to become misshapen and grow very large. This has other implications we want to avoid.</div><div><br></div><div> So it is further proof that something is WAY off but we still don't know exactly where the "kink" in the line is so he can't scheduled a surgery. He has to know WHERE to cut. So he is speaking with the interventional radiologist on Monday and hoping to squeeze that in early next week and surgery the following week. Which puts me in the hospital over Christmas but that's okay. Really, Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Jesus and his beautiful grace and mercy and love! And we should be celebrating that every single day!</div><div><br></div><div>Thank you so much for praying for me and for walking with me on this journey. It is nice to not feel all alone.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyQoO7Oej-mL2hhuqjU9kb3vLir1VfnnXbTxy2EqHlToAkBxod4UEG2-YJqQHDGJFHRcOh0QU2JZZc0G-aqo7JtsTzb5ejQ1F0GqcFldFTinMZlqQvrgu39MWnGOwH-Tcnfv-XawYfWhyphenhyphenR/s640/blogger-image--2129146664.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyQoO7Oej-mL2hhuqjU9kb3vLir1VfnnXbTxy2EqHlToAkBxod4UEG2-YJqQHDGJFHRcOh0QU2JZZc0G-aqo7JtsTzb5ejQ1F0GqcFldFTinMZlqQvrgu39MWnGOwH-Tcnfv-XawYfWhyphenhyphenR/s640/blogger-image--2129146664.jpg"></a></div><br></div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6257346897760667733.post-35146613801383103602013-11-30T06:41:00.001-08:002013-11-30T13:06:13.512-08:00Drawn into the DenFirst of all I just want to say that my heart has been completely overwhelmed by the love that all of you have shown to me. Seriously, the support and love and pledges of prayer have been UHmazing and I am just so incredibly thankful for each one of you. I have never before seen such a tangible outpouring of the love of the body of Christ as I have in the last week. Thank you!!!<br>
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The last few days have had their ups and downs, as I'm sure they have for each of you. It really doesn't matter what it is we are going through exactly, we all seem to come to the same place of need for our sweet Savior. So I want to share with you a bit about my few days and what the Lord showed me just in case it might also be a word for some of you too. <br>
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Wednesday I posted in the morning about some stuff going on around here that I had been putting off posting. A couple of hours later, I received a call from my surgeons nurse saying that they were going to have to cancel my CT scan of my pulmonary artery because the insurance company had denied the need for it. Basically they say that I've had enough tests to prove I need the surgery and this isn't necessary. However, this is the only test that will show exactly WHERE my surgeon will need to cut. That's kinda important don't ya think? The pulmonary artery is basically like a "T" and the blockage could be anywhere along that and my surgeon says there's no way that he will operate without that test.<br>
<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGtI7mYOIe1VVszIrhYLUrPUVP1OPw9cqKx7S8ItlL9-5LZ5gP4Ych72xhbdZvynIoTOj6d3MIDisOIiudrMC6O2ROMfC3dBaCgkwfgXBwv9B2YPAyr4wek-xvO-5CwqLsPL-u8xs0mUOA/s640/blogger-image-96958.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGtI7mYOIe1VVszIrhYLUrPUVP1OPw9cqKx7S8ItlL9-5LZ5gP4Ych72xhbdZvynIoTOj6d3MIDisOIiudrMC6O2ROMfC3dBaCgkwfgXBwv9B2YPAyr4wek-xvO-5CwqLsPL-u8xs0mUOA/s640/blogger-image-96958.jpg"></a></div>(The lavender one is the pulmonary artery. I like pictures)</div></div><br>
My nurse, Robyn, is the bomb and went to bat for me with the insurance company and got them to agree to send it to another insurance doctor for review and she says she is hopeful that they will approve it by Monday or Tuesday and then they will try to sneak the test in Wednesday of Thursday before my appointment with my surgeon on Friday. So there IS a chance that this hiccup won't affect anything as far as the timing of the actual surgery. Please pray for that okay? Robyn said that this is a money game for the insurance company. They know I need the test but they are putting it off as long as they can because of the end of the year or something. <br>
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Quite honestly, here's some real Jo: I was super upset. I was all tripping out because I mean how can they do that!? How can they put off a needed test just because of money!?! <br>
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Later that day, I had some people in my life treat me very strangely considering the circumstances and it threw me, too. Like hey, really? Right now? Shouldn't you be like uber nice?<br>
<br>Nothing got worked out that day. I can't even say that I was floating down a stream of easy flowing grace. There's a song by Rend that goes "I wanna float with You, the currents driving me, but I'll paddle hard too....I've counted up the cost and You are worth it." Wednesday felt like a paddle upstream day. <div><br></div><div>But Wednesday was also one of the sweetest days ever. While singing a song about the faithfulness of God in my living room with our church family, my sweet friend's water broke and she went into labor. Five hours later, a perfect little beauty was born. What a beautiful thanksgiving gift to all of us!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvsqImFqQjAf_zShEKZu9BzxbN0-2NROeRcjWxUa5MM2tjqJ0piohnk4N3Slbp9mZqYQUP7C9URn2wqMScSWzNvfoBshbIxWEHHGfUOa87o7YGAzkX4uNL-xUTAS9TMExgS1aoSBVCB5US/s640/blogger-image-2113260469.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvsqImFqQjAf_zShEKZu9BzxbN0-2NROeRcjWxUa5MM2tjqJ0piohnk4N3Slbp9mZqYQUP7C9URn2wqMScSWzNvfoBshbIxWEHHGfUOa87o7YGAzkX4uNL-xUTAS9TMExgS1aoSBVCB5US/s640/blogger-image-2113260469.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>Wednesday night, after sending my friend off to the hospital, I sat around talking with some close friends about the difficulties of the day and shared with them the struggle in my heart. These couple of teensy difficulties seemed to be hanging on to me and I couldn't seem to shake them. But it was so obvious as we discussed everything that the choice was before me: </div><div><b>choose</b> to focus on the couple of difficulties </div><div>OR </div><div><b>choose</b> to focus on the inpouring of love from all of my sweet friends through messages and emails and texts and focus on the beautiful new life that was about to be born in time for me to be able to hold her! (If she had been born in two weeks like she was supposed to I would not have been able to hold her...Jesus is so sweet). To be honest, I made the right choice. But it was apart from the warm fuzzy feelings. And I felt like I was making the choice about every two minutes. I'm lame I know. </div><div><br>But Jesus was so sweet to me as I read Daniel 6 the next morning. I've always loved the story of Daniel and the lions den, but it hit me differently this time (dontcha love how His word can do that?). As I was reading this time, it was crazy cool to me how Daniel kept doing the things that he knew he had been called to do and he got in trouble for it but the Lord took care of his details! He showed up and was Daniels deliverer. And the deliverance was complete. The mouths of the lions were shut by that angel. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTyZXShTwwbSQ6lVLmFJ3aG5JxS1-dA7AOD-eS-xxTIwfQjYtbFFxII9Ld8nGZ2LsQ5atLTSQf4mB14FD3rfa29TWbkUjXDOwthcpN188eXQbA_cy86QjuC4kQnU4H_Gt0bcHlENiI4sCQ/s640/blogger-image-931231834.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTyZXShTwwbSQ6lVLmFJ3aG5JxS1-dA7AOD-eS-xxTIwfQjYtbFFxII9Ld8nGZ2LsQ5atLTSQf4mB14FD3rfa29TWbkUjXDOwthcpN188eXQbA_cy86QjuC4kQnU4H_Gt0bcHlENiI4sCQ/s640/blogger-image-931231834.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>And The Lord just said to my heart, I am going to do that for you too. No lion will touch you to harm you. I will deliver you.<br>
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But something crazy stood out to me this time. Daniel was assured of deliverance, he even had the king on his side and waiting up for him and fasting! </div><div><br></div><div><b><i>But he had to GO into the den of lions. </i></b> </div><div><br></div><div><b><i>He had to let the door be sealed behind him. </i></b></div><div><br></div><div><b><i>And he had to go ALONE.</i></b></div><div><br></div><div>What a crazy thought right? We are assured of deliverance but so often we want that to mean we don't have to walk through the trial. Isaiah gives us the beautiful imagery of walking through the fire and not being burned, of walking through the floods but not being overtaken by them. <b><i>Maybe I'm the only crazy one, but I think in my mind I get excited about the deliverance promised and forget about the fact that He never said I wouldn't have to walk THROUGH it.</i></b> But like here with Daniel, although he WILL be delivered, he WILL be given a greater revelation of the character and power of God, he WILL walk through and be okay, he still has to walk in and allow himself to be shut in. Alone. I feel a little like that right now. I have ToNS of support and I am so so thankful for that. Seriously, each message or call or text means that world to me. But I have to walk into that operating room alone. </div><div><br></div><div><b><i>But, like Daniel, I am NOT alone. </i></b> My God is walking beside me, wooing me, drawing me into deeper fellowship. Like a pair of lovers left alone to stare deeply into each other's heart's, it does not matter what the surroundings are. The face and heart before them is enough to drown out everything else. The den of lions can become my rendezvous point with the lover of my soul! </div><div><br></div><div>And I am not in a den full of lions, but I am facing more snarling "teeth" than I ever have before. Not that I mean to complain. I truly do recognize that this isn't the biggest deal in the world. Like I said in my last post, I DONT have cancer. I DONT have something terminal. <i>But each thing we face is OUR thing that we face and it is meant to draw us into a place where we can gaze into the face of one that loves us so much He died for us.</i> God doesn't belittle our circumstances, He just wants us to hand them to Him regardless of the size. What are you facing today? A broken family? A broken heart. A broken fellowship with an adoring Savior who is ready to welcome you in? Apathy at work? In your personal relationships? <b><i>Whatever it is, big or small, your "deal" can be your lions den, the place where you are drawn away from all you know and instead of being trampled or devoured you can find yourself wrapped in the embrace of the God of the universe.</i></b></div><div><br></div><div>I guess Jesus is teaching me to stop being so afraid of the lions and the closed in den, to learn anticipate the nearness of the God of the impossible, to let go of what I understand and instead rest in Him. Any body else feeling that?</div>joleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03704870609305905396noreply@blogger.com3