Jesus sweetly gave me this revelation of His character this week:
He is the One withe the keys. He is the One that can shut doors and if He shuts them, there will be NO opening them. And He also opens doors and no one can get them shut if He has opened them!
I needed that this week.
Tuesday we met with the new cardiologist who specializes in congenital heart problems. My cardiothoracic surgeon wanted his opinion because he was baffled by my numbers and scans. So we met with him, and it turns out that he disagrees with Dr. Haffey, my original cardiologist. Dr. miller (the new guy) says that my pictures and numbers would look startling to a person used to dealing with heart problems caused by poor diet but that he doesn't often look at a heart that was born with a defect like mine. Dr. Miller says that he sees 200 patients a year with my exact type of stenosis and it is his opinion that although my heart does have a defect, it does not need to be corrected with open heart surgery (can anyone join me in a victory dance and a WOOP WOOP!?). He says that he sees my symptoms and they are measurable and real, but just not coming from my pulmonary artery.
Back in September, while I was waiting to get in to see my cardiologist, my primary ran a test on me called a Holter monitor. It's basically a 24 hour portable EKG. It showed that I have some bradycardia (low heart rates) and that I had TWENTY FOUR pauses. Like your heart is pausing from beating kind of pauses. We took that test with us to the cardiologist and originally thought he would want to do a pace maker. Dr. Haffy thought the pauses were insignificant and that the pulmonary artery was the real culprit. Dr. Miller thinks the pulmonary artery is insignificant and that the sinus node (the place in your heart that sends out the electrical impulse to make your heart beat) is the real culprit. He says that anytime your heart pauses, not enough oxygen is getting to your brain and that will make you dizzy, faint, extremely fatigued, all that I am going through. They still disagree with each other, but Dr. Haffy has agreed to a longer test to prove it. So I am hooked up to a heart monitor for the next 30 days or until my doctor can record enough pauses to prove to my insurance that I need a pacemaker. Fun times, eh?
Another thing is that Dr. Miller also thought that the tumor in my head may be having some effect on the nerves in my body and may be causing some of the issues. Our neurosurgeon said that it's not very likely, but that the brain is a funny place and since it needs to be removed anyway, then let's get this puppy outta there. So I am scheduled for surgery to remove the tumor in my skull on December 26th. Seems crazy, but they had originally wanted to remove it in October and since it may have an effect, he is squeezing me in.
Thank you so so much for praying for me!!! I know that the Lord has used those prayers mightily and I am blown away by the love that you have shown me through them. So many of you said that you wished you could come and be a practical help, but prayer really was the most practical thing I needed! I'll take a surgery switch over a meal dropped off! You NEED to see how powerful and important your prayers are! Thank you for them!
So quick recap:
Last week I was scheduled to have open heart surgery by the end of this week.
Now I WILL NOT BE HAVING OPEN HEART SURGEY. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even though I don't feel better yet, I am so glad to have a much less insane surgery before me! And I am so excited to get this lump out of my skull and see how my vision improves and my headaches decrease and hey who really wants a lump in their skull that the doctors say is "probably benign and probably slow growing"? So yay for that!
I am still wearing this heart monitor and they are deciding about the pace maker. But even if I have to have that surgery it is really pretty simple. Even easier than my tumor removal!
That's where this verse in revelation comes in for me. We had a peace the whole time that this surgery would be okay. That I wouldn't die or anything crazy. And He gave us that peace because He knew we wouldn't end up needing that surgery so hey Jo don't freak out. He will not allow a surgery that I don't need!
He will not allow a trial or a test in my life that I don't need!
So that means that every little last thing that passes into my life bubble is exactly what I need.
He will shut the doors that are not for my good, AND NO ONE CAN OPEN THEM! But that also means that if He has allowed a door to be opened in my life, a trial, a difficulty, a person I don't know how to handle, a house full of sick kids, a knock on your door just after you've gone to bed with someone in need on the other side, I don't know, whatever you're dealing with, whatever I am dealing with, it is a door that He has allowed to be opened.
So I am super challenged today. I feel like its so easy to see his hand opening and closing the doors of major surgery, but can I choose to see His hand opening and closing the doors in my everyday life?
Can I actually apply this and then see each person, each situation, as the door that Jesus has opened to me today and walk through it in boldness and with purpose. Don't you want that? I want that! I want to walk purposefully, boldly into each day knowing that the Kingdom of God is at hand and that I have a Sovereign King looking out for me.
Ps. So the surgery on my skull is way less of a big deal, but PLEASE keep praying for me okay? They will remove the outer layer of bone and most of the tumor is in the marrow part. My surgeon says he most likely will not need to touch the inner layer of bone so that means he will not be touching the brain at all. He says overall the tumor is in a very easily removable spot. Recovery is 1-3 days in the hospital and four weeks to feel pretty normal. I may have a crazy headache for up to two months. WAY better than a year for open heart, but yeah if you want to keep praying for me I will totally receive that because it's still a month of my family not having a totally normal me. It's funny, this surgery would have seemed so daunting before the relief of knowing that it's not as bad as it could have been. Jesus is sweet to give perspective, eh?
This morning He reminded me of this:
He is the One who sits on the throne. He is in charge. And He is encircled by a rainbow. What a beautiful picture! A rainbow is the reminder that He will keep His promises! So this morning I got a sweet reminder that He is powerful and in charge and that He is also faithful to keep His promises.
What a beautiful Savior we serve!
P.p.s.
Merry almost Christmas!
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