Bringing in the Sheaves

Well this week has been a good one.  I've been moving pretty slowly but Jesus has been speaking sweetly.

First there was this:

It was kind of along the same line as the Daniel 6 thing.  Like hey Jo, don't be afraid to be drawn away.  Even if it looks scary and difficult, it can turn out to be the place that Jesus speaks sweet comfort and teaches us to sing His praises. And I know He is trying to teach me to sing a "new song."

Then this morning there was this:

Oh this was so beautiful! Yes, sometimes it's the seeds sown in tears that are the most fruitful.  I've heard a ton of awesome studies on that topic for sure.  In fact, the entire account of Joseph is beautiful like that.

But this morning the Lord pointed something else out to me.  You see it's not just about the tears.  It's about continuing to sow seeds whether there are times of ease or difficulty.  

The joy comes when we continue to go forth sowing the seeds even when we are weeping.

For me, I was instantly convicted.  How much time have I taken up thinking about myself and the difficulties of the week instead of sowing seeds for the Kingdom of God?  Have I been throwing myself a pity party when there are neighbors to pray for? People going hungry and freezing in my city?  Friends loosing loved ones tragically?

This week, my CT scan got denied and then postponed and then got done.  

This week my appointment with the surgeon got postponed and then canceled and then moved to this morning.  

This week, my surgeon said he still needs another test.  

And this week my focus has been on not having a nervous breakdown!  

Between the fact that I have had very little strength this week and a lot of disappointments and I'm totally bored of staring at the walls of my house, I've been a bit stir crazy, a bit whiny (pray for my poor hubs), and a bit ready to BE DONE with all of this.

Then comes Psalm 126 and I realized...

There is a Kingdom to invest in and here I am over in my warm cozy house pouting because this is taking too long to figure out and I'm tired of being sick and I just want to make gingerbread cookies with my kids.  

LAME!

I mean, I know that Jesus knows my frame and loves me no matter what, but I have a choice.  Do I want to waste the time I have been given?  

Do I want to continue weeping and stop the forward momentum into his embrace?  Or will I choose to sow seeds for His Kingdom WHiLE I am weeping?

I know, at least for me, that is what Psalm 126 means.  Yes, there may be tears but the point is that I continue to obey Jesus. Continue to sow seeds, to pray for these people, this city, Texas, California, Wisconsin, our nation, the future of my kids and my hubs and then back around the circle again.  If I truly believe that prayer is so powerful then really, how can I be so stir crazy?  When you look at it from that angle, my plate has been cleared so THAT I can pray.  

Basically, I'm going nuts over here because my focus is off.  My focus has been on my tears instead of on the seeds waiting to be sown.  

Can Jesus get His work done without me? Absolutely.  But He wants to use me so that He can fill me with that joy and bring such a bountiful harvest. And when I choose to beg Him to make His kingdoms work my focus, I am not bogged down with work but freed up into bountiful JOY.

So please pray for me that I walk in the joy that He has set before me.  It is beautiful and I don't want to miss it while I attend my lame pity party!

P.s. About the surgeon...

If you want all the nitty gritty details, the CT scan of my pulmonary artery was done in the hopes of seeing where in the artery there is a narrowing.  Unfortunately it did not show that. It showed that the artery is TRIPLE the size that it should be.  Dr. Propp, my surgeon, was absolutely flabbergasted. His exact words were, "This is MASSIVE." He explained that the artery has grown in size  because of the pressures from whatever is obstructing things.  He described it as turbulence.  Most arteries are like water flowing through a pipe.  Mine is more like a roaring rapids kind of thing and the turbulence has caused the artery to become misshapen and grow very large.  This has other implications we want to avoid.

 So it is further proof that something is WAY off but we still don't know exactly where the "kink" in the line is so he can't scheduled a surgery.  He has to know WHERE to cut.  So he is speaking with the interventional radiologist on Monday and hoping to squeeze that in early next week and surgery the following week.  Which puts me in the hospital over Christmas but that's okay.  Really, Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Jesus and his beautiful grace and mercy and love! And we should be celebrating that every single day!

Thank you so much for praying for me and for walking with me on this journey.  It is nice to not feel all alone.