Birthdays and Blessings

The first two weeks of January get a little crazy style around here because there are three birthdays within the span of eight days...and I love it!!!  I try very hard to make the celebration for each of the kiddos separate, special, and all about how thankful we are that God has given them to us.  This year we didn't have a crazy party for either of them...monetarily that just wouldn't have been wise and they haven't made that many friends yet (although the ones they have made are super duper sweet ones!!!).

Abigail gave up her birthday in its entirety in order to raise money for kids in other countries who don't have access to clean water and die every day because of it.  It was SOOOOOOOOO cool to watch her face light up as we watched the number of children helped rise...to point out how little she really gave up for something that will change these kids lives FOREVER...greatest birthday experience of my life! But of course she still had to have a cake!

She googled and asked for this (a replica of the one from the American Girl Store where we helped celebrate a sweet friends birthday this last summer):

I'm not superwoman so what she ended up with is this:

She was gracious though :)

Seth turned 6 this week and instead of a party, he had a couple of friends over for an extended playdate and had cake with everyone from Bible study.

He took a turn googling and picked the most ridiculous cakes I have ever seen!  I was like really kid?  What do you think I am???  Like this:

Haha yeah right!  Not so much within my capabilities...
I looked through his fave pics though (he wanted Lego theme and couldn't decide between Ninjago or the new Chima) and came up with this:

 But I think he sorta liked it....

Yesterday was also my birthday.

 Yes I am 33 years old now, and feeling prone to reflection.  I am really loving where I am in life...this season is so sweet!  My husband and I are coming up on our TENTH wedding anniversary!  Which a year ago I thought would make me feel so old.  Now I have to say that it just makes me feel secure.  My life has definitely been in upheaval for the last year and there is no real tangible security in the foreseeable future...yet I feel so content!!!!  I feel so thankful that the Lord has sought fit to uproot us and move us and challenge us.  This move was probably the hardest move of my life (by the age of 23 I had moved 28 times in my life...11 times since we got married! so that is saying something!) but at the same time I KNOW that it was the best move of my life.  I LOVE Paris!  The sweet people and the church and the fact that in four years it had really become home.  But in the last year I have been challenged and stretched and I am so so glad that He moved us.  I've been forced to really look at what it means to be a christian even....which sounds silly for someone who has been in ministry for over a decade.  But its true.

We have been through different seasons and I think we had fallen into a super comfortable one.  And that's not bad necessarily but being UNcomfortable has challenged me.  Why are we out here planting a church?  What is it that I am really offering people?  A life full of better activities????  That's so not cool!  I don't want people to stop living destructive lives so they can replace it with a sober and clean life!  Thats not what its about.  Life is not about a series of good activities and clean living!!!  But the Bible is super clear that we are to live righteously...what about that?  It can't be bad to live in a way that honors the Lord!  Then I was challenged by a friend who really believes that if you don't feel like doing it, then don't!  Like if you don't feel like reading your Bible then don't do it....wait until your heart is right.  That challenged me to examine my heart...but still that didn't feel right either....ugh!  Ive been so frustrated.  Ive been praying Lord please help me to figure this out!

And little by little I think He has been answering me.  Through His word, through podcasts by godly teachers, I think its beginning to come more into focus.  The real answer..........it's a little bit of all of it!  Theres no real "figuring it out" until we get to heaven I think.  We NEED to have right hearts before God and not read our Bibles or go to church because it is a religious practice that makes us feel that we have atoned for our own sins.  For sure!  BUT I will NOT always feel like reading my Bible!!!  But I always need to!  So I go against my "feelings" by replacing my feelings with truth PLUS a prayer for the Holy Spirit to fill me up and change my heart.  If I miss a day, am I evil?  Am I a bad daughter to my KING?  NO WAY!!!!!!!  But.....I did miss out on something and I can't get that moment back.

Its like with my kids....I have a choice when they are rambunctious and full of energy and want to play....  I can choose to play with them because dude that sounds like a blast.  I can choose to do the dishes because hey they need to get done...nothing condemning about that!  Or I can choose to say Im tired, I have a sink full of dishes, a laundry basket overflowing, and a list a mile long BUUUUUUUUT I will never get this moment again and I don't want to look back and say "I wish I would've..."  So I will make the choice today in fact, right now just like this!  I have so much to catch up on (but do we ever really catch up?) and Ive been exhausted all day (sleep has been tricky lately) BUUUUUT I choose to take my kids out for an adventure!  We will go use birthday gift cards and have a sweet adventure together that will hopefully make a sweet memory and I wont be left saying "I wish..." (and when we get home I will make them help me fold the laundry and put it away hee hee)

Life in Jesus is a constant need for prayer...a constant need for a filling of the Holy Spirit to figure out what in the world I need to be doing!  If I think I have it figured out then I am crazy and need to come back to Bethel like the patriarchs in Genesis...come back to the place of worship and dependence.  At the same time, I'm finding its okay to have discipline in my life....it's in fact expected from me in the Word!  As I grow and mature, I'm not supposed to look the same.  I dont earn a thing!!!!  But I do make choices.

Galations 5:22-25 says

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  Against such there is no law.  And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with it's passions and desires.  If we live in the Spirit let us walk in the Spirit."

You see!!!  It's all of it mixed in together!  Love is joy....its cool beans when our hearts are all in it.  Love is long-suffering....if we are choosing to suffer then it sure sounds like we are choosing to go against our feelings right?  But not blindly...we CHOOSE to replace our feelings with truth from His word.  I was listening to a podcast today and he was talking about how the fruit of the Spirit includes self-control....implying that we go against our "feelings" and choose to walk according to truth.  But Revelation warns us not to leave our first love.  Again I say its all of it all mixed together added to prayer and for His glory.